ALEXANDER JONES
by Unknown · from The Fir-Tree Fairy Book: Favorite Fairy Tales
Adapted Version
A big, silly fight started in town! Mr. Clerk sat on a bench. Mrs. Jean sat there too. "Move, Mrs. Jean!" said Mr. Clerk. "East is here!" Mrs. Jean did not move. "No!" she said. "East is there!" They did not agree.
Mr. Clerk stood up. Mrs. Jean stood up too. "I will show you!" he said. "No, I will show you!" she said. They ran around a chair. Round and round they went! They got very dizzy. Wobble, wobble! They bumped heads gently. "Oopsie!" they said. What a silly game!
Mr. Clerk and Mrs. Jean went to the grocer's. The grocer and his people were there. They told them about East and West. All joined the game! They all ran around a chair. Round and round they went! They got dizzy. They bumped heads gently. Alex watched still.
Now many people went to Mr. Mayor's house. Mr. Mayor was there. His people were there too. They told him about East and West. Mr. Mayor joined the silly game. His people joined! More running, more wobbling! They all bumped heads gently. Alex watched, very quiet.
Mr. Mayor called all to the town hall. Many people came. But there was no chair to run around! "Oh no!" they said. "Let's run around Mr. Mayor!" Mr. Mayor sat in his big chair. What a funny idea!
Mr. Mayor closed his eyes. All ran around him. Round and round they went! He got very, very dizzy. Wobble, wobble! He fell over softly from his chair. Plop! He was surprised. He was not hurt.
Mr. Mayor was very cross! He stood up fast. "Stop this silly game!" he said. "Stop it now!" "Or I make a button rule!" he warned. "For all!"
Mr. Clerk had a new idea. "Let's ask Peter the watchman!" he said. "He knows about the sun!" "His sister Jess helps too!" Peter and Jess can help.
The town hall was very full. There was no room! "Please, speaker," someone said. "And Alex, go outside!" So, they went outside. Alex was quiet. He just watched.
Do you know a secret? Who is Alex? He is not a person! He is a quiet, watching CAT! Meow! It is silly to fight so much. Alex knew it was all very silly. Meow!
Original Story
ALEXANDER JONES
“JEAN, move a wee bit east,” requested the town clerk as he sat at one end of the high-backed bench before his fire on a chilly autumn evening. “You’re taking too much room. You have more than your share of the seat.”
But Jean, his wife, had just got her knitting into a tangle, and was not in the best of humor. So she declined to move an inch, or to attend to what her husband was saying.
“Jean,” said he again, “move a wee bit east. It’s not right to sit so selfish. I’m at the very end of the bench, and here you are with your elbows digging into me. Sit a bit east, do you hear?” And when she did not respond, the town clerk gave his wife a rude shove.
“What do you mean by pushing me like that?” she demanded; “and what do you mean by east? There’s no such thing as east, and I can prove it.”
“No such thing as east!” shouted the town clerk. “Will you not believe the sun?”
Then he affirmed in a loud voice that, as the sun 36went around the earth every day and was always rising every moment somewhere in the east, therefore, everywhere was the east all over the world. So he hoped his wife would not make a goose of herself and talk nonsense.
Jean now rose to her feet, and said he did not look at the matter in the right way at all. As for the sun, it was all the time setting somewhere in the west and doing it every moment. Therefore, everywhere was west, and she trusted her husband would not be so foolish as to mention east again.
He shook his head and was going to reply, when she began to run around the table to show how the sun went, at the same time crying loudly, “West, west, west!”
This made the town clerk very angry, and he got up and ran around the table in the opposite direction, yelling, “East, east, east!” to show how he thought the sun went.
Yet it only ended by their getting extremely giddy and banging their heads together, a thing which hurt very much, and did not improve their tempers, or help the solving of the difficulty, you may be sure.
Meanwhile Alexander Jones sat quiet in a corner and said nothing.
