KASHMIRI VERSION.[512](#linknote-512)
by Unknown
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Adapted Version
`โ Insight โโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโ` This is a children's story task. It has clear rules. A1 CEFR level. Max 8 words per sentence. Target is ~755 words. Feedback asks to fix 5 long sentences. Replace 7 words with 3+ parts. Expand from 599 to ~755 words. Add ~156 words. Keep sentences 8 words max. This needs more short sentences. `โโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโ`
I will check the clear issues. Then I will write the new text.
Once, there was a king. He liked to boast. He had a queen. He had two sons. Other kings did not like him. A big fight came. The King lost his land. He ran away. The Queen and the sons ran too. They left their home fast. They were scared. They had no place to go.
They came to the sea. A ship was there. The Bad Shipman took The Queen. He was not a good man. He took her far away. The Queen was very sad. She waited for her loved ones. Later, she stayed with The Rich Man. She still waited. She missed her sons. She missed The King.
The King and his two sons stayed. They walked a long way. They were tired and sad. They came to a big river. The water moved fast. The King tried to cross. He took one son first. He went back for the other. The water was too strong. The King fell in the water. He went inside a very big fish. The sons were all alone now.
The sons cried by the river. The Kind Fish Man came by. He saw their tears. He saw their sadness. He took them to his home. His wife was also kind. They took care of the boys. They loved them like their own. The boys learned to catch fish. They grew strong and brave.
The big fish came to land one day. The Kind Potter found it. He heard a sound inside. He cut the fish open. The King was inside! He was still alive. The Kind Potter took him home. He helped The King get well. The King got strong again. He learned to make pots. He was safe now. He was glad.
The king of that land died. People needed a new king. A big gray beast walked by. A royal hawk flew high. They chose The King! He was the pot maker. He became the new king. This was a happy surprise. He sat on the throne.
The King was now a good king. He liked to catch fish for fun. He heard about two good young fish boys. He did not know them yet. He asked them to fish with him. The boys were happy to help. They caught many fish.
The Rich Man came to the palace. He came to trade his goods. The Queen was with him. She still waited for her loved ones. She hoped to see them one day. She did not know they were near.
The two sons worked for The Rich Man. They watched his goods at night. They talked about their past. They told their sad story. They were once princes! They lost their mother
Original Story
KASHMIRI VERSION.[512](#linknote-512)
There was once a king who was noted throughout his dominions for daily boasting of his power and riches. His ministers at length became weary of this self-glorification, and one day when he demanded of them, as usual, whether there existed in the whole world another king as powerful as he, they plainly told him that there was such another potentate; upon which he assembled his troops and rode forth at their head, challenging the neighbouring kings to fight with him. Ere long he met with more than his match, for another king came with a great army and utterly defeated him, and took possession of his kingdom. Disguising himself, the humbled king escaped with his wife and two boys, and arriving at the sea shore, found a ship about to sail. The master agreed to take him and his family and land them at the port for which he was bound. But when he beheld the beauty of the queen, he became enamoured of her, and determined to make her his own. The queen was the first to go on board the ship, and the king and his two sons were about to follow, when they were seized by a party of ruffians, hired by the shipmaster, and held back until the vessel had got fairly under way. The queen was distracted on seeing her husband and children left behind, and refused to listen to the master's suit, who, after having tried to win her love for several days without success, resolved to sell her as a slave. Among the passengers was a merchant, who, seeing that the lady would not accept the shipmaster for her husband, thought that if he bought her, he might in time gain her affection. Accordingly he purchased her of the master for a large sum of money, and then told her that he had done so with a view of making her his wife. The lady replied that, although the shipman had no right thus to dispose of her, yet she would consent to marry him at the end of two years, if she did not during that period meet with her husband and their two sons; and to this condition the merchant agreed. In the meanwhile the king, having sorrowfully watched the vessel till it was out of sight, turned back with his two boys, who wept and lamented as they ran beside him. After walking a great distance, he came to a shallow but rapid river, which he wished to cross, and, as there was no boat or bridge, he was obliged to wade through the water. Taking up one of his sons he contrived to reach the other side in safety, and was returning for the other when the force of the current overcame him and he was drowned.
