Hereafterthis
by Unknown · from Tales of Laughter: A third fairy book
Adapted Version
Jan lived alone. He was a farmer. He wanted a wife. He found Mally. Jan asked Mally to marry. She said yes. They married.
Jan asked, "Milk?" Mally said yes. Jan bought cows. Mally took cows to water. She pushed them to drink. Cows drank too much. They got stuck. Mally told Jan everything. Jan said, "Oh, never mind, my dear. Better luck next time."
Jan asked, "Feed pigs?" Mally said yes. Jan bought pigs. Mally put food in trough. She pushed their heads. Pigs ate too fast. They got tummy aches. Mally told Jan everything. Jan said, "Oh, never mind, my dear. Better luck next time."
Jan asked, "Bake?" Mally said yes. Jan bought flour. Mally took flour up a hill. Wind blew all the flour away. Mally told Jan everything. Jan said, "Oh, never mind, my dear. Better luck next time."
Jan asked, "Make drink?" Mally said yes. She made a drink. A Black Dog looked. Mally threw the plug. Drink spilled. Mally told Jan everything. Jan said, "Oh, never mind, my dear. Better luck next time."
One day, Mally cleaned the house. She found a bag. It was money for their house. Mally showed Jan. Jan said, "Oh, that is for Hereafterthis."
A man came to the door. He looked nice. He said, "I am Hereafterthis." Mally gave him the bag. The man smiled. He took the money. He walked away.
Mally told Jan everything. Jan said, "Oh, never mind, my dear. Better luck next time."
Jan was sad. They had no money. Jan said, "We must find our money." "We will roam the world." Jan took the house door. He took it off its hinges. "This will be our bed," he said.
They walked many days. They walked many nights. At night, they climbed a tree. They put the door in the tree. They slept on the door.
One night, they were in a tree. They saw men below. The men sat at a table. They were counting money. Mally looked closely. "Look, Jan!" she whispered. "That is our money!" The tricky man was there.
Jan had an idea. He pushed the door. The door fell down. It crashed on the table. Crash! Bang! The tricky men jumped. They were very scared. They ran away fast.
Jan and Mally climbed down. They picked up their money. They found more money too. They went home. They bought new cows. They bought new pigs. They lived happily. Jan and Mally were happy.
Original Story
Hereafterthis
Once upon a time there was a farmer called Jan, and he lived all alone by himself in a little farmhouse.
By and by he thought that he would like to have a wife to keep it all vitty for him.
So he went a-courting a fine maid, and he said to her: “Will you marry me?”
“That I will, to be sure,” said she.
So they went to church and were wed. After the wedding was over, she got up on his horse behind him, and he brought her home. And they lived as happy as the day was long.
One day Jan said to his wife: “Wife, can you milk-y?”
“Oh, yes, Jan, I can milk-y. Mother used to milk-y when I lived home.”
So he went to market and bought her ten red cows. All went well till one day when she had driven them to the pond to drink, she thought they did not drink fast enough. So she drove them right into the pond to make them drink faster, and they were all drowned.
When Jan came home she up and told him what she had done, and he said: “Oh, well, there, never mind, my dear; better luck next time.”
So they went on for a bit, and then one day Jan said to his wife: “Wife, can you serve pigs?”
“Oh, yes, Jan, I can serve pigs. Mother used to serve pigs when I lived home.”
So Jan went to market and bought her some pigs. All went well till one day, when she had put their food into the trough, she thought they did not eat fast enough, and she pushed their heads into the trough to make them eat faster, and they were all choked.
225When Jan came home she up and told him what she had done, and he said: “Oh, well, there, never mind, my dear; better luck next time.”
So they went on for a bit, and then one day Jan said to his wife: “Wife, can you bake-y?”
“Oh, yes, Jan, I can bake-y. Mother used to bake-y when I lived home.”
So he bought everything for his wife so that she could bake bread. All went well for a bit, till one day she thought she would bake white bread for a treat for Jan. So she carried her meal to the top of a high hill, and let the wind blow on it, for she thought to herself that the wind would blow out all the bran. But the wind blew away meal and bran and all—so there was an end of it.
When Jan came home, she up and told him what she had done, and he said: “Oh, well, there, never mind, my dear; better luck next time.”
So they went on for a bit, and then one day Jan said to his wife: “Wife, can you brew-y?”
“Oh, yes, Jan, I can brew-y. Mother used to brew-y when I lived home.”
