Master of All Masters
by Joseph Jacobs · from Collected Folk Tales
Adapted Version
Once, a girl wanted a job. She went to a big fair. She looked for work all morning. She was tired and hungry.
An odd old man saw her. He had a kind face. "I need help at my house," he said. "Come with me," he said. The girl followed.
At his house, the master spoke. "I have special names here," he said. "You must learn them." The girl was surprised. "Special names?" she asked.
"Yes," he said. "What will you call me?" he asked. "Sir," said the girl. "Or anything you like, sir." She was polite.
"No," he said. "Call me master of all masters." He said it slowly. "Master of all masters. Say it." The girl said, "Master of all masters."
He pointed to his bed. "What is this?" he asked. "A bed, sir," she said. "Call it my bunk," he said. "It is where I sleep." The girl repeated, "Bunk."
He pointed to his trousers. "And these?" "Trousers, sir," she said. "Call them squibs and crackers," he said. "They are my clothes." The girl said, "Squibs and crackers."
He pointed to his cat. "And her?" "A cat, sir," she said. "Call her white-faced simminy," he said. "She likes to play." The girl said, "White-faced simminy."
He pointed to the fire. "And this?" "Fire, sir," she said. "Call it hot cockalorum," he said. "It cooks our food." The girl said, "Hot cockalorum."
He pointed to the water. "And this?" "Water, sir," she said. "Call it pondalorum," he said. "We drink it." The girl said, "Pondalorum."
He pointed to his house. "And all this?" "A house, sir," she said. "Call it high topper mountain," he said. "It is strong and big." The girl said, "High topper mountain." She practiced the names in her head.
That night, the girl woke up. She was scared. She smelled smoke. She got out of bed. She ran to the master's room.
"Master of all masters!" she cried. "Wake up! Get out of your bunk! Put on your squibs and crackers! White-faced simminy has hot cockalorum on its tail! Get some pondalorum now! Or high topper mountain will burn! Please hurry!"
Original Story
MASTER OF ALL MASTERS
A girl once went to the fair to hire herself for servant. At last a
funny-looking old gentleman engaged her, and took her home to his house.
When she got there, he told her that he had something to teach her, for
that in his house he had his own names for things.
He said to her: “What will you call me?”
“Master or mister, or whatever you please sir,” says she.
He said: “You must call me 'master of all masters.' And what would you
call this?” pointing to his bed.
“Bed or couch, or whatever you please, sir.”
“No, that's my 'barnacle.' And what do you call these?” said he pointing
to his pantaloons.
“Breeches or trousers, or whatever you please, sir.”
“You must call them 'squibs and crackers.' And what would you call her?”
pointing to the cat.
“Cat or kit, or whatever you please, sir.”
“You must call her 'white-faced simminy.' And this now,” showing the fire,
“what would you call this?”
“Fire or flame, or whatever you please, sir.”
“You must call it 'hot cockalorum,' and what this?” he went on, pointing
to the water.
“Water or wet, or whatever you please, sir.”
“No, 'pondalorum' is its name. And what do you call all this?” asked he,
as he pointed to the house.
“House or cottage, or whatever you please, sir.”
“You must call it 'high topper mountain.'”
That very night the servant woke her master up in a fright and said:
“Master of all masters, get out of your barnacle and put on your squibs
and crackers. For white-faced simminy has got a spark of hot cockalorum on
its tail, and unless you get some pondalorum high topper mountain will be
all on hot cockalorum.” .... That's all.
Story DNA
Plot Summary
A girl seeking work is hired by an eccentric old gentleman who insists she learn his made-up names for common household objects. He teaches her his unique terms for himself, his bed, trousers, cat, fire, water, and house. Later that night, a fire breaks out, and the quick-witted servant wakes her master, relaying the emergency entirely using his absurd vocabulary, demonstrating her mastery of his peculiar rules.
Themes
Emotional Arc
neutral to amusement
Writing Style
Narrative Elements
Cultural Context
Joseph Jacobs collected and retold English fairy tales, often from oral traditions, in the late 19th century. This story reflects a playful use of language common in folk tales.
Plot Beats (13)
- A girl goes to a fair to find work as a servant.
- An old gentleman hires her and takes her to his house.
- The gentleman informs her that he has special names for everything in his house.
- He asks her what she will call him, and she replies generically.
- He instructs her to call him 'master of all masters'.
- He points to his bed and tells her to call it 'barnacle'.
- He points to his trousers and tells her to call them 'squibs and crackers'.
- He points to his cat and tells her to call it 'white-faced simminy'.
- He points to the fire and tells her to call it 'hot cockalorum'.
- He points to the water and tells her to call it 'pondalorum'.
- He points to the house and tells her to call it 'high topper mountain'.
- That night, the servant wakes her master in a fright.
- She uses all the peculiar names to describe a fire on the cat's tail, threatening the house.
Characters
The Servant Girl ★ protagonist
Unspecified, likely a young woman of working class background.
Attire: Simple, practical attire suitable for a servant girl going to a fair, likely a plain dress and apron.
Obedient, quick-witted, adaptable.
Image Prompt & Upload
A young woman in her late teens with a kind, weary face and large, observant hazel eyes. Her long, chestnut hair is braided simply and tied with a faded ribbon. She wears a plain, faded blue dress with a patched apron, sturdy leather boots, and a worn shawl over her shoulders. Her posture is straight but tired, one hand gently resting on a woven basket she carries. She has a hopeful yet determined expression, looking directly ahead. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
The Master ⚔ antagonist
Funny-looking old gentleman.
Attire: Period-appropriate gentleman's attire, including pantaloons (which he calls 'squibs and crackers').
Eccentric, pedantic, playful.
Image Prompt & Upload
A tall, gaunt man in his late 50s with sharp, angular features and a cruel, thin-lipped smile. He has slicked-back silver hair and piercing, cold blue eyes. He is dressed in an immaculately tailored black Victorian-style coat with a high collar, dark trousers, and polished leather boots. He stands with a dominant, upright posture, one hand resting on the head of an ornate, black wooden cane. His expression is one of calm, calculating superiority. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
White-faced Simminy ○ minor
A cat, implied to have a white face.
Attire: None, as an animal.
Typical cat behavior, prone to accidents.
Image Prompt & Upload
A small, timid figure with a starkly white, smooth face like polished marble. Large, dark eyes gaze shyly from beneath a fringe of straight, ash-brown hair. Dressed in a simple, knee-length tunic of undyed linen, cinched with a rough rope belt. The posture is slightly hunched, with thin arms held close to the body, as if trying to make themselves smaller. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
Locations
The Master's House
A house where a funny-looking old gentleman lives, with his own peculiar names for everyday objects.
Mood: peculiar, slightly absurd, later urgent and chaotic
The servant learns the master's strange vocabulary and later uses it to warn him of a fire.
Image Prompt & Upload
A crooked, colorful cottage nestled in an enchanted forest at late afternoon. The house has mismatched windows, a chimney shaped like a spiraling teapot, and a door painted in peeling turquoise. Whimsical, oversized mushrooms dot the mossy yard, and strange, bell-shaped flowers glow faintly in the golden hour light. A winding cobblestone path leads to the door, flanked by leaning, friendly-looking trees. The air is clear, with floating dandelion seeds catching the sun's rays. Warm, golden light spills from the windows, casting long, playful shadows. The overall atmosphere is cozy, peculiar, and full of gentle magic. no border, no frame, no watermark, no text, no signature, edge-to-edge illustration.