When the two boys noticed that their father had perished, they wept bitterly. Their separation, too, was a further cause for grief. There they stood, one on either side of the river, with no means of reaching each other. They shouted, and ran about hither and thither in their grief, till they had almost wearied themselves into sleep, when a fisherman came past, who, seeing the great distress of the boys, took them into his boat, and asked them who they were, and who were their parents; and they told him all that had happened. When he had heard their story, he said, "You have not a father or mother, and I have not a child. Evidently God has sent you to me. Will you be my own children and learn to fish, and live in my house?" Of course, the poor boys were only too glad to find a friend and shelter. "Come," said the fisherman kindly, leading them out of the boat to a house close by, "I will look after you." The boys followed most happily, and went into the fisherman's house, and when they saw his wife they were still better pleased, for she was very kind to them, and treated them as if they had been her own children. The two boys went to school, and when they had learned all that the master could teach them, they began to help their adoptive father, and in a little while became most expert and diligent young fishermen.
Thus time was passing with them, when it happened that a great fish threw itself on to the bank of the river and could not get back again into the water. Everybody in the village went to see the monstrous fish, and cut a slice of its flesh and took it home. A few people also went from the neighbouring villages, and amongst them was a maker of earthernware. His wife had heard of the great fish and urged him to go and get some of the flesh. So he went, although the hour was late. On his arrival he found that all the people had returned to their homes. The potter had taken an axe with him, thinking that the bones would be so great and strong as to require its use in breaking them. When he struck the first blow a voice came out of the fish, like that of some one in pain, at which the potter was greatly surprised. "Perhaps," thought he, "the fish is possessed by a bhรบt.[513](#linknote-513) I'll try again," whereupon he struck another blow with his axe. Again the voice came forth from the fish, saying, "Woe is me! woe is me!" On hearing this, the potter thought, "Well, this is evidently not a bhรบt, but the voice of an ordinary man. I'll cut the flesh carefully. May be that I shall find some poor distressed person." So he began to cut away the flesh carefully, and presently he perceived a man's foot, then the legs appeared, and then the entire body. "Praise be to God," he cried, "the soul is yet in him." He carried the man to his house as fast as he could, and on arriving there did everything in his power to recover him. A large fire was soon got ready, and tea and soup given the man, and great was the joy of the potter and his wife when they saw him reviving.[514](#linknote-514) For some months the stranger lived with those good people, and learnt how to make pots and pans and other articles and thereby helped them considerably. Now it happened that the king of that country died and it was the custom of the people to take for their sovereign whomsoever the late king's elephant and hawk should select. And so on the death of the king the royal elephant was driven all over the country, and the hawk was made to fly about, in search of a successor and it came to pass that the person before whom the elephant saluted and on whom the hawk alighted was considered as the divinely-chosen one. Accordingly the elephant and the hawk went about the country, and in the course of their wanderings came by the house of the potter who had so kindly succoured the poor man whom he found in the belly of the monstrous fish; and it chanced that as they passed the place the stranger was standing by the door, and behold, no sooner did the elephant and hawk see him than the one bowed down before him and the other perched on his hand. "Let him be king! let him be king!" shouted the people who were in attendance on the elephant, and they prostrated themselves before the stranger and begged him to accompany them to the palace.[515](#linknote-515)
The ministers were glad when they heard the news, and most respectfully welcomed their new king. As soon as the rites and ceremonies necessary for the installation of a king had been observed, his majesty entered on his duties. The first thing he did was to send for the potter and his wife and grant them some land and money. In this and other ways, such as just judgments, proper laws, and kindly notices of all who were clever and good, he won for himself the good opinion and affection of his subjects and prospered in consequence thereof. After a few months, however, his health was impaired, and his physicians advised him to take out-door exercise. Accordingly, he alternately rode, hunted and fished. He was especially fond of fishing, and whenever he indulged in this amusement, he was attended by two sons of a fisherman, who were clever and handsome youths.
About this time the merchant who bought the wife of the poor king that was carried away by the rapid river visited that country for purposes of trade. He obtained an interview with the king, and displayed before him all his precious stones and stuffs. The king was much pleased to see such treasures, and asked many questions about them and the countries whence they had been brought. The merchant satisfied the king's curiosity, and then begged permission to trade in that country, under his majesty's protection, which the king readily granted, and ordered that some soldiers should be placed on guard in the merchant's courtyard, and sent the fisherman's two sons to sleep in the premises.
