THE COCKATOUCAN
by E. Nesbit · from Nine Unlikely Tales
Adapted Version
Tilly was a little girl. She was not happy. Her dress was new. It was not soft. It was scratchy. It felt bad on her skin. The dress was blue. It had stiff lace. Tilly did not like it. She had to visit her Aunt Willo. Aunt Willo was very strict. Tilly did not like this. Her ears were red. Her cheeks were red too. Pridmore washed her very hard. The new dress felt bad. It hurt her arms. It hurt her neck. Tilly did not want to go. She knew Aunt Willo would ask many questions. Aunt Willo always asked hard questions. Tilly felt very sad. She swung her legs. She wished she could stay home. She wished for a soft dress. She did not want to see Aunt Willo. Not today.
Pridmore came down. She wore her coat. "Come, Tilly," she said. They walked to the bus stop. The sun was warm. A bus came. It was green and gold. The bus looked very pretty. It shone in the sun. Pridmore got on the bus. Tilly got on too. Pridmore did not look at the bus. She read her book. The bus went fast. It did not go on dusty streets. It went on a green lane. Flowers grew by the road. Red flowers and yellow flowers. Green trees were above. Tilly saw this. She sat very still. This was a magic bus. Pridmore made a mistake. But it was a good mistake. Tilly felt a little happy. This ride was new. This ride was fun.
The bus stopped. Tilly and Pridmore got off. They saw a small village. The village was bright. The shops were funny. One shop sold stars. The stars twinkled. Other shops sold dreams. Good dreams and happy dreams. Children played outside. They ran and laughed. They did not wear stiff clothes. They played in the sun. They looked very happy. Tilly smiled a little. She liked this place. It was not like her home. It was not like Aunt Willo's house. This place was new and fun. It felt free. Tilly wanted to play too.
A kind man came. He wore a green coat. He had a big smile. "Come to the Palace," he said. Tilly and Pridmore went with him. The Palace was big. It was very grand. It had tall towers. The towers reached high. But the King was not a man. He was a big house. He was a nice house. The Princess lived there. She was very thin. She looked very cross. She did not smile. She was not happy. Tilly felt a little sad for her. The Princess looked lonely. She did not play. She sat alone.
Tilly talked to the Princess. The Princess was not happy. She was thin because she had no pudding. She loved pudding very much. She missed her pudding. A Magic Bird lived in the Palace. The Magic Bird had big wings. It had a big beak. It laughed at times. When it laughed, things changed. The King changed into a house. Many people changed too. The laundry became a nurse. A dog became a cat. The Princess was sad about this. The Magic Bird's laugh made trouble. It made her sad. She missed her pudding. She missed her old life.
Tilly had an idea. "Princess," she said. "You must eat pudding." The Princess looked surprised. Tilly asked for pudding each day. The cooks made much pudding. They made chocolate pudding. They made berry pudding. The Princess ate and ate. She ate a lot. She got fatter. She got kinder too. She began to smile. She was happy now. Her cheeks were pink. The Magic Bird did not laugh. It was quiet for a long time. It did not like happy people. It did not like the Princess to smile. It stayed still. It watched them.
Tilly learned a secret. The Magic Bird made things change. But there was a way to fix it. "He must laugh funny," the Princess said. "He must laugh a wrong way." This was hard. It was the only way. This special laugh could make things right. All the magic would go away. Tilly thought hard. She was a very smart girl. She knew they could do it. They had to try.
Tilly and the Princess made a plan. They found a big red thing. It was a special box. It moved by itself. It had wheels. Four men wheeled it. They put it in the garden. The Magic Bird looked at it. He danced on his perch. He was very angry. He did not like the red box. He flapped his wings. He squawked loudly. He did not want it there. He wanted it gone.
The Princess opened the cage door. She crept behind the Magic Bird. She tickled him. She tickled him under his wings. The Magic Bird looked at the red box. "If I laugh," he said, "box changes." He thought bad. He thought the box would change into something worse. He laughed a big laugh. The red box changed. It changed into Pridmore! Pridmore was very angry. Her cheeks were red. Her eyes shone like glass. She looked very cross. She stomped her foot. She did not like this at all. Not one bit.
"Bad bird!" Pridmore said. She jumped into the cage. She shook the Magic Bird. She shook him very hard. The Magic Bird made a sound. He did not like being shaken. He laughed in a strange way. He laughed a wrong way. All the magic went away. The King was a man again. The laundry became a nurse. All people were normal. Tilly's smart ideas worked. All people were happy. The world was right again. It was good.
The Magic Bird changed too. He split into two parts. One part was a normal bird. It was a toucan. You can see them at the zoo. It had a big beak. The other part was a wind toy. It showed the wind. The Magic Bird could not do magic now. He could not laugh and change things. He was just two normal things. No more magic for him. His power was gone.
The King was very happy. He sent his Army. The Army wore new clothes. They took Tilly and Pridmore home. They walked a long way. The sun went down. Tilly was very tired. She was sleepy. The soldiers got sleepy too. They were gone one by one. Only one soldier was left. He was the policeman on the street. He smiled at Tilly. It was a long walk home. A very long walk.
