Twigmuntus, Cowbelliantus, Perchnosius
by Unknown · from The Fairy Ring
Adapted Version
Once upon a time, there was a King. He loved big books. He loved long words.
He had The Princess, his daughter. He made a rule. Someone must answer his hard questions. They win The Princess and half the land. If they fail, they must leave the kingdom.
Many people came to the palace. They tried to answer the King. But they could not. They failed the King's test. They went home sad.
A young Lad lived in the land. He was a farmer's son. He heard about the King's rule. He wanted to try. He learned a little from The Parson.
The Lad did not like books much. They were too hard. He liked to learn from the world. He left The Parson.
The Lad walked in a big forest. A small stick fell. It hit his head. "That is Twigmuntus," he said.
He saw a big cow. The cow made a loud sound. "That is Cowbelliantus," he said.
He swam in a river. A small fish bit his nose. "That is Perchnosius," he said.
The Lad came to the big palace. He saw many sad people leaving. They failed the King's test. But the Lad was not scared.
The Guard tried to stop him. The Lad walked past him. He stood before The King. The Professors were there. They said it was very hard.
The Professors spoke many words. They were very long words. They sounded like silly words. The Lad did not know. He just nodded his head. He looked very smart.
The Professors stopped talking. Now it was the Lad's turn. He asked his question. "Twigmuntus, Cowbelliantus, Perchnosius?"
The King and Professors looked confused. They looked in their big books. They did not know these words. They had no answer.
The King and Professors could not speak. They were quiet. The Lad won! He got The Princess. He got half the kingdom. He was a good ruler.
Being smart and kind is best. The clever Lad and Princess lived well. The King learned simple smarts are good.
Original Story
Twigmuntus, Cowbelliantus, Perchnosius
ONCE upon a time there was a king who was so very learned that no parson in the whole world could surpass him; in fact, he was so learned that ordinary folks could hardly understand what he said, nor could he understand them either. But in order to have some one to talk with he procured seven wise professors, who were not quite so learned as himself, but who were just able to interpret his learned sayings so that people could apprehend them, and who could twist and turn about the talk of ordinary folk so that it became sufficiently learned and complicated for the King to understand it.
The King had no son, but he had a daughter, and in order that she should be happily married, and the country governed according to the fundamental principles of his learning, he issued an edict that he who was so learned as to put the King and his professors to silence should have his daughter and half the kingdom there and then. But anyone who attempted the task and did not succeed should lose his head for having dared to exchange words with the King.
That was no joke; but the Princess was so fair and beautiful that it was no joke to gaze at her either. And the King did not keep her caged up, for anyone who wished could see her.
There came princes and counts and barons and parsons and doctors and learned persons from all quarters of the world; and no sooner did they see the Princess than they one and all wanted to try their luck. But, however learned they were, their learning never proved sufficient, and everyone of them lost his head.
Over in a corner of the kingdom there lived a farmer who had a son. This lad was not stupid; he was quick of apprehension and sharp-witted, and he was not afraid of anything.
When the King's edict came to this out-of-the-way place, and the parson had read it from the pulpit, the lad wanted to try his luck. "He who nothing risks, nothing wins," thought the lad; and so he went to the parson and told him that if he would give him lessons in the evenings, he would work for this worship in the daytime, but he wanted to become so learned that he could try a bout with the King and his professors.
"Whoever means to compete with them must be able to do something more than munch bread," said the parson.
"That may be," said the lad; "but I'll try my luck."
The parson thought, of course, that he was mad; but when he could get such a clever hand to work for him only for his keep, he thought he could not very well say no; and so the lad got what he wanted.
He worked for the parson in the daytime, and the parson read with him in the evening; and in this way they went on for some time, but at last the lad grew tired of his books.
"I am not going to sit here and read and grind away, and lose what few wits I have," he said; "and it won't be of much help either, for if you are lucky things will come right of themselves, and if you are not lucky you'll never make a silk purse out of a sow's ear."
