THE LOST GROCER
by W. Heath Robinson · from Bill the Minder
Adapted Version
Once upon a time, in a little town, there lived two best friends. One was the policeman. He had a kind smile. The other was the friendly shopkeeper. He sold tea and sweets in his shop. They lived in a happy little town. The policeman was very nice. The shopkeeper was very kind. They saw each other every day. They talked and laughed a lot. They shared many happy times. They were the best of friends. The policeman often visited the shop.
One sunny day, the policeman walked to the shop. He wanted to see his friend. But the shop was very quiet. The kind shopkeeper was not there. The policeman looked around. He called his friend's name. No one answered him at all. The shop felt empty. The policeman felt a little sad. He wondered where his dear friend was.
The policeman told other people. Everyone helped to look. They looked in the town. They looked near the river. They looked and looked. But they could not find the shopkeeper. He was gone. His little shop stayed open. Little birds flew inside. They made nests in the shelves. They ate tiny sweet crumbs. It was very quiet there.
A long, long time went by. The shopkeeper did not come back. The policeman missed his friend very much. He still went to the shop. He talked to the little birds. The birds sang sweet songs. He wished his friend would return. He thought about him every day.
One bright day, a man walked into town. He looked tired. He walked very slowly. His clothes were old. He walked right to the shop. The policeman saw him. Who was this man? The policeman watched him closely. He wondered why the man went there.
The man went inside the shop. He picked up a clean apron. He put it on his clothes. He started to clean the counter. The policeman looked and looked. His eyes grew very wide. It was his friend! It was the kind shopkeeper! The policeman ran to him. They gave a big, happy hug. Oh, he was so happy! His friend was home. And do you know what happened next?
The shopkeeper sat down. He drank some warm tea. He told his story. A tricky old man came to his shop. The man took a magic box. He ran away with it. The shopkeeper ran after him. He wanted his magic box back.
The shopkeeper ran and ran. The old man ran very fast. They ran past the blue river. They ran up a big green hill. They ran to tall, old stones. The stones stood in a big circle.
The tricky old man was a magic wizard! He had many magic friends. They were strange magic people. They made the shopkeeper stay there. He had to stay by the big stones. Every night they danced. They danced around him and sang. They sang funny, quiet songs. He could not go home. He was stuck there for a very long time.
One night, the shopkeeper thought. He thought of his friend. He thought of his little shop. He thought of the singing birds. He missed his home very much. He missed it so, so much. He felt very brave then. He wanted to go home now.
He grabbed the magic box. He opened it fast. ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO! The magic wizard sneezed. He sneezed and sneezed and sneezed! All the magic people sneezed too. POOF! They all disappeared in a puff. The magic was broken. The shopkeeper was free.
The shopkeeper was free! He walked and walked. He walked a very long way. He walked all the way back home.
Everyone in town was so happy. They cheered and smiled. The policeman gave his friend another big hug. The little birds sang sweet songs in the shop. Everyone was together again. It was a very happy day. The end.
Original Story
THE LOST GROCER
For many and many a weary mile the persevering little band had now trudged on without meeting with any adventure worth relating, and every one was longing for the end of their travels, when one lovely evening they came across a good-natured-looking policeman, fast asleep on a stile by the roadside. The tramp, tramp of the army awakened him, and with a gentle smile he got off his perch and walked alongside the King. Charmed with his easy manner, the King jokingly asked him of what he had been dreaming that he smiled so pleasantly. 'Oh, of old times and old friends,' the policeman replied, and then as he walked along he thus related the strangest of experiences:—
'Many years ago it was my happy lot to be the principal policeman of the pleasant little town of Troutpeg, situated, as you know, on the banks of the river Peg, just where it flows into the estuary of the Drip, that here broadens into that well-known land-locked harbour of the same name, and thus finally finds its way to the sea. Nestling amongst its stone-capped hills, the happy place seemed designed by a kind nature as a retreat for all who were blithe and amiable, and such indeed it proved to be, for no more kindly and genial souls than the Troutpegsters could be found. Their simplicity was delightful, though perhaps such as to incline them all the more readily to believe in the wild legends of the country-side. Many were the strange stories told by the shepherds, who tended their flocks on the hills at night, of wild rites, and uncouth dances performed by ghostly beings, in the light of the moon, amidst the ancient circles of Druid stones. Little else, however, was there to disturb the peaceful thoughts of the Troutpegsters.