Tilly talked to Pridmore. "We went to a magic land!" she said. "The King was a house!" Pridmore shook her head. "No, no!" she said. "That is nonsense." Pridmore did not want to remember. Tilly understood. She kept her secret. It was a good secret. Tilly smiled. She had a big secret. It was a magic secret. She knew the world was full of wonder, even if grown-ups did not always see it. And that was a very good secret to keep. She would always remember.
Original Story
THE COCKATOUCAN
OR GREAT AUNT WILLOUGHBY
NINE UNLIKELY TALES
THE COCKATOUCAN
OR GREAT AUNT WILLOUGHBY
MATILDA’S ears were red and shiny. So were her cheeks. Her hands were red too. This was because Pridmore had washed her. It was not the usual washing, which makes you clean and comfortable, but the “thorough good wash,” which makes you burn and smart till you wish you could be like the poor little savages who do not know anything, and run about bare in the sun, and only go into the water when they are hot.
Matilda wished she could have been born in a savage tribe instead of at Brixton.
“Little savages,” she said, “don’t have their ears washed thoroughly, and they don’t have new dresses that are prickly in the insides round their arms, and cut them round the neck. Do they, Pridmore?”
But Pridmore only said, “Stuff and nonsense,” and then she said, “don’t wriggle so, child, for goodness’ sake.”
Pridmore was Matilda’s nursemaid. Matilda sometimes found her trying. Matilda was quite right in believing that savage children do not wear frocks that hurt. It is also true that savage children are not over-washed, over-brushed, over-combed, gloved, booted, and hatted and taken in an omnibus to Streatham to see their Great-aunt Willoughby. This was intended to be Matilda’s fate. Her mother had arranged it. Pridmore had prepared her for it. Matilda, knowing resistance to be vain, had submitted to it.
But Destiny had not been consulted, and Destiny had plans of its own for Matilda.
When the last button of Matilda’s boots had been fastened (the button-hook always had a nasty temper, especially when it was hurried, and that day it bit a little piece of Matilda’s leg quite spitefully) the wretched child was taken downstairs and put on a chair in the hall to wait while Pridmore popped her own things on.
“I shan’t be a minute,” said Pridmore. Matilda knew better. She seated herself to wait, and swung her legs miserably. She had been to her Great-aunt Willoughby’s before, and she knew exactly what to expect. She would be asked about her lessons, and how many marks she had, and whether she had been a good girl. I can’t think why grown-up people don’t see how impertinent these questions are. Suppose you were to answer, “I’m top of my class, Auntie, thank you, and I’m very good. And now let’s have a little talk about you. Aunt, dear, how much money have you got, and have you been scolding the servants again, or have you tried to be good and patient as a properly brought up aunt should be, eh, dear?”
MATILDA SWUNG HER LEGS MISERABLY.
Try this method with one of your aunts next time she begins asking you questions, and write and tell me what she says.
Matilda knew exactly what the Aunt Willoughby’s questions would be, and she knew how, when they were answered, her aunt would give her a small biscuit with carraway seeds in it, and then tell her to go with Pridmore and have her hands and face washed again.
Then she would be sent to walk in the garden—the garden had a gritty path, and geraniums and calceolarias and lobelias in the beds. You might not pick anything. There would be minced veal at dinner, with three-cornered bits of toast round the dish, and a tapioca pudding. Then the long afternoon with a book, a bound volume of the “Potterer’s Saturday Night”—nasty small print—and all the stories about children who died young because they were too good for this world.
Matilda wriggled wretchedly. If she had been a little less uncomfortable she would have cried, but her new frock was too tight and prickly to let her forget it for a moment, even in tears.
When Pridmore came down at last, she said, “Fie, for shame! What a sulky face!”
And Matilda said, “I’m not.”
“Oh, yes you are,” said Pridmore, “you know you are, you don’t appreciate your blessings.”
“I wish it was your Aunt Willoughby,” said Matilda.
“Nasty, spiteful little thing!” said Pridmore, and she shook Matilda.
Then Matilda tried to slap Pridmore, and the two went down the steps not at all pleased with each other. They went down the dull road to the dull omnibus, and Matilda was crying a little.
Now Pridmore was a very careful person, though cross, but even the most careful persons make mistakes sometimes—and she must have taken the wrong omnibus, or this story could never have happened, and where should we all have been then? This shows you that even mistakes are sometimes valuable, so do not be hard on grown-up people if they are wrong sometimes. You know after all, it hardly ever happens.
It was a very bright green and gold omnibus, and inside the cushions were green and very soft. Matilda and her nursemaid had it all to themselves, and Matilda began to feel more comfortable, especially as she had wriggled till she had burst one of her shoulder-seams and got more room for herself inside her frock.
So she said, “I’m sorry I was cross, Priddy dear.”
Pridmore said, “So you ought to be.” But she never said she was sorry for being cross. But you must not expect grown-up people to say that.
It was certainly the wrong omnibus because instead of jolting slowly along dusty streets, it went quickly and smoothly down a green lane, with flowers in the hedges, and green trees overhead. Matilda was so delighted that she sat quite still, a very rare thing with her. Pridmore was reading a penny story called “The Vengeance of the Lady Constantia,” so she did not notice anything.
“I don’t care. I shan’t tell her,” said Matilda, “she’d stop the ’bus as likely as not.”
At last the ’bus stopped of its own accord. Pridmore put her story in her pocket and began to get out.
