Sir Gammer Vans
by Unknown · from Tales of Laughter: A third fairy book
Adapted Version
One Sunday, I went on a strange trip. I sailed over tall mountains. My little boat was fast. I saw two men there. They rode one horse. This was very funny.
I asked them a question. "Do you know a woman?" I asked. "She got lost in feathers." They said no. "Go to Sir Gammer Vans," they said. "He knows everything."
"How do I find his house?" I asked. "It is easy," they said. "It is a brick house. It is made of stones. It stands alone. Many houses are like it."
I found Sir Gammer Vans. He was a very big man. He made bottles. He popped from a tiny bottle. It was a thumb-bottle. He stood very tall.
"Hello," he said. "Do you want breakfast?" I said yes. He gave me beer. It was a slice of beer. He gave me cold meat. It was a cup of meat.
A little dog was under the table. It ate crumbs. I said, "Bad dog!" Sir Gammer Vans said, "No, good dog." "It caught a rabbit yesterday." He showed me the rabbit. It was alive in a basket.
We went to his garden. It was very strange. A fox sat on eggs. They were eagle eggs. An iron tree grew there. It had pears. It had lead fruit too.
I saw strange things. They hit tobacco. A plug went through a wall. It hit a little dog. The dog looked very funny inside. It howled loudly.
I jumped over the wall. I helped the dog. I turned it back. It was fine. The dog ran away fast. It looked happy then.
Then we went to the park. Sir Gammer Vans showed deer. I wanted to catch deer.
I used my bow. I shot an arrow. The arrow flew past deer. It did not touch them. My arrow went away. I lost my arrow.
I found my arrow. It was in a tree. The tree was hollow. I smelled sweet honey. Then birds flew out. They were partridges.
I caught the partridges. A big flying fish was there. It flew over a bridge. I made a pie. It was an apple-pie. It tasted good.
Original Story
Sir Gammer Vans
Last Sunday morning at six o’clock in the evening as I was sailing over the tops of the mountains in my little boat, I met two men on horseback riding on one mare: So I asked them: “Could they tell me whether the little old woman was dead yet who was hanged last Saturday week for drowning herself in a shower of feathers?” They said they could not inform me positively, but if I went to Sir Gammer Vans he could tell me all about it.
“But how am I to know the house?” said I.
“Ho, ‘tis easy enough,” said they, “for ‘tis a brick house built entirely of flints, standing alone by itself in the middle of sixty or seventy others just like it.”
“Oh, nothing in the world is easier,” said I.
“Nothing can be easier,” said they: so I went on my way. Now this Sir G. Vans was a giant, and a bottle-maker. And as all giants who are bottle-makers usually pop out of a little thumb-bottle from behind the door, so did Sir G. Vans.
“How d’ye do?” says he.
“Very well, I thank you,” says I.
“Have some breakfast with me?”
“With all my heart,” says I.
So he gave me a slice of beer, and a cup of cold veal; and there was a little dog under the table that picked up all the crumbs.
“Hang him,” says I.
“No, don’t hang him,” says he; “for he killed a hare yesterday. And if you don’t believe me, I’ll show you the hare alive in a basket.”
So he took me into his garden to show me the curiosities. In one corner there was a fox hatching eagle’s eggs; in another 204there was an iron apple-tree, entirely covered with pears and lead; in the third there was the hare which the dog killed yesterday alive in the basket; and in the fourth there were twenty-four hipper switches threshing tobacco, and at the sight of me they threshed so hard that they drove the plug through the wall, and through a little dog that was passing by on the other side. I, hearing the dog howl, jumped over the wall; and turned it as neatly inside out as possible, when it ran away as if it had not an hour to live. Then he took me into the park to show me his deer; and I remembered that I had a warrant in my pocket to shoot venison for his majesty’s dinner. So I set fire to my bow, poised my arrow, and shot among them. I broke seventeen ribs on one side, and twenty-one and a half on the other; but my arrow passed clean through without ever touching it, and the worst was I lost my arrow. However, I found it again in the hollow of a tree. I felt it; it felt clammy. I smelt it; it smelt honey. “Oh, ho,” said I, “here’s a bees’ nest,” when out sprang a covey of partridges. I shot at them; some say I killed eighteen; but I am sure I killed thirty-six, besides a dead salmon which was flying over the bridge, of which I made the best apple-pie I ever tasted.
Story DNA
Plot Summary
The narrator recounts a series of impossible events from a Sunday morning, beginning with a bizarre encounter with two men who direct him to Sir Gammer Vans. Sir Gammer Vans, a giant bottle-maker, serves a nonsensical breakfast and then shows off his garden filled with paradoxes. The narrator witnesses a dog being turned inside out and then goes deer hunting, where his arrow passes through the deer without touching them. The adventure concludes with the narrator finding partridges in a bees' nest and making an apple-pie from a dead flying salmon.