'The prosperity of the township was so great, and the comfort of each of its inhabitants so well assured that for many years no wickedness of any kind had shown its head, and the life of a policeman in this happy and secluded town was one long summer holiday. To be sure, a little skirmish here and there amongst the lads might make it wise gently to exert my authority, or a little quarrel amongst the girls call forth a slight rebuke, but otherwise my life was one of unbroken peace.
'My dearest friend was the tea-grocer, a man of sad and dreamy ways and quite devoid of guile, who returned my affection with all the ardour of a singularly loving nature. He shared his every joy with me, and when his holidays came round no greater recreation could he find than in my society. Walking by my side as I strolled along my beat, he would confide to me his simple hopes and fears, and in his troubles seek my readily extended sympathy. Such simplicity and inoffensive mien had he as brought to him a rich harvest of respect and love, together with the custom of his fellow-townsmen.
'In time his little store became quite an evening resort for those older townsmen who, no longer able to race about the green when work was done, would perhaps look in to purchase half a pound of coffee or tea, or sugar or salt for the good wife, and stay chatting with the amiable grocer. Then maybe one would look in to buy an ounce of tobacco, or the excellent snuff for which the grocer was far famed, and so on and so on until the shop was full. Seated around on the tea-chests, coffee bins, tobacco boxes and snuff tins, many a pleasant evening have we spent, enlivened by good-natured arguments and discussions on every conceivable subject.
'One sultry summer's afternoon, as I was standing thinking in the cobbled high-street, the quiet of the still warm day disturbed only by the gentle breathing of the shopmen as they dozed amongst their wares, or the distant bleating of the sheep as they browsed in and out the rocks and Druid stones capping the surrounding hills, the comforting remembrance came to me of many a refreshing cup of tea partaken with the grocer in the snug little parlour behind his shop. With hardly a thought of what I was about, I allowed my idle steps gently to stray towards the homely store of my friend. Entering therein, and finding that he was away from home, I sat me down upon the little chair, so thoughtfully provided for weary customers, and with my head supported by the counter, resumed my broken train of thought until, completely overcome by a sense of drowsy comfort, I feel asleep.
'I was suddenly awakened by the church clock striking eight, and found that all the town was wrapped in slumber and that the grocer had not yet returned. Wondering what on earth could keep him away so late, and hoping that no harm had overtaken him, I stiffly arose from my seat, stretched myself, and betook me to my home and bed.
'On the following morning my first thought was for my friend, and on learning that he had not returned during the night, I called in turn on each of his neighbours,—the doctor, the vicar, the solicitor, the postman, and the corn-chandler, and many another equally interested in his movements. Not one, however, had seen him since the previous day, and all showed the liveliest concern and anxiety at his mysterious absence.
'Night followed day, and day again followed night, with no sign of the vanished grocer. Weeks now passed by, and grief took possession of the little town at the loss of one who was missed at every turn. Hoping that even yet he might return, we kept his shop still open for him, and the little birds, encouraged by the silence, flew in and out and nested in the scales and amongst the stores, glutting their fluffy little bodies with the sugar-plums, the currants, the herbs and spices that everywhere abounded. And even the swallows, so much entertainment did they find therein, forgot, as the summer drew to its close, to fly away, preferring much to sleep the winter through in comfort.
'But alas! months, and years and years and years rolled by, and the grocer never returned, and in time little enough thought was given to one who had, at one time, been held in such esteem by all. But we, the older Troutpegsters, still thought at times of our vanished friend, and many were the theories we suggested to account for his disappearance.
'One held that he had been beguiled by gypsies, another that he had been stolen to be exhibited as a rare model of virtue in some distant clime, while others believed that the fairies, envious of our happiness in possessing such a friend, had taken him from our midst; but all agreed that we should have guarded our treasure with greater care.