“Well, I never!” she said, and got out very quickly and ran round to where the horses were. They were white horses with green harness, and their tails were very long indeed.
“Hi, young man!” said Pridmore to the omnibus driver, “you’ve brought us to the wrong place. This isn’t Streatham Common, this isn’t.”
The driver was the most beautiful omnibus driver you ever saw, and his clothes were like him in beauty. He had white silk stockings and a ruffled silk shirt of white, and his coat and breeches were green and gold. So was the three-cornered hat which he lifted very politely when Pridmore spoke to him.
HE WAVED AWAY THE EIGHTPENCE.
“I fear,” he said kindly, “that you must have taken, by some unfortunate misunderstanding, the wrong omnibus.”
“When does the next go back?”
“The omnibus does not go back. It runs from Brixton here once a month, but it doesn’t go back.”
“But how does it get to Brixton again, to start again, I mean,” asked Matilda.
“We start a new one every time,” said the driver, raising his three-cornered hat once more.
“And what becomes of the old ones?” Matilda asked.
“Ah,” said the driver, smiling, “that depends. One never knows beforehand, things change so nowadays. Good morning. Thank you so much for your patronage. No, on no account, Madam.”
He waved away the eightpence which Pridmore was trying to offer him for the fare from Brixton, and drove quickly off.
When they looked round them, no, this was certainly not Streatham Common. The wrong omnibus had brought them to a strange village—the neatest, sweetest, reddest, greenest, cleanest, prettiest village in the world. The houses were grouped round a village green, on which children in pretty loose frocks or smocks were playing happily.
Not a tight armhole was to be seen, or even imagined in that happy spot. Matilda swelled herself out and burst three hooks and a bit more of the shoulder seam.
The shops seemed a little queer, Matilda thought. The names somehow did not match the things that were to be sold. For instance, where it said “Elias Groves, Tinsmith,” there were loaves and buns in the window, and the shop that had “Baker” over the door, was full of perambulators—the grocer and the wheelwright seemed to have changed names, or shops, or something—and Miss Skimpling, Dressmaker or Milliner, had her shop window full of pork and sausage meat.
“What a funny, nice place,” said Matilda. “I am glad we took the wrong omnibus.”
A little boy in a yellow smock had come up close to them.
“I beg your pardon,” he said very politely, “but all strangers are brought before the king at once. Please follow me.”
“Well, of all the impudence,” said Pridmore. “Strangers, indeed! And who may you be, I should like to know?”
“I,” said the little boy, bowing very low, “am the Prime Minister. I know I do not look it, but appearances are deceitful. It’s only for a short time. I shall probably be myself again by to-morrow.”
Pridmore muttered something which the little boy did not hear. Matilda caught a few words. “Smacked,” “bed,” “bread and water”—familiar words all of them.
“If it’s a game,” said Matilda to the boy, “I should like to play.”
He frowned.
“I advise you to come at once,” he said, so sternly that even Pridmore was a little frightened. “His Majesty’s Palace is in this direction.” He walked away, and Matilda made a sudden jump, dragged her hand out of Pridmore’s, and ran after him. So Pridmore had to follow, still grumbling.
The Palace stood in a great green park dotted with white-flowered may-bushes. It was not at all like an English palace, St. James’s or Buckingham Palace, for instance, because it was very beautiful and very clean. When they got in they saw that the Palace was hung with green silk. The footmen had green and gold liveries, and all the courtiers’ clothes were the same colours.
Matilda and Pridmore had to wait a few moments while the King changed his sceptre and put on a clean crown, and then they were shown into the Audience Chamber. The King came to meet them.
“It is kind of you to have come so far,” he said. “Of course you’ll stay at the Palace?” He looked anxiously at Matilda.
“Are you quite comfortable, my dear?” he asked doubtfully.
Matilda was very truthful—for a girl.
“No,” she said, “my frock cuts me round the arms——”
“Ah,” said he, “and you brought no luggage—some of the Princess’s frocks—her old ones perhaps—yes—yes—this person—your maid, no doubt?”
A loud laugh rang suddenly through the hall. The King looked uneasily round, as though he expected something to happen. But nothing seemed likely to occur.
“Yes,” said Matilda, “Pridmore is—Oh, dear!”
For before her eyes she saw an awful change taking place in Pridmore. In an instant all that was left of the original Pridmore were the boots and the hem of her skirt—the top part of her had changed into painted iron and glass, and even as Matilda looked the bit of skirt that was left got flat and hard and square. The two feet turned into four feet, and they were iron feet, and there was no more Pridmore.
THE TOP PART OF PRIDMORE TURNED INTO PAINTED IRON AND GLASS.
“Oh, my poor child,” said the King, “your maid has turned into an Automatic Machine.”
It was too true. The maid had turned into a machine such as those which you see in a railway station—greedy, grasping things which take your pennies and give you next to nothing in chocolate and no change.
But there was no chocolate to be seen through the glass of the machine that once had been Pridmore. Only little rolls of paper.
The King silently handed some pennies to Matilda. She dropped one into the machine and pulled out the little drawer. There was a scroll of paper. Matilda opened it and read—
“Don’t be tiresome.”
She tried again. This time it was—
“If you don’t give over I’ll tell your Ma first thing when she comes home.”
The next was—
“Go along with you do—always worrying;” so then Matilda knew.