One night those two youths not being able to sleep, the younger asked his brother to tell him a story to pass the time, so he replied, "I will tell you one out of our own experience: Once upon a time there lived a great and wealthy king, who was very proud, and his pride led him to utter ruin and caused him the sorest afflictions.. One day when going about with his army, challenging other kings to fight with him, a great and powerful king appeared and conquered him. He escaped with his wife and two sons to the sea, hoping to find a vessel, by which he and his family might reach a foreign land. After walking several miles they reached the sea-shore and found a ship ready to sail. The master of the vessel took the queen, but the king and his two sons were held back by some men, who had been hired by the master for this purpose, until the ship was under way. The poor king after this walked long and far till he came to a rapid river. As there was no bridge or boat near, he was obliged to wade across. He took one of his boys and got over safely, and was returning for the other when he stumbled over a stone, lost his footing, and was carried down the stream; and he has not been heard of since. A fisherman came along, and, seeing the two boys crying, took them into his boat, and afterwards to his house, and became very fond of them, as did also his wife, and they were like father and mother to them. All this happened a few years ago, and the two boys are generally believed to be the fisherman's own sons. O brother, we are these two boys! And there you have my story."
The tale was so interesting and its conclusion so wonderful that the younger brother was more awake than before. It had also attracted the attention of another. The merchant's promised wife, who happened to be lying awake at the time, and whose room was separated from the warehouse by a very thin partition, overheard all that had been said, and she thought within herself, "Surely these two boys must be my own sons." Presently she was sitting beside them and asking them many questions. Two years or more had made great difference in the persons of both the boys, but there were certain signs which a hundred years could not efface from a mother's memory. These, together with the answers which she elicited from them, assured her that she had found her own sons again. Tears streamed down her face as she embraced them, and revealed to them that she was the queen, their mother, about whom they had just been speaking. She then told them all that had happened to her since she had been parted from them and their poor father, the king; after which she explained that although the merchant was a good man and very wealthy yet she did not like him well enough to become his wife, and proposed a plan for her getting rid of him. "My device," said she, "is to pretend to the merchant that you attempted my honour. I shall affect to be very angry and not give him any peace until he goes to the king and complains against you. Then will the king send for you in great wrath and inquire into this matter. In reply you may say it is all a mistake, for you regard me as your own mother, and in proof of this you will beg the king to summon me into his presence, that I may corroborate what you say. Then I will declare that you are really my own sons, and beseech the king to free me from the merchant and allow me to live with you in any place I may choose for the rest of my days."
The sons agreed to this proposal, and next night, when the merchant was also sleeping in the house, the woman raised a great cry, so that everybody was awakened by the noise. The merchant came and asked the cause of the outcry, and she answered, "The two youths who look after your warehouse have attempted to violate me, so I screamed in order to make them desist." On hearing this the merchant was enraged. He immediately bound the two youths, and, as soon as there was any chance of seeing the king, took them before him preferred his complaint. "What have you to say in your defence?" said the king, addressing the youths; "because, if what this merchant charges against you be true, I will have you at once put to death. Is this the gratitude you manifest for all my kindness and condescension towards you? Say quickly what you have to say." "O king, our benefactor," replied the elder brother, "we are not affrighted by your words and looks, for we are true servants. We have not betrayed your trust in us, but have always tried to fulfil your wishes to the utmost of our power. The charges brought against us by this merchant are unfounded. We have not attempted to dishonour his wife; we have rather always regarded her as our own mother. May it please your majesty to send for the woman and inquire further into this matter."