So he bought everything proper for his wife to brew ale with. All went well for a bit, till one day when she had brewed her ale and put it in the barrel, a big black dog came in and looked up in her face. She drove him out of the house, but he stayed outside the door and still looked up in her face. And she got so angry that she pulled out the plug of the barrel, threw it at the dog, and said: “What dost look at me for? I be Jan’s wife.” Then the dog ran down the road, and she ran after him to chase him right away. When she came back again, she found that the ale had all run out of the barrel, and so there was an end of it.
When Jan came home, she up and told him what she had done, and he said: “Oh, well, there, never mind, my dear; better luck next time.”
So they went on for a bit, and then one day she thought to herself, “’Tis time to clean up my house.” When she was 226taking down her big bed she found a bag of groats on the tester. So when Jan came home, she up and said to him: “Jan, what is that bag of groats on the tester for?”
“That is for Hereafterthis, my dear.”
Now, there was a robber outside the window, and he heard what Jan said. Next day, he waited till Jan had gone to market, and then he came and knocked at the door. “What do you please to want?” said Mally.
“I am Hereafterthis,” said the robber. “I have come for the bag of groats.”
Now the robber was dressed like a fine gentleman, so she thought to herself it was very kind of so fine a man to come for the bag of groats, so she ran up-stairs and fetched the bag of groats, and gave it to the robber and he went away with it.
When Jan came home she said to him: “Jan, Hereafterthis has been for the bag of groats.”
“What do you mean, wife?” said Jan.
So she up and told him, and he said: “Then I’m a ruined man, for that money was to pay our rent with. The only thing we can do is to roam the world over till we find the bag of groats.” Then Jan took the house-door off its hinges, “That’s all we shall have to lie on,” he said. So Jan put the door on his back, and they both set out to look for Hereafterthis. Many a long day they went, and in the night Jan used to put the door on the branches of a tree, and they would sleep on it. One night they came to a big hill, and there was a high tree at the foot. So Jan put the door up in it, and they got up in the tree and went to sleep. By and by Jan’s wife heard a noise, and she looked to see what it was. It was an opening of a door in the side of the hill. Out came two gentlemen with a long table, and behind them fine ladies and lords, each carrying a bag, and one of them was Hereafterthis with the bag of groats. They sat round the table, and began to drink and talk and count up all the money in the bags. So then Jan’s wife woke him up, and asked what they should do.
227“Now’s our time,” said Jan, and he pushed the door off the branches, and it fell right in the very middle of the table, and frightened the robbers so that they all ran away. Then Jan and his wife got down from the tree, took as many moneybags as they could carry on the door, and went straight home. And Jan bought his wife more cows, and more pigs, and they lived happy ever after.
Story DNA
Plot Summary
Jan, a farmer, marries a wife who, despite her claims, proves disastrously incompetent at every farm task, from drowning cows to choking pigs and losing flour and ale. Jan, with endless patience, always tells her 'never mind.' When she finds their rent money, Jan casually calls it 'Hereafterthis,' leading her to give it to a robber disguised as 'Hereafterthis.' Ruined, Jan takes their house door as a bed and they set out to find the money. They eventually discover the robbers counting their loot, and Jan uses the door to scare them away, recovering their money and more, allowing them to return home and live happily ever after.
Themes
Emotional Arc
domestic bliss to repeated frustration to adventure to triumph
Writing Style
Narrative Elements
Cultural Context
This tale reflects a common folk motif of the 'foolish wife' or 'simpleton' whose literal interpretations or misguided efforts lead to comical disaster, often paired with a patient or equally simple husband. The 'Hereafterthis' motif is a specific type of misunderstanding.
Plot Beats (14)
- Jan, a lonely farmer, decides to marry and finds a wife.
- Jan's wife claims she can milk cows, but then drowns ten red cows by forcing them to drink faster.
- Jan's wife claims she can serve pigs, but then chokes them by forcing them to eat faster.
- Jan's wife claims she can bake, but loses all the flour trying to blow out the bran with wind.
- Jan's wife claims she can brew, but loses all the ale by pulling the plug to throw at a dog.
- Jan consistently responds to her failures with 'Oh, well, there, never mind, my dear; better luck next time.'
- The wife finds a bag of groats (rent money) and Jan tells her it's for 'Hereafterthis'.
- A robber, overhearing, disguises himself as a gentleman, claims to be 'Hereafterthis', and the wife gives him the bag of groats.
- Jan is distraught, realizing they are ruined, and decides they must roam the world to find the money.
- Jan takes the house door off its hinges to use as a bed, and they set out on their journey.
- They travel for many days, sleeping on the door in trees at night.