“Yes,” said the King sadly, “I fear there’s no doubt about it. Your maid has turned into an Automatic Nagging Machine. Never mind, my dear, she’ll be all right to-morrow.”
“I like her best like this, thank you,” said Matilda quickly. “I needn’t put in any more pennies, you see.”
“Oh, we mustn’t be unkind and neglectful,” said the King gently, and he dropped in a penny. He got—
“You tiresome boy, you. Leave me be this minute.”
“I can’t help it,” said the King wearily; “you’ve no idea how suddenly things change here. It’s because—but I’ll tell you all about it at tea-time. Go with nurse now, my dear, and see if any of the Princess’s frocks will fit you.”
Then a nice, kind, cuddly nurse led Matilda away to the Princess’s apartments, and took off the stiff frock that hurt, and put on a green silk gown, as soft as birds’ breasts, and Matilda kissed her for sheer joy at being so comfortable.
“And now, dearie,” said the nurse, “you’d like to see the Princess, wouldn’t you? Take care you don’t hurt yourself with her. She’s rather sharp.”
Matilda did not understand this then. Afterwards she did.
THE PRINCESS WAS LIKE A YARD AND A HALF OF WHITE TAPE.
The nurse took her through many marble corridors and up and down many marble steps, and at last they came to a garden full of white roses, and in the middle of it, on a green satin-covered eiderdown, as big as a feather bed, sat the Princess in a white gown.
She got up when Matilda came towards her, and it was like seeing a yard and a half of white tape stand up on one end and bow—a yard and a half of broad white tape, of course; but what is considered broad for tape is very narrow indeed for princesses.
“How are you?” said Matilda, who had been taught manners.
“Very slim indeed, thank you,” said the Princess. And she was. Her face was so white and thin that it looked as though it were made of an oyster-shell. Her hands were thin and white, and her fingers reminded Matilda of fish-bones. Her hair and eyes were black, and Matilda thought she might have been pretty if she had been fatter. When she shook hands with Matilda her bony fingers hurt quite hard.
The Princess seemed pleased to see her visitor, and invited her to sit with Her Highness on the satin cushion.
“I have to be very careful or I should break,” said she; “that’s why the cushion is so soft, and I can’t play many games for fear of accidents. Do you know any sitting-down games?”
The only thing Matilda could think of was Cat’s-cradle, so they played that with the Princess’s green hair-ribbon. Her fish-bony fingers were much cleverer than Matilda’s little fat, pink paws.
Matilda looked about her between the games and admired everything very much, and asked questions, of course. There was a very large bird chained to a perch in the middle of a very large cage. Indeed the cage was so big that it took up all one side of the rose-garden. The bird had a yellow crest like a cockatoo and a very large bill like a toucan. (If you do not know what a toucan is you do not deserve ever to go to the Zoological Gardens again.)
“What is that bird?” asked Matilda.
“Oh,” said the Princess, “that’s my pet Cockatoucan; he’s very valuable. If he were to die or be stolen the Green Land would wither up and grow like New Cross or Islington.”
“How horrible!” said Matilda.
“I’ve never been to those places, of course,” said the Princess, shuddering, “but I hope I know my geography.”
“All of it?” asked Matilda.
“Even the exports and imports,” said the Princess. “Goodbye, I’m so thin I have to rest a good deal or I should wear myself out. Nurse, take her away.”
So nurse took her away to a wonderful room, where she amused herself till tea-time with all the kind of toys that you see and want in the shop when some one is buying you a box of bricks or a puzzle map—the kind of toys you never get because they are so expensive.
Matilda had tea with the King. He was full of true politeness and treated Matilda exactly as though she had been grown up—so that she was extremely happy and behaved beautifully.
The King told her all his troubles.
“You see,” he began, “what a pretty place my Green Land was once. It has points even now. But things aren’t what they used to be. It’s that bird, that Cockatoucan. We daren’t kill it or give it away. And every time it laughs something changes. Look at my Prime Minister. He was a six-foot man. And look at him now. I could lift him with one hand. And then your poor maid. It’s all that bad bird.”
“Why does it laugh?” asked Matilda.
“I can’t think,” said the King; “I can’t see anything to laugh at.”
“Can’t you give it lessons, or something nasty to make it miserable?”
“I have, I do, I assure you, my dear child. The lessons that bird has to swallow would choke a Professor.”
“Does it eat anything else besides lessons?”
“Christmas pudding. But there—what’s the use of talking—that bird would laugh if it were fed on dog-biscuits.”
His Majesty sighed and passed the buttered toast.
“You can’t possibly,” he went on, “have any idea of the kind of things that happen. That bird laughed one day at a Cabinet Council, and all my ministers turned into little boys in yellow socks. And we can’t get any laws made till they come right again. It’s not their fault, and I must keep their situations open for them, of course, poor things.”
“Of course,” said Matilda.
“There was a Dragon, now,” said the King. “When he came I offered the Princess’s hand and half my kingdom to any one who would kill him. It’s an offer that is always made, you know.”
“Yes,” said Matilda.
“Well, a really respectable young Prince came along, and every one turned out to see him fight the Dragon. As much as ninepence each was paid for the front seats, I assure you. The trumpet sounded and the Dragon came hurrying up. A trumpet is like a dinner-bell to a Dragon, you know. And the Prince drew his bright sword and we all shouted, and then that wretched bird laughed and the Dragon turned into a pussy-cat, and the Prince killed it before he could stop himself. The populace was furious.”