'One never-to-be-forgotten evening the doctor, the solicitor, the vicar, the corn-chandler, and myself (some of us already stricken in years) were seated, as was now our evening custom, upon the rustic bridge that carries the road across the river Peg. The fragrant smoke of our long pipes rising to the evening sky, our conversation, as was now so frequently the case, had drifted from politics, sport, fashions and the latest police intelligence to lovingly-recalled memories of our long-lost friend, and so sad did we become that lumps as large as egg plums rose to our throats, and our eyes brimmed over with tears.
AFFECTED BY HIS STORY
'Drying our eyes we now smoked on in silent contemplation of the past; the night gradually drew down, and the first star appeared in the cloudless sky when there came to us the sound of a distant footstep, coming along the road towards the town, and presently a strange figure hove in sight,—an old, old man, with long tangled grey hair and shaggy beard, clothed in the most pitiable rags, torn, and held together with straw and odd pieces of string. He passed slowly across the bridge, leaning heavily on his staff, and limped with difficulty towards the town, into which with one accord we followed him.
PLUMP INTO THE RIVER WE WENT
'Down the cobbled high street he walked until he came to the shop of the vanished grocer into which he turned without any hesitation. Wondering what business could take him there, we all hastened to the door of the shop, and there, with the utmost astonishment, beheld the stranger remove his threadbare coat, and replace it with the grocer's moth-eaten apron that had hung for so long from a peg on the door; then he commenced dusting the shop and putting it straight. As I gazed, my astonishment gave place to the most incredulous amazement when I detected in the old man a fancied likeness to the departed grocer. At last, after closer scrutiny, I was convinced that it was indeed no other than my friend actually returned after all these years, and as he at the same time more easily recognised me, we fell into each other's arms, and who shall describe the extravagance of our joy?
'In a little while, when we had calmed down, we all retired to the little parlour behind the shop, and our good friend brewed us a cup of tea as of old, and after a little gentle persuasion related to us the following strange story of his disappearance:—
'"On that memorable summer afternoon, many years ago, as I was weighing out the sugar into pound and half-pound packets (which, as you may remember, was my rule at that time of day to prepare for the evening trade), a strange old gentleman, clothed in the deepest black from cap to slippers, yet withal possessed of the most snowy ringlets and beard, entered my shop and begged of me some food for his family, assuring me that they were all slowly dying of starvation.
'"Affected by his story, I was making up for him a parcel containing lentils, raisins, dates, figs, sugar, and other goods which I thought might be acceptable, when, to my astonishment, the ungrateful old rascal snatched up a large tin of the finest snuff, which you will remember I used to sell in great quantities, and bolted with it out of the shop.
'"Without a moment's hesitation I divested myself of my apron, and donning my coat, followed him at the greatest speed. Away he ran down the high street towards the bridge, which he very soon crossed, and now along the river bends he sped, with me close at his heels. For miles we ran, even as far as the source of the river Peg, which we doubled and came tearing down the other side. I now perceived that, in spite of his age, he ran almost quicker than I did. Presently into the river he plunged, I following close, and then he retraced his steps towards its source. Once more plump into the river we went, and as I scrambled up the opposite bank I noticed to my dismay that, while I grew more tired and out of breath as we ran, he became brisker and fresher. Discarding his hat, cloak, and slippers, though still holding on to the snuff tin, he now appeared in robes of dazzling white, which, with his hair and long white beard, flowed behind him as he ran, and gradually increased the distance between us.
Followed him at the greatest speed
'"Soon I could perceive that he was making for the hill above the town which, with no difficulty at all, he mounted long before I had reached its foot, and when at last I struggled to the top the old rogue was seated upon one of the Druid stones that here in one great circle crown the hill, smiling, and hugging to himself the while the tin of snuff. On seeing me again, he soon jumped down, and I dodged him in and out of the stones for at least three hours by the church clock, and then weary and utterly dejected I sat me down on a stone in the centre of the ring and wept bitterly. Directly beneath me I could see, through my tears, the lights of our little town shine out here and there from the gathering darkness, while over the hills, away to my left, the edge of the full red moon began to show. As higher and higher it climbed the sky, one by one there leapt from the earth beneath each stone an aged Druid all clothed in white, with long waving grey locks and beard, and crowned with garlands of oak leaves, holly, laurels, and mistletoe. When the circle of Druids was quite complete the old rascal who had lured me from my shop, and who now appeared to be their chief, stepped towards me, now far too bewildered and astounded to resist, and solemnly placed upon my brow a wreath of wild violets. Then separately, each of the Druids came forward with some offering which he placed before me, afterwards returning to his place in the circle, so that presently there grew upon the grass in front of me a great mound of vegetables, fruit, flowers, haunches of venison, fowls, hares, rabbits, and young lambs. At length, every Druid having made his offering, their chief handed round the tin of snuff from which each old fellow took a large pinch, and then, linking hands, they danced wildly round me.