The king consented, and the woman was brought before him. "Is it true," he asked her "what the merchant, your affianced husband, witnesses against these two youths?" "O king," she replied, "the youths whom you gave to help the merchant have most carefully tried to carry out your wishes. But the night before last I heard their conversation. The elder was telling the younger a tale, from his own experience, he said. It was a story of a conceited king who had been defeated by another more powerful than he, and obliged to fly with his wife and two children to the sea. There, through the vile trickery of the master of a vessel, the wife was stolen and taken away to far distant lands, where she became engaged to a wealthy trader; while the exiled king and his two sons wandered in another direction, till they came to a river, in which the king was drowned. The two boys were found by a fisherman and brought up as his own sons. These two boys, O king, are before you, and I am their mother, who was taken away and sold to the trader, and who after two days must be married to him. For I promised that if within a certain period I should not meet with my husband and two sons I would be his wife. But I entreat your majesty to free me from this man. I do not wish to marry again, now that I have found my two sons. In order to obtain an audience of your majesty, this trick was arranged with the two youths."
By the time the woman had finished her story the king's face was suffused with tears and he was trembling visibly. When he had somewhat recovered he rose from the throne and going up to the woman and the two youths embraced them long and fervently. "You are my own dear wife and children," he cried. "God has sent you back to me. I, the king, your husband, your father, was not drowned as you supposed; but was swallowed by a great fish and nourished by it for some time, and then the monster threw itself upon the river's bank and I was extricated. A potter and his wife had pity on me and taught me their trade, and I was just beginning to earn my living by making earthen vessels when the late king of this country died, and I was chosen king by the royal elephant and hawkโI who am now standing here." Then his majesty ordered the queen and her two sons to be taken into the inner apartments of the palace, and explained his conduct to the people assembled. The merchant was politely dismissed from the country. And as soon as the two princes were old enough to govern the kingdom, the king committed to them the charge of all affairs, while he retired with his wife to a sequestered spot and passed the rest of his days in peace.
The tale of Sarwar and Nรญr, "as told by a celebrated Bard from Baraut, in the Merath district," in vol. iii. of Captain R. C. Temple's "Legends of the Panjรกb" (pp. 97-125), though differing in form somewhat from the Kashmรญrรญ version, yet possesses the leading incidents in common with it, as will be seen from the following abstract:
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Moral of the Story
Pride can lead to ruin, but humility and perseverance can lead to restoration and unexpected blessings.
Characters
The King (Father) ★ protagonist
A man of regal bearing, likely of average height and build, with features consistent with a Kashmiri background. His initial appearance would be well-fed and confident, later becoming gaunt and weathered from hardship.
Attire: Initially, rich, flowing robes of silk and brocade, possibly with intricate Kashmiri embroidery, a jeweled turban, and fine leather sandals. After his defeat, simple, coarse cotton garments in muted colors, disguised as a commoner. As a potter, practical, clay-stained clothes. As the new king, he would resume wearing regal attire, perhaps a simpler, more practical version than his original boastful self.
Wants: Initially, to prove his power and wealth. Later, to survive, protect his family, and eventually reunite with them.
Flaw: Excessive pride and self-glorification, which led to his downfall.
Transforms from an arrogant, boastful ruler to a humble, resilient survivor, and finally to a wise and compassionate king, having learned the true value of family and humility through immense suffering.
Boastful, arrogant, resilient, loving (towards family), humble (after hardship), wise (after transformation).
The Queen (Mother) ★ protagonist
A woman of striking beauty, with features typical of Kashmiri women: fair complexion, graceful build, and elegant demeanor. Her beauty is a recurring plot point.
Attire: Initially, exquisite Kashmiri attire: a richly embroidered pheran (long tunic) made of silk or pashmina, possibly with a matching salwar or churidar, and a delicate headscarf (kasaba) adorned with jewels. Later, as a captive and then a merchant's intended, still fine but perhaps less ornate clothing, possibly a beautiful silk sari or a more modest but still elegant pheran. Her clothing would reflect her status as a valuable possession.
Wants: To reunite with her husband and sons, and to maintain her honor.
Flaw: Her beauty, which makes her a target for unscrupulous men.
Endures separation and forced engagement, but never loses hope or her resolve. Uses her intelligence to orchestrate a reunion with her family and reclaim her rightful place.
Beautiful, loyal, resourceful, intelligent, determined, maternal.
The Elder Son ◆ supporting
Initially a young boy, growing into a strong, capable young man. Features consistent with Kashmiri ethnicity.