“What happened then?” asked Matilda.
“Well, I did what I could. I said, ‘You shall marry the Princess just the same.’ So I brought the Prince home, and when we got there the Cockatoucan had just been laughing again, and the Princess had turned into a very old German governess. The Prince went home in a great hurry and an awful temper. The Princess was all right in a day or two. These are trying times, my dear.”
“I am so sorry for you,” said Matilda, going on with the preserved ginger.
“Well you may be,” said the miserable Monarch; “but if I were to try to tell you all that that bird has brought on my poor kingdom I should keep you up till long past your proper bedtime.”
“I don’t mind,” said Matilda kindly. “Do tell me some more.”
“Why,” the King went on, growing now more agitated, “why, at one titter from that revolting bird the long row of ancestors on my Palace wall grew red-faced and vulgar; they began to drop their H’s and to assert that their name was Smith from Clapham Junction.”
“How dreadful!”
“And once,” said the King in a whimper, “it laughed so loudly that two Sundays came together and next Thursday got lost, and went prowling away and hid itself on the other side of Christmas.”
“And now,” he said suddenly, “it’s bedtime.”
“Must I go?” asked Matilda.
“Yes please,” said the King. “I tell all strangers this tragic story because I always feel that perhaps some stranger might be clever enough to help me. You seem a very nice little girl. Do you think you are clever?”
It is very nice even to be asked if you are clever. Your Aunt Willoughby knows well enough that you are not. But kings do say nice things. Matilda was very pleased.
“I don’t think I am clever,” she was saying quite honestly, when suddenly the sound of a hoarse laugh rang through the banqueting hall. Matilda put her hands to her head.
“Oh, dear!” she cried, “I feel so different. Oh! wait a minute. Oh! whatever is it? Oh!”
Then she was silent for a moment. Then she looked at the King and said, “I was wrong, your Majesty, I am clever, and I know it is not good for me to sit up late. Good-night. Thank you so much for your nice party. In the morning I think I shall be clever enough to help you, unless the bird laughs me back into the other kind of Matilda.”
But in the morning Matilda’s head felt strangely clear; only when she came down to breakfast full of plans for helping the King, she found that the Cockatoucan must have laughed in the night, for the beautiful Palace had turned into a butcher’s shop, and the King, who was too wise to fight against Fate, had tucked up his royal robes, and was busy in the shop weighing out six ounces of the best mutton-chops for a child with a basket.
“I don’t know how ever you can help me now,” he said, despairingly; “as long as the Palace stays like this, it’s no use trying to go on with being a king, or anything. I can only try to be a good butcher. You shall keep the accounts if you like, till that bird laughs me back into my Palace again.”
So the King settled down to business, respected by his subjects, who had all, since the coming of the Cockatoucan, had their little ups and downs. And Matilda kept the books and wrote out the bills, and really they were both rather happy. Pridmore, disguised as the automatic machine, stood in the shop and attracted many customers. They used to bring their children, and make the poor innocents put their pennies in, and then read Pridmore’s good advice. Some parents are so harsh. And the Princess sat in the back garden with the Cockatoucan, and Matilda played with her every afternoon. But one day, as the King was driving through another kingdom, the King of that kingdom looked out of one of his Palace windows, and laughed as the King went by, and shouted, “Butcher!”
THE KING SENT HIS ARMY, AND THE ENEMY WERE CRUSHED.
The Butcher-King did not mind this, because it was true, however rude. But when the other King called out, “What price cat’s meat!” the King was very angry indeed, because the meat he sold was always of the best quality. When he told Matilda all about it, she said, “Send the Army to crush him.”
So the King sent his Army, and the enemy were crushed. The Bird laughed the King back into his throne, and laughed away the butcher’s shop just in time for his Majesty to proclaim a general holiday, and to organise a magnificent reception for the Army. Matilda now helped the King to manage everything. She wonderfully enjoyed the new delightful feeling of being clever, so that she felt it was indeed too bad when the Cockatoucan laughed just as the reception was beautifully arranged. It laughed, and the general holiday was turned into an income tax; the magnificent reception changed itself to a royal reprimand, and the Army itself suddenly became a discontented Sunday-school treat, and had to be fed with buns and brought home in brakes, crying.
“Something must be done,” said the King.
“Well,” said Matilda, “I’ve been thinking if you will make me the Princess’s governess, I’ll see what I can do. I’m quite clever enough.”
“I must open Parliament to do that,” said the King; “it’s a Constitutional change.”
So he hurried off down the road to open Parliament. But the bird put its head on one side and laughed at him as he went by. He hurried on, but his beautiful crown grew large and brassy, and was set with cheap glass in the worst possible taste. His robe turned from velvet and ermine to flannelette and rabbit’s fur. His sceptre grew twenty feet long and extremely awkward to carry. But he persevered, his royal blood was up.
“No bird,” said he, “shall keep me from my duty and my Parliament.”
But when he got there, he was so agitated that he could not remember which was the right key to open Parliament with, and in the end he hampered the lock and so could not open Parliament at all, and members of Parliament went about making speeches in the roads to the great hindrance of the traffic.
The poor King went home and burst into tears.