THERE GREW IN FRONT OF ME A GREAT MOUND
'"In utter silence, by the light of the moon, now high in the sky, these solemn rites were performed, and still without a sound they whirled quicker and quicker around me, their feet hardly seeming to touch the ground, and their long loose garments streaming after them as they flew.
'"Presently the distant chime of the church clock striking twelve reached me from the town below and I gradually fell into a trance, as one by one the old Druids sank into the earth beneath the stones.
'"Every day since then until to-day have I passed in complete oblivion, and every night have I awakened to find myself seated on the stone in the centre of the ring of Druids, with all the power of resistance taken from me, compelled to be the object of their weird rites.
SNEEZING AND SNEEZING
'"Last night, however, just as the church clock began to strike twelve, such a rush of memories flooded my brain, and such a longing to see my old home and friends took possession of me, that a terrible rage at the cruel tyranny of the Druids had gathered in my bosom before the clock had finished striking the hour. When it was about to strike the last beat, I arose from my seat in the centre of the circle and approaching the wicked old chief, I snatched the snuff tin from his hands and clapped it, snuff and all, right down over his eyes. Strange to say the contents of the tin had not diminished by so much as a single pinch, and such a fit of sneezing seized the old scoundrel that he rolled on the grass in the greatest distress, quite unable to put the usual spell upon me. All the other Druids, with abject terror expressed on their faces, sank at once into the ground. The form of the head Druid, sneezing and sneezing and sneezing, gradually faded away before my eyes, and long after he had completely disappeared the sneezing could still be heard. Eventually this died away, and pulling my clothes together as best I could (for by now they were all in rags), I made the best of my way home."
'Having finished his story the grocer now became very thoughtful, and we all sat round his little room smoking in silence until far into the night, wondering at the strange events he had related. Next day, and for a whole week, great festivities were held to celebrate his return, and the Mayor very willingly resigned his office in favour of one who was held in such esteem. Innumerable presentations were made to him and addresses read to him, yet, in spite of all the honours he received, never did he forget his old friends. Nor was he too proud to serve in his little shop, now enlivened by the songs of the birds he had not the heart to turn away. He spent the remainder of his useful life in the performance of kind deeds and in well-deserved happiness.'
Story DNA
Moral
True friendship and the comforts of home can overcome even the strangest enchantments.
Plot Summary
A King's army encounters a policeman who recounts the strange disappearance and return of his best friend, the grocer of Troutpeg. The grocer vanished years ago after chasing a snuff-stealing old man who led him to a circle of Druid stones. There, the old man revealed himself as a Druid chief, compelling the grocer to participate in nightly magical rites for years. Eventually, the grocer, driven by longing for home, broke the spell by using the snuff tin against the chief, causing all the Druids to vanish. He returned home to a joyous welcome, resuming his life as a beloved member of the community.
Themes
Emotional Arc
longing to joy
Writing Style
Narrative Elements
Cultural Context
Reflects a romanticized view of rural English life, where community ties are strong and ancient pagan beliefs linger as folk tales.
Plot Beats (14)
- A King's army on a journey encounters a sleeping policeman who, when awakened, shares a story.
- The policeman begins his tale, describing the peaceful town of Troutpeg and his close friendship with the amiable grocer.
- One afternoon, the policeman falls asleep in the grocer's shop and wakes to find the grocer has not returned.
- The town searches for the grocer, but he has vanished without a trace, and his shop remains open, taken over by birds.
- Years pass, and the grocer is largely forgotten, though his older friends still mourn his loss.
