Hereafterthis
by Unknown · from More English Fairy Tales
Adapted Version
Jan was a farmer. He lived alone. He wanted a wife. He found Mally. She was kind. They got married. They were happy.
Jan asked Mally, "Can you milk cows?" Mally said, "My mother did it this way." Jan bought ten red cows. The cows got lost there. Jan said, "Oh, never mind, my dear."
Jan asked Mally, "Can you feed pigs?" Mally said, "My mother did it this way." Jan bought some pigs. The pigs got lost too. Jan said, "Oh, never mind, my dear."
Jan asked Mally, "Can you bake bread?" Mally said, "My mother did it this way." Jan bought flour. The wind blew it away. Jan said, "Oh, never mind, my dear."
Jan asked Mally, "Can you make ale?" Mally said, "Yes. My mother always did it this way." Jan bought things for ale. Mally made the ale. She spilled it all. Jan said, "Oh, never mind, my dear."
Mally cleaned their house. She found a bag of money. It was on their bed. Mally asked Jan about it. Jan said, "That is for Hereafterthis." This money was very important. It was for their rent.
A tricky man heard Jan. He waited for Jan to leave. Then he came to the door. He said, "I am Hereafterthis." Mally gave him the money bag. The tricky man took it.
Jan came home later. Mally told him the news. Jan was very sad. The money was gone. They had no rent money. Jan took their big house door. They would find the tricky man.
Jan carried the big door. They walked for many days. They slept on the door in trees. One night, they saw a cave. Bad men were inside. They counted money bags. Jan and Mally saw their money.
Mally woke Jan up. Jan pushed the big door. It fell on the table. It made a big noise! The bad men were scared. They ran away fast.
Jan and Mally went down. They took their money bags. They put them on the door. They went straight home. They were very happy.
Jan and Mally were very happy. They bought new cows and pigs. They had much money. They lived well forever. All was good.
Original Story
Hereafterthis
Once upon a time there was a farmer called Jan, and he lived all alone by himself in a little farmhouse.
By-and-by he thought that he would like to have a wife to keep it all vitty for him.
So he went a-courting a fine maid, and he said to her: "Will you marry me?"
"That I will, to be sure," said she.
So they went to church, and were wed. After the wedding was over, she got up on his horse behind him, and he brought her home. And they lived as happy as the day was long.
One day, Jan said to his wife, "Wife can you milk-y?"
"Oh, yes, Jan, I can milk-y. Mother used to milk-y, when I lived home."
So he went to market and bought her ten red cows. All went well till one day when she had driven them to the pond to drink, she thought they did not drink fast enough. So she drove them right into the pond to make them drink faster, and they were all drowned.
When Jan came home, she up and told him what she had done, and he said, "Oh, well, there, never mind, my dear, better luck next time."
So they went on for a bit, and then, one day, Jan said to his wife, "Wife can you serve pigs?"
"Oh, yes, Jan, I can serve pigs. Mother used to serve pigs when I lived home."
So Jan went to market and bought her some pigs. All went well till one day, when she had put their food into the trough she thought they did not eat fast enough, and she pushed their heads into the trough to make them eat faster, and they were all choked.
When Jan came home, she up and told him what she had done, and he said, "Oh, well, there, never mind, my dear, better luck next time."
So they went on for a bit, and then, one day, Jan said to his wife, "Wife can you bake-y?"
"Oh, yes, Jan, I can bake-y. Mother used to bake-y when I lived home."
So he bought everything for his wife so that she could bake bread. All went well for a bit, till one day, she thought she would bake white bread for a treat for Jan. So she carried her meal to the top of a high hill, and let the wind blow on it, for she thought to herself that the wind would blow out all the bran. But the wind blew away meal and bran and all—so there was an end of it.
When Jan came home, she up and told him what she had done, and he said, "Oh, well, there, never mind, my dear, better luck next time."
So they went on for a bit, and then, one day, Jan said to his wife, "Wife can you brew-y?"
"Oh, yes, Jan, I can brew-y. Mother used to brew-y when I lived home."