The town clerk and his wife agreed in one thing, which was that the question was of too deep importance to be left unsettled. So they went to the grocer, who had a good-sized house up the street, and Alexander Jones went with them. They told the grocer about their dispute; and the grocer, and the grocer’s wife, and the grocer’s maiden aunt, and the grocer’s wife’s youngest married sister, and the 38grocer’s wife’s youngest married sister’s little girl were all much interested. But one took one view and another took another, and they all ran around the table, some this way, crying, “East!” and some the opposite way, crying, “West!” to show how the sun moved, in their opinion. It only ended in their getting extremely giddy, and banging their heads together, a thing which hurt very much and did not improve their tempers or help to solve the difficulty.
Meanwhile Alexander Jones sat quiet in a corner and said nothing.
They all agreed in one thing, which was that the question was of too deep importance to be left unsettled. So the whole company, including Alexander Jones, went to the home of the mayor. It faced on the market-place, and was the largest house in the town. They told about the dispute with all the ins and outs of the matter; and the mayor and the mayor’s wife, and the mayor’s favorite uncle, and the mayor’s oldest nephew, and the mayor’s oldest nephew’s little boy were all much interested, to say the least. But one took one view, and another took another view, and they ran around the table, some this way, shouting, “East!” and some the opposite way, shouting, “West!” to show how, in their opinion, the sun really moved. It only ended 39in their all getting very giddy and banging their heads together, a thing which hurt and did not improve their tempers or help to solve the difficulty.
Meanwhile Alexander Jones sat quiet in a corner and said nothing.
They all agreed in one thing, which was that the question was of too deep importance to be left unsettled. So the mayor called a meeting of the whole populace in the town hall. The people assembled, and Alexander Jones was there among the rest, and the only persons not there were Peter the watchman and his sister Jessica. Then the mayor told all about the dispute, and everyone was naturally much interested. But one took one view, and another took another view, and they all wanted to run around a table to show how each thought the sun moved. Here, however, a difficulty arose, for, alas! there was no table in the town hall to run around, and what were they to do? They were not going to be balked by a trifle like that, not they. So they requested the mayor to stand in the middle, and let them all run around him, each in the direction he or she pleased.
But the mayor objected strongly. He said it would make him dizzy to see some folks going one 40way around him, and some the other. “I would certainly be sick,” he declared. “Therefore, I suggest that Alexander Jones be placed in the middle. Yes, why could we not run around him? Better make use of him, he is so stupid and says nothing. Besides, I want to run around with the rest of you myself, and why should I be cut out?”
“No, no, no!” cried the people, “Alexander Jones is too small, and we should tread on him. He would not do at all.”
They insisted that the mayor must do as he had been asked. Hadn’t they only the other day given him a gold badge to wear, and he must make them some return for it, or they would take it away. So the poor man had to give in, but he insisted on having his eyes bandaged, and also on having a chair to sit in. Otherwise, he knew he would be sick. Then they bandaged his eyes, seated him in a chair, and began to run around him, some this way, crying, “East!” and some the opposite way, crying, “West!” But they only got very giddy, and banged each other’s heads, a thing which hurt and did not improve their tempers or help solve the difficulty. Worst of all, just at the end, when they could run no longer and were quite out of breath, Eliza MacFadden, the fat widow who kept the candy shop, fell plump against 41the mayor, and sent him and his chair tumbling to the floor.
Meanwhile Alexander Jones sat quiet in a corner and said nothing.
The mayor pulled the bandage off his eyes in a towering passion and declared that something must be settled there and then. He threatened, if they did not agree, he would put a tax on buttons, which was rather clever of him, for everyone, old and young, male and female, wore buttons, and would feel the tax. But he himself would be affected by it less than anyone else because he wore a robe, that instead of being buttoned was fastened by a buckle at his neck, and by a jeweled girdle around the waist.