- One evening, the policeman and his friends see an old, ragged stranger limp into town and enter the grocer's shop.
- The stranger dons the grocer's apron and begins to clean, revealing himself to be the long-lost grocer, to the immense joy of his friends.
- The grocer, after a cup of tea, recounts his story: he chased an old man who stole snuff.
- The chase led him far from town, across a river, and up a hill to a circle of Druid stones.
- The old man transformed into a Druid chief, and the grocer was forced to participate in their nightly rites for years, receiving offerings and being danced around.
- One night, a rush of memories and longing for home gave the grocer the rage to snatch the snuff tin from the chief.
- He clapped the snuff tin over the chief's eyes, causing an endless fit of sneezing, which broke the spell and made all the Druids vanish.
- The grocer, now in rags, made his way home.
- The town celebrates the grocer's return, and he lives a happy, honored life, never forgetting his friends or his bird-filled shop.
Characters
The Policeman ★ protagonist
A good-natured-looking man of average height and build, with a comfortable, perhaps slightly portly, physique befitting a peaceful life. His movements are easy and unhurried.
Attire: Initially, a standard British policeman's uniform of the era: a dark blue or black tunic with brass buttons, dark trousers, and a tall, stiff helmet (custodian helmet). Later, after his ordeal, his clothes are described as being 'all in rags', suggesting they were once his uniform.
Wants: To maintain peace and order in Troutpeg, to enjoy the companionship of his friends, and later, to escape the Druids' tyranny and return to his normal life.
Flaw: His trusting nature and perhaps a certain naivete make him susceptible to the Druids' magic. He is also physically less enduring than the magically enhanced Grocer.
He begins as a contented, somewhat complacent policeman. He then becomes an unwilling captive of the Druids, experiencing years of magical torment. He eventually finds the courage and ingenuity to break free, returning as a celebrated hero who becomes Mayor and lives a life of continued kindness and happiness.
Good-natured, amiable, observant, loyal, empathetic, and initially quite naive. He is dedicated to his friends and community, and later shows courage and determination in escaping his magical predicament.
Image Prompt & Upload
A good-natured adult male, of comfortable build, standing upright, facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. He has a pleasant, amiable face with a gentle smile and kind eyes. He wears a dark blue British policeman's tunic with brass buttons, dark trousers, and a tall, stiff custodian helmet. His posture is relaxed and confident. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
The Tea-Grocer ◆ supporting
Initially, a man of sad and dreamy ways, likely of average build. After his transformation, he appears as an old rogue, agile and quick despite his age, eventually appearing in robes of dazzling white with a long white beard.
Attire: Initially, likely simple, practical clothing suitable for a grocer in a small English town of the late 19th/early 20th century, perhaps an apron over a shirt and trousers. Later, he sheds his hat, cloak, and slippers to reveal 'robes of dazzling white', indicating his transformation into a Druid.
Wants: Initially, to enjoy friendship and simple pleasures. Later, as the Chief Druid, his motivation seems to be to perpetuate the ancient rites and perhaps to torment the policeman for his own amusement.
Flaw: As the Chief Druid, his weakness is his love for snuff, which the policeman exploits to break his spell.
He transforms from a gentle, guileless grocer into the mischievous and tyrannical Chief Druid, luring the policeman into his magical trap. He is eventually defeated by the policeman's ingenuity and returns to his original form, though his ultimate fate after the policeman's escape is not explicitly stated, only that the policeman returns to his old friends.
Initially sad, dreamy, guileless, loving, simple, and inoffensive. After his transformation, he becomes mischievous, cunning, and tyrannical as the Chief Druid, enjoying his power over the policeman.
Image Prompt & Upload
An elderly male with a mischievous smile, long flowing white hair and a very long white beard that reaches his waist. He wears dazzling white robes that stream behind him. He clutches a large, ornate tin of snuff to his chest. He is agile and quick, with a slight bend in his knees as if about to run. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
The King ○ minor
Not explicitly described, but implied to be a leader of a 'little band' on a journey. He is likely of a dignified but approachable stature.
Attire: Not described, but would be appropriate for a king leading a small expedition, perhaps practical but with some indication of royalty.
