The Wise Men of Gotham
by Unknown · from More English Fairy Tales
Adapted Version
Gotham had very silly men. They did many funny things!
Man One went to market. He wanted to buy sheep. Man Two came from market. They met on a bridge. "Where are you going?" Man Two asked. "I go to buy sheep," Man One said. "Bring them home how?" Man Two asked. "Over this bridge," Man One said. "No, you will not!" Man Two said. "Yes, I will!" Man One said. They hit their sticks on the ground. They had no sheep. But they fought about sheep.
Man Three came by. He saw Man One and Man Two. They were fighting. Man Three had a big sack. It held meal. He walked to the river. He poured all the meal out. It went into the water. "How much meal in my sack?" he asked. "None," they said. "Your fight is like that," he said. "No sheep, but much noise."
The men of Gotham had an idea. They wanted a cuckoo bird. They wanted it to sing all year. They made a low hedge. They put the cuckoo inside. "Sing here always!" they said. The cuckoo flew away. It flew over the hedge. "Oh no!" the men cried. "Our hedge was too low!"
Cheese Man went to market. He had many cheeses. One cheese rolled down a hill. "Can you go alone?" he asked the cheese. He took out all his other cheeses. He rolled them down the hill. "Go to market!" he told them. He waited at the market. No cheeses came. He looked for them. He thought they ran far away. He went to York to find them. He never found his cheeses.
The men had many fish. They wanted more fish next year. They put all the fish in a pond. They waited one year. Then they went to the pond. They saw a big eel. "Oh no!" they cried. "The eel ate our fish!"
The men were angry at the eel. "Let us kill it!" one said. "Yes, let us drown it!" another said. They took the big eel. They carried it to another pond. They threw the eel into the water. "Drown now!" they told the eel. The eel swam away. It was happy in the water.
The men needed to send money. It was money for their house. They caught a fast hare. They tied the money to its neck. "Go to our landlord!" they said. The hare ran away fast. The men watched it go. "It knows the way," they said. "It is a smart hare."
Twelve men went fishing. They walked near the water. They came back home. "Are we all here?" one man asked. They started to count. Man one counted. He counted eleven men. He forgot to count himself. Man two counted. He counted eleven men. He forgot to count himself too. All the men counted. Each man counted eleven. "Oh no!" A Smart Traveler came by. "What is wrong?" he asked. "We are twelve," they said. "But we count eleven!" The Smart Traveler took a stick. He whacked each man. "One! Two! Three!" He counted all twelve men. "We are all here!" they cried.
The men of Gotham were always silly. But they made everyone laugh with funny ways!
Original Story
The Wise Men of Gotham
Of Buying of Sheep
There were two men of Gotham, and one of them was going to market to Nottingham to buy sheep, and the other came from the market, and they both met together upon Nottingham bridge.
"Where are you going?" said the one who came from Nottingham.
"Marry," said he that was going to Nottingham, "I am going to buy sheep."
"Buy sheep?" said the other, "and which way will you bring them home?"
"Marry," said the other, "I will bring them over this bridge."
"By Robin Hood," said he that came from Nottingham, "but thou shalt not."
"By Maid Marion," said he that was going thither, "but I will."
"You will not," said the one.
"I will."
Then they beat their staves against the ground one against the other, as if there had been a hundred sheep between them.
"Hold in," said one; "beware lest my sheep leap over the bridge."
"I care not," said the other; "they shall not come this way."
"But they shall," said the other.
Then the other said: "If that thou make much to do, I will put my fingers in thy mouth."
"Will you?" said the other.
Now, as they were at their contention, another man of Gotham came from the market with a sack of meal upon a horse, and seeing and hearing his neighbours at strife about sheep, though there were none between them, said:
"Ah, fools! will you ever learn wisdom? Help me, and lay my sack upon my shoulders."
They did so, and he went to the side of the bridge, unloosened the mouth of the sack, and shook all his meal out into the river.