Attire: Initially, simple, comfortable clothes suitable for a prince in disguise, likely cotton tunics and trousers. As a fisherman's son, practical, durable garments of coarse cotton or wool, possibly patched, suitable for working by the river. Later, as a warehouse worker, similar practical attire. Upon reunion, he would be dressed in more refined clothing.
Wants: To survive, to find his family, and to support his brother.
Flaw: His youth and initial vulnerability after losing his parents.
Transforms from a grieving child into a responsible and capable young man, instrumental in the family's reunion and eventual restoration.
Loyal, resilient, responsible, intelligent, protective (of his younger brother).
The Younger Son ◆ supporting
Initially a young boy, growing into a strong, capable young man. Features consistent with Kashmiri ethnicity.
Attire: Initially, simple, comfortable clothes suitable for a prince in disguise, likely cotton tunics and trousers. As a fisherman's son, practical, durable garments of coarse cotton or wool, possibly patched, suitable for working by the river. Later, as a warehouse worker, similar practical attire. Upon reunion, he would be dressed in more refined clothing.
Wants: To survive, to find his family, and to stay with his brother.
Flaw: His youth and initial vulnerability after losing his parents.
Transforms from a grieving child into a responsible and capable young man, supporting his brother in the family's reunion.
Loyal, resilient, adaptable, supportive (of his elder brother).
The Shipmaster ⚔ antagonist
A man of rough appearance, likely weathered from sea travel, with a strong build. His features would suggest a cunning and unscrupulous nature.
Attire: Practical, durable clothing suitable for a ship's captain in the region, likely coarse linen or wool tunic and trousers, perhaps a vest, and sturdy leather boots. His clothes would be functional rather than decorative.
Wants: To possess The Queen and profit from her beauty.
Flaw: His overwhelming lust and greed, which lead him to commit vile acts.
Remains static in his villainy, serving as a catalyst for the family's separation.
Greedy, lustful, treacherous, unscrupulous, manipulative.
The Merchant ◆ supporting
A wealthy man, likely well-dressed and of a comfortable build, with features consistent with a Kashmiri or regional merchant. He would appear respectable but perhaps a little self-serving.
Attire: Rich, but practical, merchant's attire. Perhaps a fine silk pheran or a tailored tunic and trousers, made of quality fabrics like brocade or fine wool, in deep, respectable colors. He would wear a turban, possibly with a simple jewel, and fine leather shoes.
Wants: To acquire The Queen as his wife, believing he can win her affection over time.
Flaw: His desire for The Queen and his inability to see through her ruse.
Serves as a temporary guardian and potential husband for The Queen, ultimately dismissed without malice.
Wealthy, opportunistic, patient, somewhat naive (regarding The Queen's true intentions), respectable (in his dealings).
The Fisherman ◆ supporting
A kind-faced, weathered man, likely of average height and build, with features consistent with a Kashmiri fisherman. His hands would be strong and calloused from his trade.
Attire: Simple, practical clothing of coarse cotton or wool, possibly a short tunic and loose trousers, suitable for working by the river. His clothes would be worn but clean.
Wants: To help the distressed boys and provide them with a home and family.
Flaw: None explicitly stated, his kindness is his defining trait.
Provides a safe haven and loving home for the two lost princes, embodying selfless kindness.
Kind, compassionate, generous, humble, paternal.
The Fisherman's Wife ◆ supporting
A kind and nurturing woman, likely of average build, with features consistent with a Kashmiri woman. Her appearance would suggest warmth and domesticity.
Attire: Simple, practical Kashmiri attire, such as a plain cotton pheran over salwar, in muted, earthy tones. Her clothes would be clean and well-maintained.
Wants: To provide a loving home for the two boys and support her husband.
Flaw: None explicitly stated, her kindness is her defining trait.
Provides a loving, maternal figure for the lost princes, offering them stability and care.
Kind, nurturing, compassionate, maternal, welcoming.
The Potter ◆ supporting
A man of average build, likely with strong hands from his trade, and features consistent with a Kashmiri potter. His clothes would be stained with clay.
Attire: Practical, durable clothing of coarse cotton or linen, likely a tunic and trousers, stained with clay. He might wear a simple head covering to keep dust out of his hair.
Wants: Initially, to get fish for his wife. Later, to help the distressed man he found.