- One night, from their perch in a tree, they witness a group of robbers, including 'Hereafterthis', counting their stolen money at a table below.
- Jan pushes the house door off the branches, causing it to crash onto the robbers' table, scaring them away.
- Jan and his wife collect their money and more, return home, and live happily ever after with new livestock.
Characters
Jan
A sturdy, practical farmer of average height and build, with hands calloused from farm work. His complexion is weathered from outdoor life.
Attire: Simple, durable peasant clothing: a homespun linen shirt, sturdy wool breeches, a practical waistcoat, and worn leather boots. Colors would be muted earth tones.
Wants: To live a happy, comfortable life with a wife, and later, to recover his lost money and secure their future.
Flaw: Overly patient and forgiving, which allows his wife's mishaps to continue unchecked for a long time.
Starts as a patient farmer, becomes a resourceful adventurer when faced with ruin, and ultimately restores his prosperity.
Patient, forgiving, optimistic, practical, resourceful.
Mally
A young, perhaps slightly naive-looking woman of average height and slender build, with a generally pleasant appearance.
Attire: Simple, clean peasant attire: a long linen smock or dress, possibly with a plain apron, and sturdy, comfortable shoes. Colors would be practical, like cream, light blue, or muted green.
Wants: To be a good wife and helpmate to Jan, and to perform her duties as she believes they should be done.
Flaw: Extreme literal-mindedness and a complete lack of common sense, leading to repeated catastrophic failures.
Remains largely unchanged in her literal-mindedness but ultimately contributes to their prosperity by waking Jan during the robber encounter.
Eager to please, well-meaning, incredibly literal, naive, prone to disastrous interpretations.
The Robber
A man of average height and build, but with an air of false sophistication. He is likely well-groomed to appear as a 'fine gentleman'.
Attire: Deceptively 'fine gentleman's' attire, likely a dark wool coat, a crisp linen shirt, tailored breeches, and polished leather boots. The quality would be good enough to fool Mally, but perhaps not truly aristocratic.
Wants: To steal money and valuables for personal gain.
Flaw: Cowardice and easily frightened, especially by sudden, loud noises.
Acts as a catalyst for Jan and Mally's journey but is ultimately defeated and loses his ill-gotten gains.
Cunning, deceptive, greedy, opportunistic, easily startled.
The Black Dog
A large, shaggy black dog, possibly a stray, with a sturdy build and dark, watchful eyes.
Attire: None, as it is an animal.
Wants: Likely attracted by the smell of the brewing ale, or simply curious.
Flaw: None apparent, as it successfully escapes.
A brief appearance that triggers one of Mally's mishaps, then disappears from the story.
Curious, persistent, perhaps a bit mischievous or simply hungry.
Locations
Jan's Farmhouse
A small, simple farmhouse, likely a traditional English cottage with a thatched or tiled roof, possibly half-timbered, with a hearth for baking. It contains a 'big bed' with a 'tester' (canopy frame) where a bag of groats is hidden. The house has a door that can be removed from its hinges.
Mood: Initially cozy and domestic, later becomes a place of repeated mishaps, then a site of discovery and a starting point for a journey.
Jan lives here alone, then brings his wife. She attempts various domestic tasks here (baking, brewing). The bag of groats is discovered, and the robber visits. Jan removes the door to begin their journey.
The Pond
A body of water on Jan's farm, used for watering livestock. It is deep enough to drown ten cows.
Mood: Initially mundane, then becomes a scene of accidental tragedy.
Jan's wife drives the ten red cows into the pond, drowning them.
High Hill for Baking
A prominent hill, exposed to strong winds, where Jan's wife attempts to winnow flour.
Mood: Exposed, breezy, leading to a comical failure.
Jan's wife takes her meal to the top of this hill, hoping the wind will blow away the bran, but it blows away everything.
Robbers' Lair Entrance (Side of the Hill)
An opening in the side of a 'big hill' that serves as the entrance to a hidden lair. It is described as a 'door' in the hillside.
Mood: Mysterious, secretive, slightly ominous.
Jan and his wife observe two gentlemen emerging from this opening, followed by others, indicating the robbers' meeting place.
Robbers' Meeting Place (Under the Tree)
A clearing at the foot of a 'big hill' where a 'high tree' stands. The robbers set up a long table here to count their money. Jan and his wife sleep on their house-door in the branches of this tree.
Mood: Secretive, tense, then chaotic and surprising.
The robbers gather here to count their loot. Jan and his wife observe them from the tree, then drop the house-door onto their table, scaring them away and recovering their money.