Themes
Emotional Arc
amusement to bewilderment
Writing Style
Narrative Elements
Cultural Context
This is a classic example of an English cumulative nonsense tale or tall tale, often told for amusement rather than moral instruction. It plays on expectations of logic and reality.
Plot Beats (13)
- The narrator recounts sailing over mountains and meeting two men on horseback riding one mare.
- The narrator asks the men about a woman hanged for drowning herself in feathers, and they direct him to Sir Gammer Vans.
- The men give impossible directions to Sir Gammer Vans' house.
- The narrator finds Sir Gammer Vans, a giant bottle-maker who pops out of a thumb-bottle.
- Sir Gammer Vans offers the narrator a breakfast of a slice of beer and a cup of cold veal.
- A dog under the table picks up crumbs, and Sir Gammer Vans defends it by claiming it killed a hare, which he then shows alive in a basket.
- Sir Gammer Vans shows the narrator his garden, containing a fox hatching eagle's eggs and an iron apple-tree with pears and lead.
- The narrator observes 'hipper switches' threshing tobacco, which drives a plug through a wall and a passing dog, turning it inside out.
- The narrator jumps over the wall, turns the dog back, and it runs away.
- Sir Gammer Vans takes the narrator to the park to see his deer, and the narrator decides to shoot venison.
- The narrator shoots his bow, breaking ribs on the deer but his arrow passes through without touching it, and he loses the arrow.
- The narrator finds his arrow in a hollow tree, smells honey, and discovers a covey of partridges.
- The narrator shoots the partridges and also a dead salmon flying over a bridge, from which he makes an apple-pie.
Characters
The Narrator
Average height and build, unremarkable features, likely dressed for travel or adventure given his fantastical journey. No specific distinguishing marks are mentioned, suggesting a common, everyman appearance.
Attire: Practical, sturdy clothing suitable for sailing and riding, perhaps a simple tunic and breeches made of wool or linen, in muted, earthy tones. No specific embellishments are mentioned, suggesting a functional rather than decorative attire.
Wants: To find information (initially about the old woman), but more broadly, to engage with the strange world around him and experience its wonders.
Flaw: Overly literal interpretation of events, prone to exaggeration, and perhaps a touch naive in his acceptance of the impossible.
He doesn't undergo a significant character arc, but rather serves as a conduit for the story's absurdities, remaining consistently curious and accepting.
Curious, unflappable, literal-minded (despite the absurdity), adventurous, and somewhat boastful (about his hunting prowess). He accepts the fantastical without question.
Sir Gammer Vans
A giant, implying immense height and a proportionally large build. As a bottle-maker, he might have strong, calloused hands. His appearance is likely somewhat comical or absurd, fitting the story's tone.
Attire: No specific clothing mentioned, but as a bottle-maker, his attire would be practical and possibly smudged with soot or glass dust. Perhaps a large, simple tunic and trousers made of coarse fabric, in earthy or dark tones.
Wants: To entertain himself and others with his peculiar creations and possessions; to maintain his strange, illogical world.
Flaw: His entire existence and surroundings are based on illogic, which could be a weakness in a rational world, but in this story, it's his strength.
He remains consistently eccentric and absurd throughout his appearance, serving as a catalyst for the narrator's further adventures.
Eccentric, hospitable (offering a strange breakfast), possessive (of his dog), and a showman (proudly displaying his 'curiosities'). He is comfortable with the absurd.
The Dog (under the table)
A small dog, as it fits under a table and picks up crumbs. No specific breed or color is mentioned, allowing for a generic small dog appearance.
Attire: None, as it is an animal.
Wants: Food, survival.
Flaw: Vulnerable to strange accidents in Sir Gammer Vans's garden.
Experiences a bizarre injury and miraculous recovery, highlighting the story's absurdity.
Scavenging, quick, and surprisingly resilient (surviving being turned inside out).
Locations
Mountain Tops (Sailing)
The narrator is sailing in a small boat over the very tops of mountains, an impossible and surreal landscape.
Mood: Absurd, whimsical, dreamlike.
The narrator begins their journey and encounters two men on horseback.
Sir Gammer Vans' House
A brick house built entirely of flints, standing alone in the middle of many identical houses. Inside, it's a place of absurd hospitality.
Mood: Quirky, nonsensical, domestic yet bizarre.
The narrator meets Sir Gammer Vans and has a surreal breakfast.
Sir Gammer Vans' Garden
A garden filled with impossible curiosities, divided into distinct corners.
Mood: Surreal, bewildering, full of impossible wonders.
Sir Gammer Vans shows the narrator his bizarre garden attractions.
Sir Gammer Vans' Park
A park where deer roam, featuring a hollow tree and a bridge over a body of water.
Mood: Active, adventurous, still absurd.
The narrator attempts to hunt venison and finds a bees' nest (which turns out to be partridges) and a flying salmon.