So he bought everything proper for his wife to brew ale with. All went well for a bit, till one day when she had brewed her ale and put it in the barrel, a big black dog came in and looked up in her face. She drove him out of the house, but he stayed outside the door and still looked up in her face. And she got so angry that she pulled out the plug of the barrel, threw it at the dog, and said, "What dost look at me for? I be Jan's wife." Then the dog ran down the road, and she ran after him to chase him right away. When she came back again, she found that the ale had all run out of the barrel, and so there was an end of it.
When Jan came home, she up and told him what she had done, and he said, "Oh well, there, never mind, my dear, better luck next time."
So they went on for a bit, and then, one day, she thought to herself, "'T is time to clean up my house." When she was taking down her big bed she found a bag of groats on the tester. So when Jan came home, she up and said to him, "Jan, what is that bag of groats on the tester for?"
"That is for Hereafterthis, my dear."
Now, there was a robber outside the window, and he heard what Jan said. Next day, he waited till Jan had gone to market, and then he came and knocked at the door. "What do you please to want?" said Mally.
"I am Hereafterthis," said the robber, "I have come for the bag of groats."
Now the robber was dressed like a fine gentleman, so she thought to herself it was very kind of so fine a man to come for the bag of groats, so she ran upstairs and fetched the bag of groats, and gave it to the robber and he went away with it.
When Jan came home, she said to him, "Jan, Hereafterthis has been for the bag of groats."
"What do you mean, wife?" said Jan.
So she up and told him, and he said, "Then I'm a ruined man, for that money was to pay our rent with. The only thing we can do is to roam the world over till we find the bag of groats." Then Jan took the house-door off its hinges, "That's all we shall have to lie on," he said. So Jan put the door on his back, and they both set out to look for Hereafterthis. Many a long day they went, and in the night Jan used to put the door on the branches of a tree, and they would sleep on it. One night they came to a big hill, and there was a high tree at the foot. So Jan put the door up in it, and they got up in the tree and went to sleep. By-and-by Jan's wife heard a noise, and she looked to see what it was. It was an opening of a door in the side of the hill. Out came two gentlemen with a long table, and behind them fine ladies and gentlemen, each carrying a bag, and one of them was Hereafterthis with the bag of groats. They sat round the table, and began to drink and talk and count up all the money in the bags. So then Jan's wife woke him up, and asked what they should do.
"Now's our time," said Jan, and he pushed the door off the branches, and it fell right in the very middle of the table, and frightened the robbers so that they all ran away. Then Jan and his wife got down from the tree, took as many money-bags as they could carry on the door, and went straight home. And Jan bought his wife more cows, and more pigs, and they lived happy ever after.
Story DNA
Plot Summary
Jan, a farmer, marries a wife who, despite claiming competence, repeatedly causes disasters, drowning their cows, choking their pigs, losing their flour, and spilling their ale. When she gives away their rent money to a robber posing as 'Hereafterthis,' Jan takes their house door and they embark on a journey to recover it. They eventually find the robbers, and Jan uses the door to scare them away, reclaiming their money. They return home, buy new livestock, and live happily ever after.
Themes
Emotional Arc
contentment to challenge to triumph
Writing Style
Narrative Elements
Cultural Context
This tale reflects a common folk motif of a foolish wife, often used for comedic effect, and the 'hereafterthis' phrase is a play on words common in oral traditions.
Plot Beats (12)
- Jan, a farmer, decides to marry and finds a wife.
- His wife claims she can milk, so Jan buys cows, but she drowns them.
- His wife claims she can serve pigs, so Jan buys pigs, but she chokes them.
- His wife claims she can bake, so Jan buys flour, but she loses it all to the wind.
- His wife claims she can brew, so Jan buys brewing supplies, but she spills all the ale chasing a dog.
- Jan's wife finds a bag of groats (rent money) and Jan tells her it's for 'Hereafterthis'.
- A robber, overhearing, pretends to be 'Hereafterthis' and takes the groats from Jan's wife.
- Jan, realizing they are ruined, takes their house door and they set out to find 'Hereafterthis'.
- They travel, sleeping on the door in trees, until they find a cave where robbers are counting their loot, including their groats.