“Matilda,” he said, “this is too much. You have always been a comfort to me. You stood by me when I was a butcher; you kept the books; you booked the orders; you ordered the stock. If you really are clever enough, now is the time to help me. If you won’t, I’ll give up the business. I’ll leave off being a King. I’ll go and be a butcher in the Camberwell New Road, and I will get another little girl to keep my books, not you.”
This decided Matilda. She said, “Very well, your Majesty, then give me leave to prowl at night. Perhaps I shall find out what makes the Cockatoucan laugh; if I can do that, we can take care he never gets it, whatever it is.”
“Ah!” said the poor King, “if you could only do that.”
When Matilda went to bed that night, she did not go to sleep. She lay and waited till all the Palace was quiet, and then she crept softly, pussily, mousily to the garden, where the Cockatoucan’s cage was, and she hid behind a white rosebush, and looked and listened. Nothing happened till it was gray dawn, and then it was only the Cockatoucan who woke up. But when the sun was round and red over the Palace roof, something came creeping, creeping, pussily, mousily out of the Palace; and it looked like a yard and a half of white tape creeping along; and it was the Princess herself.
She came quietly up to the cage, and squeezed herself between the bars; they were very narrow bars, but a yard and a half of white tape can go through the bars of any birdcage I ever saw. And the Princess went up to the Cockatoucan and tickled him under his wings till he laughed aloud. Then, quick as thought, the Princess squeezed through the bars, and was back in her room before the bird had finished laughing. Matilda went back to bed. Next day all the sparrows had turned into cart horses, and the roads were impassable.
That day when she went, as usual, to play with the Princess, Matilda said to her suddenly, “Princess, what makes you so thin?”
The Princess caught Matilda’s hand and pressed it with warmth.
“Matilda,” she said simply, “you have a noble heart. No one else has ever asked me that, though they tried to cure it. And I couldn’t answer till I was asked, could I? It’s a sad, a tragic tale, Matilda. I was once as fat as you are.”
THE KING HAD TURNED INTO A VILLA RESIDENCE.
“I’m not so very fat,” said Matilda, indignantly.
“Well,” said the Princess impatiently, “I was quite fat enough anyhow. And then I got thin—”
“But how?”
“Because they would not let me have my favourite pudding every day.”
“What a shame!” said Matilda, “and what is your favourite pudding?”
“Bread and milk, of course, sprinkled with rose leaves—and with pear-drops in it.”
Of course, Matilda went at once to the King, and while she was on her way the Cockatoucan happened to laugh. When she reached the King, he was in no condition for ordering dinner, for he had turned into a villa-residence, replete with every modern improvement. Matilda only recognised him, as he stood sadly in the Park, by the crown that stuck crookedly on one of the chimney-pots, and the border of ermine along the garden path. So she ordered the Princess’s favourite pudding on her own responsibility, and the whole Court had it every day for dinner, till there was no single courtier but loathed the very sight of bread and milk, and there was hardly one who would not have run a mile rather than meet a pear-drop. Even Matilda herself got rather tired of it, though being clever, she knew how good bread and milk was for her.
But the Princess got fatter and fatter, and rosier and rosier. Her thread-paper gowns had to be let out, and let out, till there were no more turnings in left to be let out, and then she had to wear the old ones that Matilda had been wearing, and then to have new ones. And as she got fatter she got kinder, till Matilda grew quite fond of her.
And the Cockatoucan had not laughed for a month.
When the Princess was as fat as any Princess ought to be, Matilda went to her one day, and threw her arms round her and kissed her. The Princess kissed her back, and said, “Very well, I am sorry then, but I didn’t want to say so, but now I will. And the Cockatoucan never laughs except when he’s tickled. So there! He hates to laugh.”
“And you won’t do it again,” said Matilda, “will you?”
“No, of course not,” said the Princess, very much surprised, “why should I? I was spiteful when I was thin, but now I’m fat again I want every one to be happy.”
“But how can any one be happy?” asked Matilda, severely, “when every one is turned into something they weren’t meant to be? There’s your dear father—he’s a desirable villa—the Prime Minister was a little boy, and he got back again, and now he’s turned into a Comic Opera. Half the Palace housemaids are breakers, dashing themselves against the Palace crockery: the Navy, to a man, are changed to French poodles, and the Army to German sausages. Your favourite nurse is now a flourishing steam laundry, and I, alas! am too clever by half. Can’t that horrible bird do anything to put us all right again?”
“No,” said the Princess, dissolved in tears at this awful picture, “he told me once himself that when he laughed he could only change one or two things at once, and then, as often as not, it turned out to be something he didn’t expect. The only way to make everything come right again would be—but it can’t be done! If we could only make him laugh on the wrong side of his mouth. That’s the secret. He told me so. But I don’t know what it is, let alone being able to do it. Could you do it, Matilda?”
“No,” said Matilda, “but let me whisper. He’s listening. Pridmore could. She’s often told me she’d do it to me. But she never has. Oh, Princess, I’ve got an idea.”
The two were whispering so low that the Cockatoucan could not hear, though he tried his hardest. Matilda and the Princess left him listening.
Presently he heard a sound of wheels. Four men came into the rose-garden wheeling a great red thing in a barrow. They set it down in front of the Cockatoucan, who danced on his perch with rage.