Now the town clerk addressed the people, and said: “We must avoid this button tax at all hazards. Let us devise some way to solve for all time the terrible riddle which gives us so much concern. I propose that we call in from the street Peter the watchman, for he is up and about at all hours, late and early, and would know more than most about the sun’s movements. Yet, if we ask him, we must also ask Peter’s sister Jessica. She does the mayor’s washing and is a person of importance in the town. Peter would certainly decline to come into the hall unless she came with him.”
42This was, indeed, most provoking for me, because there was no room left in the town hall for another person, and two would have to go out, in order to admit Peter the watchman and his sister Jessica. I was the first to be put out, for I was a stranger and only present in the hall out of courtesy. Next they turned out Alexander Jones, because he was so stupid and said nothing. Thus it happened that I never knew what was the decision of the meeting. But perhaps you wonder why Alexander Jones was so dull as to sit still in a corner and say nothing. Yet how on earth could he do anything else? Alexander Jones was the town clerk’s
TOM-CAT.
Story DNA
Moral
Sometimes, the most sensible observer is the one who says nothing, and human arguments can become absurd when pride takes over.
Plot Summary
A town clerk and his wife engage in a heated, absurd argument about the direction of 'east' and 'west', escalating to dizzying physical demonstrations. Unable to resolve it, they involve the grocer's family, then the mayor's family, and finally the entire town in a chaotic, head-banging debate. The mayor, exasperated, threatens a universal tax, leading to a suggestion to bring in new 'experts'. To make room, the silent observer, Alexander Jones, is expelled, only for the narrator to reveal that Alexander Jones is, in fact, a tom-cat.
Themes
Emotional Arc
frustration to exasperation to absurd resolution
Writing Style
Narrative Elements
Cultural Context
The story reflects a common folk tale trope of escalating absurdity and the 'wise fool' or silent observer, often found in European oral traditions.
Plot Beats (10)
- The town clerk asks his wife, Jean, to move on the bench, sparking an argument about the existence and direction of 'east'.
- The clerk and Jean physically demonstrate their views on the sun's movement, running around a table, getting dizzy, and banging their heads.
- They take their unresolved dispute to the grocer's family, who join the argument and repeat the dizzying, head-banging demonstration.
- The entire group, including the silent Alexander Jones, then brings the dispute to the mayor's family, who also engage in the same chaotic demonstration.
- The mayor calls a town hall meeting to settle the matter, but without a table, they decide to run around the mayor himself.
- The mayor reluctantly agrees to be run around, blindfolded and seated, leading to more giddiness, head-banging, and the mayor being knocked over.
- Enraged, the mayor threatens a button tax if the dispute isn't resolved immediately.
- The town clerk suggests bringing in Peter the watchman and his sister Jessica, as Peter is knowledgeable about the sun's movements.
- To make room for Peter and Jessica in the crowded hall, the narrator and Alexander Jones are asked to leave.
- The story ends with the revelation that Alexander Jones is the town clerk's tom-cat, explaining his silence throughout the escalating absurdity.
Characters
Alexander Jones
A domestic tom-cat, likely of average size and build for a house cat, with a quiet and unobtrusive demeanor.
Attire: None, as he is a cat.
Wants: To exist peacefully and observe the human antics around him, perhaps seeking warmth and comfort in a corner.
Flaw: His inability to communicate verbally with humans, leading them to perceive him as 'stupid' and easily dismissed.
He remains unchanged throughout the story, serving as a constant, silent observer. His true nature as a cat is revealed only at the very end.
Quiet, observant, passive, patient, stoic.
The Town Clerk
A man of authority in the town, likely of average height and build, perhaps a bit portly from a sedentary lifestyle. He is prone to fits of temper and physical exertion when provoked.
Attire: A formal robe, fastened by a buckle at his neck and a jeweled girdle around the waist, indicating his position and wealth. This robe is notable for not requiring buttons, which he uses to his advantage in a threat.
Wants: To prove himself right in arguments, to maintain his authority, and to avoid personal inconvenience (like the button tax).
Flaw: His quick temper and stubbornness, which prevent him from finding a peaceful resolution to disputes.