And with this he pitched the books on the shelf and went his way.
All at once he came to a large forest, where the trees and the bushes were so thick that it was with difficulty he could get along. While he was thus pushing his way through, he began wondering what he should say when he came to the king's palace, and how best he could make use of the learning he had picked up from the parson. All of a sudden the twig of a tree struck him across his mouth, so that his teeth rattled.
"That is Twigmuntus," he said.
A little while after he came to a meadow where a cow was standing bellowing so furiously that it almost deafened him.
"That is Cowbelliantus," he said.
He then came to a river; but as there was neither bridge nor planks across it, he had to put his clothes on his head and swim across.
While he was swimming a perch came and bit him on the nose.
"That is Perchnosius," he said.
At last he came to the King's palace, where things did not look at all pleasant, for there were men's heads stuck on long stakes round about, and they grinned so horribly that they were enough to frighten anyone out of his wits. But the lad was not easily frightened.
"God's peace!" he said, and raised his cap. "There you stick and grin at me; but who knows if I may not be keeping you company before the day is over, and be grinning with you at others? But if I happen to be alive, you shall not stick there any longer gaping at people," he said.
So he went up to the palace and knocked at the gate.
The guard came out and asked what he wanted.
"I have come to try my luck with the Princess," said the lad.
"You?" said the guard, "well, you're a likely one, you are! Have you lost your senses? There have been princes and counts and barons and parsons and doctors and learned persons here, and all of them have had to pay with their heads for that pleasure; and yet you think you'll succeed!" he said.
"I should say it is no concern of yours," said the lad; "just open the gate, and you'll see one who's not afraid of anything."
But the guard would not let him in.
"Do as I tell you," said the lad, "or there'll be a fine to-do!"
But the guard would not.
The lad then seized him by the collar and flung him against the wall so that it creaked; and then he walked straight in to the King, who sat in his parlor with his seven professors about him. Their faces were long and thin, and they looked like puny, sickly persons about to die. They were sitting with their heads on one side, meditating and staring at the floor.
Then one of them, who looked up, asked the lad in ordinary language: "Who are you?"
"A suitor," said the lad.
"Do you want to try for the Princess's hand?"
"Well, that's about it!" said the lad.
"Have you lost your wits? There have been princes and counts and barons and parsons and doctors and learned persons here, and all of them have gone headless away; so you had better turn about and get away while your head is on your shoulders," he said.
"Don't trouble yourself on that account, but rather think of the head on your own shoulders," said the lad. "You look after yours, and I'll take care of mine! So just begin and let me hear how much wit you have got, for I don't think you look so very clever," he said.
The first professor then began a long harangue of gibberish; and when he had finished the second went on; and then the third; and in this way they continued till at length it was the turn of the seventh. The lad did not understand a single word of it all, but he didn't lose courage for all that. He only nodded his approval to all of it.
When the last had finished his harangue he asked:
"Can you reply to that?"
"That's easy enough," said the lad. "Why, when I was in my cradle and in my go-cart I could twist my mouth about and prate and jabber like you," he said. "But since you are so terribly learned, I'll put a question to you, and that shall not be a long one:
"Twigmuntus, Cowbelliantus, Perchnosius? Can you give me an answer to that?"
And now you should have seen how they stretched their necks and strained their ears. They put on their spectacles and began to look into their books and turn over the leaves.
But while they were searching and meditating, the lad put his hands in his trousers pockets, and looked so frank and fearless that they could not help admiring him, and wondering that one who was so young could be so learned and yet look just like other people.
"Well, how are you getting on?" said the lad. "Cannot all your learning help you to open your mouths, so that I can have an answer to my question?" he said.
Then they began to ponder and meditate, and then they glanced at the ceiling, and then they stared at the walls, and then they fixed their eyes upon the floor. But they could not give him any answer, nor could the King himself, although he was much more learned than all the others together. They had to give it up, and the lad got the Princess and half the kingdom. This he ruled in his own way, and if it did not fare better, it did not fare worse for him than for the King with all his fundamental principles.