Flaw: None explicitly stated, his curiosity and compassion are his defining traits.
Plays a crucial role in saving the King's life, demonstrating selfless compassion.
Curious, brave (to investigate the fish), compassionate, diligent, helpful.
Locations
King's Original Palace
A grand royal residence, likely in the Kashmiri architectural style, with intricate woodwork, perhaps overlooking lush valleys or mountains. The specific details are not given, but it implies a setting of immense wealth and power.
Mood: Initially opulent and boastful, later filled with the tension of defeat and escape.
The king's initial self-glorification and subsequent defeat, leading to his escape.
Seashore and Ship
A bustling port or a secluded stretch of coastline where a ship is docked, ready to depart. The air is likely salty, and the sound of waves and gulls is present.
Mood: Initially hopeful for escape, quickly turning to betrayal and despair.
The family's attempt to escape by sea, resulting in the queen's abduction and the king and sons being left behind.
Shallow, Rapid River
A river that, despite being shallow, has a strong, swift current. The banks are likely natural, possibly with some vegetation, and there's no bridge or boat in sight.
Mood: Desperate, tragic, and unforgiving.
The king's tragic drowning while trying to cross with his sons, leading to the boys' separation.
Fisherman's House and Village
A humble, cozy dwelling in a fishing village, likely made of local materials like wood or mud brick, with a simple, practical interior. It's a place of warmth and kindness.
Mood: Safe, nurturing, and industrious.
The two boys find shelter and a new family, learning the trade of fishing and growing up here.
The New King's Palace
A grand palace, now occupied by the former king, who was chosen by the royal elephant and hawk. It would reflect the local Kashmiri architectural style, possibly with courtyards, audience halls, and inner apartments.
Mood: Initially formal and tense during the trial, transforming into joyous reunion and peace.
The dramatic reunion of the entire family, the king's revelation, and the resolution of the story.
Story DNA
Moral
Pride can lead to ruin, but humility and perseverance can lead to restoration and unexpected blessings.
Plot Summary
A proud king is defeated and flees with his family. His queen is kidnapped and sold to a merchant, while he is separated from his two sons and swallowed by a giant fish. Miraculously, he is rescued, becomes a potter, and is chosen as the new king. His sons are adopted by a fisherman and later become his royal attendants. Through a series of fated events, the queen and sons discover each other, and then orchestrate a revelation before the king, leading to the joyous reunion of the entire family and the restoration of their happiness.
Themes
Emotional Arc
pride to suffering to triumph
Writing Style
Narrative Elements
Cultural Context
The story reflects common folk tale motifs found across various cultures, particularly in South Asia, regarding lost royalty, miraculous survival, and eventual reunion. The mention of 'bhรบt' is specific to regional folklore.
Plot Beats (14)
- A proud king is defeated in battle, loses his kingdom, and flees with his wife and two sons.
- At the seashore, the queen is tricked onto a ship and kidnapped by the shipmaster, who later sells her to a merchant.
- The king and his two sons are left behind; the king attempts to cross a river with his sons but is swept away and swallowed by a giant fish.
- The two sons are found by a kind fisherman and his wife, who adopt them and raise them as their own, teaching them to fish.
- The king, inside the fish, is eventually found and rescued by a potter, who nurses him back to health and teaches him the trade.
- The king of that country dies, and the rescued king is chosen as the new sovereign by the royal elephant and hawk.
- The new king, now prosperous, takes the two fisherman's sons (his own children) as his fishing companions.
- The merchant, who bought the queen, visits the new king's court for trade, bringing the queen with him.
- The two sons, guarding the merchant's warehouse, tell each other their life story, revealing their true identities and past.
- The queen, overhearing their story, recognizes them as her sons and reveals her identity to them.
- The queen devises a plan: she accuses the sons of attempting to dishonor her, forcing the merchant to complain to the king.
- Before the king, the sons deny the charge and ask for the queen to corroborate; she then reveals the entire story of their separation and reunion.
- The king realizes the woman is his wife and the youths are his sons, revealing his own miraculous survival and ascent to the throne.
- The family is joyfully reunited, the merchant is dismissed, and the king and queen eventually retire, leaving the kingdom to their sons.