He initiates the central conflict but fails to resolve it, instead escalating it through his stubbornness and anger. He remains unchanged in his argumentative nature.
Argumentative, stubborn, easily angered, authoritative (or attempts to be), somewhat self-serving.
Jean
The town clerk's wife, likely of average height and build, perhaps a bit stout. She is capable of physical exertion when provoked, running around tables with vigor.
Attire: Simple, practical clothing suitable for a housewife, likely a long dress or skirt and blouse, possibly with an apron, made of sturdy fabrics like linen or wool. No specific details are given, so a modest, functional European style is appropriate.
Wants: To assert her own point of view, to resist her husband's demands, and to prove herself right.
Flaw: Her stubbornness and quick temper, which escalate arguments rather than resolving them.
She initiates the central conflict with her husband and remains steadfast in her position, never changing her mind or compromising. She is a static character in her stubbornness.
Stubborn, easily irritated, argumentative, determined, spirited.
The Mayor
A man of significant authority and status in the town, likely well-fed and perhaps a bit portly, reflecting his comfortable position. He is prone to dizziness and sickness when subjected to chaotic movement.
Attire: A formal robe, similar to the Town Clerk's but perhaps more elaborate, fastened by a buckle at his neck and a jeweled girdle around the waist. He also wears a gold badge, signifying his office.
Wants: To maintain order and his position of authority, to avoid personal discomfort, and to find a resolution to the town's dispute.
Flaw: His susceptibility to dizziness and physical discomfort, and his eventual loss of control over the populace.
He attempts to mediate the dispute but ultimately becomes a victim of the town's collective giddiness, ending up on the floor. He becomes increasingly frustrated but remains in his position of power.
Authoritative, self-important, easily made dizzy, prone to anger when provoked, somewhat manipulative (threatening the tax).
Locations
Town Clerk's Cottage Living Room
A cozy, somewhat cramped living space within a traditional German half-timbered Fachwerk house, featuring a high-backed wooden bench positioned before a crackling fire. The room is likely dimly lit by the firelight and perhaps a single candle, with sturdy, simple wooden furniture. The air would be warm from the hearth, contrasting with the chilly autumn evening outside.
Mood: Initially cozy and domestic, quickly becoming tense and argumentative, then chaotic and dizzying.
The initial argument between the town clerk and his wife about 'east' and 'west' escalates into a physical and dizzying chase around the table, setting the central conflict of the story.
Grocer's House Living Room
A larger, more bustling living room than the clerk's, still within a traditional German house, likely with more furniture and a slightly more prosperous feel. It features a central table around which multiple family members run in their attempt to demonstrate the sun's movement. The room would be filled with the sounds of many voices and frantic movement.
Mood: Initially curious and interested, quickly devolving into chaotic, giddy, and painful.
The dispute expands to include the grocer's family, who also engage in the dizzying demonstration, reinforcing the futility of their method.
Mayor's House Living Room
The largest house in town, facing the market-place, suggesting a more imposing and perhaps slightly more ornate German architectural style. The living room would be grander, with a larger table and more space, accommodating an even larger gathering of the mayor's family and the initial disputants. The atmosphere would be one of civic importance, quickly turning to disarray.
Mood: Initially formal and important, quickly becoming chaotic, giddy, and painful as the 'demonstration' is repeated.
The dispute escalates further, involving the most prominent family in town, yet the same chaotic outcome occurs, highlighting the widespread nature of the problem.
Town Hall Assembly Room
A large, open public space designed for gatherings, likely with high ceilings and sturdy construction, typical of a municipal building in a German town. It lacks a central table, which becomes a key plot point. The room is filled with the entire populace, creating a crowded and boisterous environment.
Mood: Initially expectant and engaged, becoming increasingly chaotic, loud, and ultimately painful and frustrating. The climax of the physical comedy.
The entire town attempts the 'demonstration', leading to mass giddiness, collisions, and the mayor being knocked over, prompting his drastic tax threat and the call for Peter the watchman.