- Jan pushes the door onto the robbers' table, scaring them away.
- Jan and his wife gather the money bags and return home.
- They buy new livestock and live happily ever after.
Characters
Jan
A sturdy, broad-shouldered farmer of average height, with hands calloused from years of labor. His build is practical and strong, suited for rural life. He likely has a weathered complexion from working outdoors.
Attire: Typical English farmer's attire of the period (likely 18th-19th century rural England): sturdy, homespun linen or wool trousers in a muted earth tone, a simple, long-sleeved linen shirt, and a practical, dark-colored waistcoat. He might wear a rough woolen smock or jacket for warmth and a wide-brimmed felt hat when outdoors. His boots would be heavy, worn leather.
Wants: To live a happy, comfortable life with a wife, and later, to recover his lost fortune and secure their future.
Flaw: Perhaps overly forgiving and trusting, which allows his wife's mishaps to continue without much consequence until the final incident.
Starts as a solitary farmer, marries, endures numerous financial setbacks due to his wife's incompetence, but ultimately uses his ingenuity to recover their fortune, leading to a happy ending.
Patient, forgiving, optimistic, resourceful, calm.
Mally
A young, perhaps slightly naive-looking woman of average height and slender build. Her features are likely pleasant but unremarkable, suggesting an ordinary country maid.
Attire: Typical English peasant woman's attire of the period: a long, practical linen dress in a muted color like pale blue or green, covered by a sturdy, dark-colored wool apron. She would wear a simple white linen cap or kerchief on her head and practical leather shoes or clogs.
Wants: To be a good wife and helpmate to Jan, and to perform household duties as she believes they should be done.
Flaw: Extreme literal-mindedness and a complete lack of common sense, leading to repeated, costly mistakes.
Starts as an eager but incompetent wife, causes numerous financial losses, but ultimately plays a crucial role in recovering their fortune through her observation and quick thinking, leading to a happy and prosperous life.
Well-meaning, naive, literal-minded, easily distracted, prone to disastrous interpretations of tasks.
The Robber
A man of average height and build, but with an air of deceptive refinement. He is not physically imposing but relies on cunning and disguise.
Attire: A 'fine gentleman's' attire of the period (likely 18th-19th century rural England): a well-tailored dark wool coat with brass buttons, a crisp white linen cravat, a patterned silk waistcoat, and breeches. He would wear polished leather boots and perhaps carry a walking stick as an accessory to his disguise.
Wants: To steal money and valuables, specifically the 'bag of groats' he overheard Jan mentioning.
Flaw: Cowardice and a lack of courage when faced with unexpected threats, leading him to flee easily.
Appears as a cunning thief, successfully steals the groats, but is later frightened away by Jan and Mally, losing his ill-gotten gains.
Cunning, deceptive, opportunistic, greedy, easily startled.
Locations
Jan's Farmhouse
A small, simple farmhouse, likely a traditional English cottage with a thatched or tiled roof, possibly half-timbered, where Jan lives alone and later with his wife. It contains a 'big bed' with a 'tester' where a bag of groats is hidden.
Mood: Initially cozy and domestic, later becomes a place of repeated minor disasters and a crucial discovery.
The setting for Jan and his wife's domestic life, where she attempts various chores with disastrous results, and where the bag of groats is discovered and stolen.
Farm Pond
A body of water on Jan's farm, where the cows are taken to drink. It is deep enough to drown ten cows.
Mood: Initially mundane, then becomes a scene of accidental tragedy.
The wife attempts to make the cows drink faster, resulting in their drowning.
High Hill
A prominent, windy hill where the wife takes her meal to let the wind blow out the bran.
Mood: Exposed, breezy, a place of futile effort.
The wife attempts to clean the meal by letting the wind blow away the bran, but loses everything.
Robbers' Den in the Hill
A hidden opening in the side of a 'big hill' that leads to a secret gathering place for robbers. Outside, there is a 'high tree' at the foot of the hill where Jan and his wife sleep.
Mood: Mysterious, dangerous, secretive, then chaotic.
Jan and his wife discover the robbers' hideout and reclaim their stolen money, along with more.