Story DNA
Moral
True wisdom and common sense can often outshine convoluted academic learning.
Plot Summary
An overly learned king decrees that anyone who can outwit him and his seven equally complex professors will win his daughter and half the kingdom, but failure means execution. Many learned men try and fail. A simple farmer's son, after briefly studying with a parson, abandons formal learning and embarks on his own, encountering three distinct events that inspire three nonsensical words: "Twigmuntus, Cowbelliantus, Perchnosius." Undeterred by the gruesome sight of past failures, he confronts the King and his professors, who speak in incomprehensible academic jargon. The lad then poses his own seemingly nonsensical question, which baffles the learned men and the King, rendering them speechless and thus winning him the princess and half the kingdom.
Themes
Emotional Arc
underestimation to triumph
Writing Style
Narrative Elements
Cultural Context
Reflects a common folk tale motif of the 'simpleton' or commoner outsmarting the 'wise' elite, often satirizing academic pomposity.
Plot Beats (13)
- A king, excessively learned, issues an edict: whoever can outwit him and his seven professors wins his daughter and half the kingdom; failure results in decapitation.
- Many learned individuals attempt the challenge but all fail and lose their heads.
- A quick-witted farmer's son decides to try, working for a parson in exchange for lessons.
- The lad quickly grows bored with formal learning, abandons his books, and sets out on his own.
- While traveling through a forest, a twig hits him, and he names it "Twigmuntus."
- He then encounters a bellowing cow and names it "Cowbelliantus."
- While swimming across a river, a perch bites his nose, and he names it "Perchnosius."
- Arriving at the palace, he sees the heads of previous challengers but remains unfazed.
- He forces his way past the guard and confronts the King and his professors, who warn him of the danger.
- The seven professors deliver long, incomprehensible speeches, which the lad pretends to understand by nodding.
- After the professors finish, the lad poses his own question: "Twigmuntus, Cowbelliantus, Perchnosius?"
- The King and his professors are utterly baffled by the question, unable to find any answer in their vast learning or books.
- Unable to speak, they are silenced, and the lad wins the Princess and half the kingdom, ruling successfully.
Characters
The King
A man of average height with a gaunt and somewhat frail build, likely due to his intense intellectual pursuits. His posture is probably stooped from years of reading and contemplation.
Attire: Formal, academic robes befitting a highly learned monarch, likely made of rich, dark fabrics like velvet or wool, possibly embroidered with subtle scholarly motifs. He would wear a simple, dignified crown or a scholar's cap.
Wants: To find someone as learned as himself (or more so) to converse with, and to ensure his kingdom is governed by his 'fundamental principles' of learning, which he believes are superior.
Flaw: His excessive learning makes him incomprehensible to ordinary people and unable to understand them. He is trapped by his own intellectual constructs and cannot grasp simple, practical wisdom.
He experiences a humbling defeat, realizing that his profound learning can be outsmarted by simple, practical wit. He is forced to concede to the lad, implying a shift in his understanding of governance and wisdom.
Obsessively learned, intellectual, detached from common understanding, proud, somewhat arrogant in his wisdom, but ultimately fair in upholding his own edict.
The Princess
Described as 'fair and beautiful,' implying a graceful and appealing appearance. Her build would be slender and elegant, typical of a royal daughter.
Attire: Elegant, flowing gowns made of fine fabrics like silk or brocade, in soft, appealing colors. Her attire would be refined but not overly ostentatious, reflecting her father's intellectual focus rather than pure opulence. Perhaps a simple circlet or hair ornament.
Wants: To be happily married, as desired by her father, and to escape the grim fate of the many suitors who fail.
Flaw: Her fate is entirely dependent on her father's decree and the intellectual prowess of her suitors, leaving her with little agency.
She is a static character, serving as the prize for the intellectual challenge. Her arc is tied to the Lad's success, as she gains a husband and a new ruler for the kingdom.