“Oh,” he said, “if only some one would make me laugh, that horrible thing would be the one to change. I know it would. It would change into something much horrider than it is now. I feel it in all my feathers.”
The Princess opened the cage-door with the Prime Minister’s key, which a tenor singer had found at the beginning of his music. It was also the key of the comic opera. She crept up behind the Cockatoucan and tickled him under both wings. He fixed his baleful eye on the red Automatic Machine and laughed long and loud; he saw the red iron and glass change before his eyes into the form of Pridmore. Her cheeks were red with rage and her eyes shone like glass with fury.
FOUR MEN CAME WHEELING A GREAT RED THING ON A BARROW.
“Nice manners!” said she to the Cockatoucan, “what are you laughing at, I should like to know—I’ll make you laugh on the wrong side of your mouth, my fine fellow!”
She sprang into the cage, and then and there, before the astonished Court, she shook that Cockatoucan till he really and truly did laugh on the wrong side of his mouth. It was a terrible sight to witness, and the sound of that wrong-sided laughter was horrible to hear.
But instantly all the things changed back as if by magic to what they had been before. The laundry became a nurse, the villa became a king, the other people were just what they had been before, and all Matilda’s wonderful cleverness went out like the snuff of a candle.
The Cockatoucan himself fell in two—one half of him became a common, ordinary Toucan, such as you must have seen a hundred times at the Zoo, unless you are unworthy to visit that happy place, and the other half became a weathercock, which, as you know, is always changing and makes the wind change too. So he has not quite lost his old power. Only now he is in halves, any power he may have has to be used without laughing. The poor, broken Cockatoucan, like King you-know-who in English history, has never since that sad day smiled again.
The grateful King sent an escort of the whole Army, now no longer dressed in sausage skins, but in uniforms of dazzling beauty, with drums and banners, to see Matilda and Pridmore home. But Matilda was very sleepy. She had been clever for so long that she was quite tired out. It is indeed a very fatiguing thing, as no doubt you know. And the soldiers must have been sleepy too, for one by one the whole Army disappeared, and by the time Pridmore and Matilda reached home there was only one left, and he was the policeman at the corner.
The next day Matilda began to talk to Pridmore about the Green Land and the Cockatoucan and the Villa-residence-King, but Pridmore only said—
“Pack of nonsense! Hold your tongue, do!”
So Matilda naturally understood that Pridmore did not wish to be reminded of the time when she was an Automatic Nagging Machine, so of course, like a kind and polite little girl, she let the subject drop.
Matilda did not mention her adventures to the others at home because she saw that they believed her to have spent the time with her Great-aunt Willoughby.
And she knew if she had said that she had not been there she would be sent at once—and she did not wish this.
She has often tried to get Pridmore to take the wrong omnibus again, which is the only way she knows of getting to the Green Land; but only once has she been successful, and then the omnibus did not go to the Green Land at all, but to the Elephant and Castle.
But no little girl ought to expect to go to the Green Land more than once in a lifetime. Many of us indeed are not even so fortunate as to go there once.
Story DNA
Moral
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Plot Summary
Matilda, a miserable child, is accidentally taken on a magical omnibus to a whimsical land where a powerful Cockatoucan's laughter causes chaotic transformations. She discovers the King is a villa and the Princess is thin and spiteful. Using her cleverness, Matilda helps the Princess regain her health and kindness, then devises a plan with the Princess to make the Cockatoucan laugh 'on the wrong side of his mouth' to reverse all the changes. Pridmore, Matilda's nursemaid, inadvertently becomes the catalyst for this reversal. All is restored, and Matilda returns home, keeping her extraordinary adventure a secret from the disbelieving adults.
Themes
Emotional Arc
misery to wonder to responsibility to resolution
Writing Style
Narrative Elements
Cultural Context
Reflects late 19th/early 20th-century English middle-class life and the contrast between rigid societal norms and a child's imagination.
Plot Beats (13)
- Matilda is unhappily prepared for a visit to her Great-aunt Willoughby, dreading the experience.
- Pridmore accidentally boards a magical green and gold omnibus, taking them to an unknown, whimsical village.
- They observe the village's peculiar shops and the happy, unconstrained children.
- Matilda and Pridmore are invited to the Palace, where they meet the King (now a villa) and the thin, spiteful Princess.
- Matilda learns that the Cockatoucan's laughter causes transformations and that the Princess is thin because she can't have her favorite pudding.
- Matilda, using her cleverness, orders the Princess's favorite pudding daily, making the Princess fat and kind again, and temporarily stopping the Cockatoucan's laughter.
- Matilda discovers the only way to reverse the transformations is to make the Cockatoucan laugh 'on the wrong side of his mouth'.
- Matilda and the Princess devise a plan, bringing an automatic machine into the garden.
- The Princess tickles the Cockatoucan, making him laugh at the machine, which transforms into an enraged Pridmore.
- Pridmore, furious, shakes the Cockatoucan until he laughs on the 'wrong side of his mouth', instantly reversing all the magical changes.
- The Cockatoucan splits into a common toucan and a weathercock, losing his transformative power.
- Matilda and Pridmore are escorted home by the restored Army, but the soldiers disappear along the way.
- Matilda tries to discuss the adventure with Pridmore, but Pridmore dismisses it as nonsense, and Matilda keeps the secret of her magical journey.