"Now, neighbours," he said, "how much meal is there in my sack?"
"Marry," said they, "there is none at all."
"Now, by my faith," said he, "even as much wit as is in your two heads to stir up strife about a thing you have not."
Which was the wisest of these three persons, judge yourself.
Of Hedging a Cuckoo
Once upon a time the men of Gotham would have kept the Cuckoo so that she might sing all the year, and in the midst of their town they made a hedge round in compass and they got a Cuckoo, and put her into it, and said, "Sing there all through the year, or thou shalt have neither meat nor water." The Cuckoo, as soon as she perceived herself within the hedge, flew away. "A vengeance on her!" said they. "We did not make our hedge high enough."
Of Sending Cheeses
There was a man of Gotham who went to the market at Nottingham to sell cheese, and as he was going down the hill to Nottingham bridge, one of his cheeses fell out of his wallet and rolled down the hill. "Ah, gaffer," said the fellow, "can you run to market alone? I will send one after another after you."
Then he laid down his wallet and took out the cheeses, and rolled them down the hill. Some went into one bush; and some went into another.
"I charge you all to meet me near the market-place;" and when the fellow came to the market to meet his cheeses, he stayed there till the market was nearly done. Then he went about to inquire of his friends and neighbours, and other men, if they did see his cheeses come to the market.
"Who should bring them?" said one of the market men.
"Marry, themselves," said the fellow; "they know the way well enough."
He said, "A vengeance on them all. I did fear, to see them run so fast, that they would run beyond the market. I am now fully persuaded that they must be now almost at York." Whereupon he forthwith hired a horse to ride to York, to seek his cheeses where they were not, but to this day no man can tell him of his cheeses.
Of Drowning Eels
When Good Friday came, the men of Gotham cast their heads together what to do with their white herrings, their red herrings, their sprats, and other salt fish. One consulted with the other, and agreed that such fish should be cast into their pond (which was in the middle of the town), that they might breed against the next year, and every man that had salt fish left cast them into the pool.
"I have many white herrings," said one.
"I have many sprats," said another.
"I have many red herrings," said the other.
"I have much salt fish. Let all go into the pond or pool, and we shall fare like lords next year."
At the beginning of next year following the men drew near the pond to have their fish, and there was nothing but a great eel. "Ah," said they all, "a mischief on this eel, for he has eaten up all our fish."
"What shall we do to him?" said one to the others.
"Kill him," said one.
"Chop him into pieces," said another. "Not so," said another; "let us drown him."
"Be it so," said all. And they went to another pond, and cast the eel into the pond. "Lie there and shift for yourself, for no help thou shalt have from us;" and they left the eel to drown.
Of Sending Rent
Once on a time the men of Gotham had forgotten to pay their landlord. One said to the other, "To-morrow is our pay-day, and what shall we find to send our money to our landlord?"
The one said, "This day I have caught a hare, and he shall carry it, for he is light of foot."
"Be it so," said all; "he shall have a letter and a purse to put our money in, and we shall direct him the right way." So when the letters were written and the money put in a purse, they tied it round the hare's neck, saying, "First you go to Lancaster, then thou must go to Loughborough, and Newarke is our landlord, and commend us to him and there is his dues."
The hare, as soon as he was out of their hands, ran on along the country way. Some cried, "Thou must go to Lancaster first."
"Let the hare alone," said another; "he can tell a nearer way than the best of us all. Let him go."
Another said, "It is a subtle hare, let her alone; she will not keep the highway for fear of dogs."
Of Counting
On a certain time there were twelve men of Gotham who went fishing, and some went into the water and some on dry ground; and, as they were coming back, one of them said, "We have ventured much this day wading; I pray God that none of us that did come from home be drowned."
"Marry," said one, "let us see about that. Twelve of us came out," and every man did count eleven, and the twelfth man did never count himself.