Beautiful, desirable, likely intelligent (though not in the same academic way as her father), and perhaps a bit resigned to her fate as a prize in her father's intellectual game.
The Lad
A robust and energetic young man, likely of average height with a sturdy build from farm work. He carries himself with confidence and fearlessness.
Attire: Simple, practical peasant clothing: sturdy linen shirt, wool trousers, and perhaps a simple vest or jacket. Colors would be earthy and muted (browns, greens, grays). He would wear practical, worn boots.
Wants: To try his luck, win the Princess, and gain half the kingdom, driven by a belief that fortune favors the bold and that practical wit is more valuable than abstract learning.
Flaw: Initially lacks formal education, which he dismisses, but his reliance on luck could be seen as a weakness if not for his inherent cleverness.
He transforms from an uneducated farmer's son into a prince and co-ruler of the kingdom, proving that practical wit and common sense can triumph over abstract, overly complex academic knowledge.
Quick-witted, sharp-witted, fearless, pragmatic, resourceful, confident, and a bit rebellious against conventional learning.
The Parson
Likely a man of average build, perhaps a bit scholarly in appearance, but more grounded than the King's professors. His posture would be upright and respectable.
Attire: Simple, dark, and respectable clerical attire, likely a cassock or a dark suit made of durable wool, befitting a rural parson.
Wants: To fulfill his duties as a parson and to benefit from the Lad's labor, while also attempting to educate him.
Flaw: Underestimates the Lad's unconventional intelligence, believing that only traditional academic learning can succeed.
A static character, serving as an initial mentor figure for the Lad before the Lad rejects formal learning.
Skeptical but pragmatic, willing to take a chance on the Lad for practical reasons (free labor), and dutiful in his role of reading edicts.
The Seven Wise Professors
Described as having 'long and thin' faces, looking 'puny, sickly persons about to die.' They are likely frail and gaunt from constant study, with stooped postures.
Attire: Formal, academic robes similar to the King's but perhaps less opulent, in muted, dark colors. They would be practical for long hours of study, possibly stained with ink.
Wants: To interpret the King's sayings, maintain their intellectual superiority, and uphold the King's decree, thereby keeping their positions and their heads.
Flaw: Their excessive reliance on abstract learning and inability to understand or respond to simple, practical questions. They are easily flustered by the unexpected.
They are static characters who are ultimately defeated and silenced by the Lad's simple, practical challenge, highlighting the limitations of their abstract knowledge.
Overly intellectual, pedantic, detached from reality, arrogant in their learning, but ultimately unable to cope with unconventional thought.
The Guard
A sturdy, uniformed man, likely of average height and build, trained for his duty. His posture would be rigid and authoritative.
Attire: Standard royal guard uniform, likely consisting of a sturdy tunic, trousers, and perhaps a breastplate or helmet, in the kingdom's colors (unspecified, but could be dark blue or red). He would carry a spear or halberd.
Wants: To uphold the King's rules and protect the palace, preventing unauthorized entry.
Flaw: Easily overpowered by the Lad's physical strength and determination.
A static character who serves as an initial obstacle for the Lad, quickly overcome.
Dutiful, skeptical, dismissive of common folk, and somewhat arrogant in his position, but ultimately easily intimidated by physical force.
Locations
The King's Palace Grounds
The area surrounding the King's palace, notably grim due to the sight of men's heads impaled on long stakes, grinning horribly. The atmosphere is a stark warning to those who fail the King's challenge.
Mood: eerie, foreboding, grim, intimidating
The lad's arrival at the palace, his defiant address to the impaled heads, and his forceful entry past the guard.
The King's Parlor
A formal room within the King's palace where the King and his seven professors conduct their learned discussions and challenges. The professors are described as having long, thin faces, looking puny and sickly, sitting with heads on one side, meditating and staring at the floor.
Mood: stuffy, intellectual, tense, slightly absurd
The confrontation between the lad and the King's professors, where the lad poses his riddle and ultimately wins the Princess and half the kingdom.