Wants: Leading his 'little band' on their travels, and seeking entertainment or interesting stories.
Flaw: Not applicable; he is a framing device.
He serves as a listener for the policeman's story and does not have a personal arc within the narrative.
Charming, good-humored, and inquisitive, as shown by his joking question to the policeman.
Image Prompt & Upload
An adult male, with a dignified but approachable expression. He wears simple but well-made royal attire, perhaps a tunic of deep blue with subtle gold embroidery and a plain golden circlet on his head. He stands with a posture of attentive listening. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
The Druids ⚔ antagonist
Aged figures, appearing one by one from beneath the stones. They have long waving grey locks and beards, suggesting an ancient and mystical appearance.
Attire: All clothed in white, suggesting purity or mystical significance. They are crowned with garlands of oak leaves, holly, laurels, and mistletoe.
Wants: To perform their 'weird rites' and maintain their magical influence, particularly over the captured policeman.
Flaw: Their collective power is dependent on their chief, and they are easily dispersed when he is incapacitated.
They are introduced as mysterious, ancient figures who torment the policeman. They are ultimately defeated and dispersed when their chief is overcome.
Solemn, mystical, tyrannical (as a collective under their chief), and easily terrified when their magic is disrupted.
Image Prompt & Upload
A group of elderly males, all with long waving grey hair and long grey beards. They are clothed in flowing white robes and crowned with garlands of oak leaves, holly, laurels, and mistletoe. They are depicted in a dynamic pose, dancing wildly with linked hands, their feet barely touching the ground. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
Locations
Troutpeg High Street
A cobbled high-street in the pleasant little town of Troutpeg, situated on the banks of the river Peg. It is a quiet, warm place, with shopmen dozing amongst their wares and the distant bleating of sheep from the surrounding hills.
Mood: Peaceful, sleepy, idyllic, slightly melancholic
The policeman begins his idle stroll towards the grocer's shop, leading to the grocer's disappearance.
Image Prompt & Upload
A narrow, winding cobbled high street in a quaint English village, lined with half-timbered and stone-built shops with small paned windows. The afternoon sun casts long shadows, illuminating the texture of the worn cobblestones and the gentle sway of a few hanging baskets. In the distance, rolling green hills rise, capped with ancient, weathered grey stones. no border, no frame, no watermark, no text, no signature, edge-to-edge illustration.
The Grocer's Shop Interior
A cozy, well-stocked tea-grocer's shop, which also serves as an evening resort for older townsmen. It contains tea-chests, coffee bins, tobacco boxes, and snuff tins. After the grocer's disappearance, birds nest in the scales and among the stores, glutting themselves on sugar-plums, currants, herbs, and spices.
Mood: Warm, communal, later melancholic, then wild and natural
The policeman falls asleep here, leading to the grocer's disappearance. Later, the shop remains open, becoming a haven for birds.
Image Prompt & Upload
An interior view of a cluttered, charming old English grocer's shop. Wooden shelves are packed with jars, tins, and sacks of tea, coffee, and spices. A large wooden counter dominates the foreground, with antique brass scales where small birds have built nests. Sunlight streams through a small window, illuminating dust motes and the rich textures of the various goods. no border, no frame, no watermark, no text, no signature, edge-to-edge illustration.
Druid Stone Circle on the Hill
A hill above Troutpeg, crowned by a great circle of ancient, weathered Druid stones. The ground is grassy within the circle. The full red moon rises over the hills to the left, casting light on the solemn rites performed here.
Mood: Eerie, ancient, mystical, bewildering, terrifying
The policeman is lured here by the grocer (now the chief Druid) and is compelled to witness and be the object of their weird rites for years.
Image Prompt & Upload
A dramatic landscape of a hilltop at night, crowned by a large, ancient stone circle. Massive, rough-hewn grey standing stones are arranged in a perfect ring on a grassy, slightly uneven mound. A huge, full red moon hangs low in the dark sky, casting long, deep shadows and a reddish glow over the scene. In the far distance, faint pinpricks of light from a small town are visible. no border, no frame, no watermark, no text, no signature, edge-to-edge illustration.