"Alas!" said one to another, "one of us is drowned." They went back to the brook where they had been fishing, and looked up and down for him that was drowned, and made great lamentation. A courtier came riding by, and he did ask what they were seeking, and why they were so sorrowful. "Oh," said they, "this day we came to fish in this brook, and there were twelve of us, and one is drowned."
"Why," said the courtier, "count me how many of you there be," and one counted eleven and did not count himself. "Well," said the courtier, "what will you give me if I find the twelfth man?"
"Sir," said they, "all the money we have."
"Give me the money," said the courtier; and he began with the first, and gave him a whack over the shoulders that he groaned, and said, "There is one," and he served all of them that they groaned; but when he came to the last he gave him a good blow, saying, "Here is the twelfth man."
"God bless you on your heart," said all the company; "you have found our neighbour."
Story DNA
Moral
Ignorance and foolishness can lead to absurd and self-defeating actions.
Plot Summary
The Wise Men of Gotham is a collection of humorous anecdotes detailing the extreme foolishness of a group of villagers. They engage in absurd acts such as arguing over imaginary sheep, attempting to keep a cuckoo in a hedge, rolling cheeses to market, trying to drown an eel, and sending rent via a hare. Each story highlights their lack of common sense and their inability to grasp basic concepts, often leading to comical and self-defeating outcomes, sometimes requiring an outsider to point out their errors.
Themes
Emotional Arc
amusement throughout
Writing Style
Narrative Elements
Cultural Context
The tales of the 'Wise Men of Gotham' originated in the 15th-16th centuries, possibly as a way for the villagers to feign madness to avoid a royal road being built through their village, which would have brought taxes and burdens. The stories became a popular collection of English folk tales.
Plot Beats (9)
- Two men of Gotham argue fiercely over how to bring imaginary sheep across a bridge, nearly coming to blows.
- A third man of Gotham, observing their foolishness, empties a sack of meal into a river to illustrate their pointlessness.
- The men of Gotham attempt to keep a cuckoo bird within a low hedge to make it sing all year, but it flies away.
- A man of Gotham rolls his cheeses down a hill, expecting them to find their own way to market, and then travels to York to search for them.
- The men of Gotham decide to stock their pond with salt fish to breed for the next year, only to find an eel has eaten them all.
- They then decide to 'drown' the eel by throwing it into another pond.
- The men of Gotham attempt to send their rent money to their landlord by tying it to a hare, believing it will deliver the payment.
- Twelve men of Gotham go fishing, and upon returning, repeatedly fail to count themselves, believing one of their number has drowned.
- A passing courtier offers to find the 'missing' man, then whacks each man on the shoulders, making them count themselves correctly.
Characters
First Man of Gotham (Sheep Buyer)
A man of average height and sturdy build, typical of a medieval English villager. His hands are likely calloused from farm work. He carries himself with a stubborn, slightly defensive posture.
Attire: Wears practical, durable clothing suitable for travel and market: a simple, undyed wool tunic, possibly a leather jerkin for warmth, and rough linen breeches. His footwear would be sturdy leather boots, likely caked with mud. He carries a stout wooden staff.
Wants: To acquire sheep for his farm and to assert his will in any argument.
Flaw: His extreme stubbornness and inability to think logically, leading him into pointless arguments.
Remains unchanged, continuing his illogical ways.
Stubborn, argumentative, illogical, easily provoked, and somewhat naive.
Second Man of Gotham (Sheep Seller)
Similar to the First Man, of average height and build, reflecting a common villager. He might appear slightly more weary from his journey back from market. His posture is equally stubborn.
Attire: Dressed in practical, worn clothing: a coarse linen shirt, a simple wool tunic, and plain trousers. His boots would be well-worn leather. He also carries a wooden staff, a common accessory for travelers.
Wants: To win the argument and assert his perceived authority, even over a hypothetical situation.
Flaw: His inability to reason and his quickness to engage in pointless disputes.
Does not change, remains entrenched in his illogical behavior.
Equally stubborn, confrontational, and illogical as his counterpart, mirroring the Gothamite mindset.
Third Man of Gotham (Meal Seller)
A man of robust build, accustomed to carrying heavy loads. He might have a slightly broader back and shoulders from his work. His movements are deliberate and strong.
Attire: Wears sturdy, practical peasant clothing: a thick wool tunic, possibly a leather apron over it, and durable trousers. His boots would be heavy and well-worn. He carries a large, coarse linen sack of meal.
Wants: To teach his neighbors a lesson about their foolishness, and to transport his meal.
Flaw: His own inherent Gothamite foolishness, which he attempts to mask with a show of wisdom.
Reveals his own foolishness, demonstrating that all men of Gotham share the same trait.
Initially appears wiser and more pragmatic than the other two, but ultimately demonstrates the same underlying Gothamite illogicality.
Man of Gotham (Cheese Seller)
A lean, active man, perhaps a bit wiry, suitable for a merchant who travels to market. His movements might be quick and somewhat erratic, reflecting his impulsive nature.
Attire: Wears practical but slightly worn merchant's attire: a tunic of homespun wool, perhaps a simple cloak for travel, and sturdy breeches. He carries a leather wallet for his cheeses and wears well-used leather shoes.
Wants: To sell his cheeses at market, but primarily driven by his own peculiar logic.
Flaw: His complete lack of common sense and his tendency to believe inanimate objects have agency.
Remains unchanged, continuing his foolish pursuit of self-propelled cheeses.
Impulsive, highly illogical, prone to anthropomorphizing objects, and easily convinced of his own absurd conclusions.
The Courtier
A man of slender, elegant build, contrasting sharply with the rough villagers. He is well-groomed and carries himself with an air of authority and sophistication. His hands are likely soft and uncalloused.
Attire: Dressed in fine, fashionable clothing of the medieval period: a richly colored doublet (e.g., crimson or deep blue velvet), a crisp white linen shirt, tailored hose, and soft leather boots. He might wear a small, decorative hat or a feathered cap. His clothing is free of dirt and wear.
Wants: To understand the villagers' distress and to profit from their naivety.
Flaw: His willingness to exploit the ignorance of others for personal gain.
Remains unchanged, serving as a foil to the Gothamites' foolishness and demonstrating his own cleverness.
Observant, intelligent, pragmatic, and slightly condescending towards the villagers' foolishness, but also opportunistic.
Locations
Nottingham Bridge
A stone bridge, likely arched, spanning a river, connecting Gotham to Nottingham. The surface is well-trodden, possibly cobblestone or packed earth. The river below is visible.
Mood: contentious, public, open
Two men argue over how to bring imaginary sheep across, while a third man demonstrates their foolishness by emptying a sack of meal into the river.
Gotham Town Center / Cuckoo Hedge
The central area of Gotham, featuring a circular hedge constructed by the villagers. The hedge is not tall enough to contain a bird and is likely made of common local shrubs.
Mood: naive, absurd, rural
The men of Gotham attempt to keep a cuckoo within a hedge to make it sing all year, but it easily flies away.
Hill leading to Nottingham Bridge
A sloping path or road descending towards Nottingham Bridge. The sides of the hill are dotted with bushes where cheeses can roll and hide.
Mood: rural, open, slightly chaotic
A man rolls his cheeses down the hill, expecting them to find their own way to market.
Gotham Village Pond
A pond located in the middle of Gotham town, used by the villagers for various purposes. It's large enough to hold fish and later, an eel.
Mood: communal, naive, rural
The men of Gotham stock their pond with salt fish to breed, only to find an eel has eaten them all. They then try to drown the eel in another pond.
Brook where men fish
A small, shallow stream or brook where the men of Gotham go fishing, allowing some to wade in the water and others to stay on dry ground.
Mood: peaceful, then confused and sorrowful
Twelve men go fishing, and upon returning, mistakenly believe one of their number has drowned because they fail to count themselves.