Characters
Matilda ★ protagonist
A small child, often described as 'wretched' or 'uncomfortable' due to ill-fitting clothes and over-washing. Her ears and cheeks are frequently red and shiny from vigorous scrubbing.
Attire: A new, ill-fitting frock that is 'prickly in the insides round her arms' and 'cut her round the neck'. It is tight and uncomfortable, causing her to wriggle until a shoulder-seam bursts. She wears boots with buttons.
Wants: To escape the discomforts and dullness of her everyday life, particularly the dreaded visits to Great-aunt Willoughby. Later, to restore order and happiness to the Green Land.
Flaw: Her initial sulkiness and tendency to complain, though she overcomes this. Her cleverness, while a strength, is also described as 'fatiguing' and 'too clever by half'.
Transforms from a sulky, uncomfortable child into a clever problem-solver who saves the Green Land, only to return to her normal life, having learned the value of her adventures.
Mischievous, imaginative, resilient, observant, and initially sulky but capable of kindness and politeness. She is clever and quick-witted when faced with unusual circumstances.
Image Prompt & Upload
A small English girl, around 8 years old, standing upright and facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. She has fair skin with noticeably red and shiny cheeks and ears. Her expression is a mix of sulkiness and curiosity. She wears a tight, uncomfortable, light-colored linen frock with a high neck and short sleeves, which appears slightly rumpled from her wriggling. Her hair is a common light brown, styled simply. She wears dark buttoned boots. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
Pridmore ◆ supporting
Initially described as a 'very careful person, though cross'. After being transformed into an Automatic Nagging Machine, she is described as having 'cheeks red with rage and her eyes shone like glass with fury'. Later, she gets fatter and kinder.
Attire: Typical nursemaid attire of the late 19th/early 20th century, likely a practical dark dress with an apron and cap, though not explicitly detailed. She 'pops her own things on' before leaving.
Wants: To fulfill her duties as Matilda's nursemaid, ensuring Matilda is clean, well-behaved, and attends her appointments, even if it means being harsh.
Flaw: Her extreme crossness and inability to admit fault, which makes her susceptible to the Cockatoucan's magic and later makes her the perfect candidate to 'laugh on the wrong side of her mouth'.
Begins as a strict and cross nursemaid, is transformed into an 'Automatic Nagging Machine', and upon her return, becomes fatter and kinder, though still practical and dismissive of fantasy.
Initially cross, careful, and strict, prone to nagging and shaking Matilda. She is unyielding and rarely apologizes. After her transformation and subsequent return, she becomes fatter and kinder, though still dismissive of Matilda's adventures.
Image Prompt & Upload
An adult English woman, around 40 years old, standing upright and facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. She has a stern, cross expression, with her lips pursed and eyebrows slightly furrowed. Her cheeks are flushed red with irritation. She has dark brown hair pulled back severely into a neat bun. She wears a practical, dark grey wool dress with a white linen apron and a small white cap. Her posture is rigid and upright. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
Great-aunt Willoughby ○ minor
Not explicitly described, but implied to be a typical stern Victorian/Edwardian aunt. Her house has a 'gritty path, and geraniums and calceolarias and lobelias'.
Attire: Not described, but would be formal, conservative attire appropriate for an elderly lady of the period, likely dark and modest.
Wants: To maintain proper decorum and ensure Matilda is being raised correctly, according to her own standards.
Flaw: Her rigid adherence to social norms and lack of understanding of a child's perspective.
Does not appear directly in the story, but serves as a symbol of the unpleasant reality Matilda wishes to escape.
Inquisitive (asking impertinent questions about lessons and behavior), strict, and ungenerous (offering a small biscuit with caraway seeds).
Image Prompt & Upload
An elderly English woman, around 70 years old, standing upright and facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. She has a severe, unsmiling expression, with thin lips and sharp eyes. Her grey hair is pulled back tightly into a neat bun. She wears a dark, high-necked Victorian-era dress made of heavy fabric, possibly velvet or wool, with a lace collar. Her posture is rigid and proper. She holds a small, plain caraway seed biscuit in her gloved hand. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
The Omnibus Driver ◆ supporting
Described as 'the most beautiful omnibus driver you ever saw'. He has a 'kind face' and 'bright eyes'.
Attire: A uniform, though not explicitly detailed, would be typical for an omnibus driver of the period, likely a smart jacket and cap. He wears a 'green coat with gold buttons'.
Wants: To transport Matilda and Pridmore to the Green Land, fulfilling Destiny's plans.
Flaw: None apparent, he seems to be an agent of benevolent magic.
Introduces Matilda to the magical world and then disappears from the narrative, his role fulfilled.
Kind, polite, and helpful, contrasting sharply with the usual adult figures in Matilda's life. He is also magical or connected to the magical Green Land.
Image Prompt & Upload
A handsome young English man, around 25 years old, standing upright and facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. He has a kind, open face with bright, intelligent eyes and a gentle smile. His hair is neatly combed, light brown. He wears a smart, forest-green wool coat with shining gold buttons down the front, a white shirt, and a dark tie. A matching green driver's cap sits squarely on his head. His posture is confident and welcoming. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
The Cockatoucan ⚔ antagonist
A large, colorful bird, a hybrid of a cockatoo and a toucan. It has a 'baleful eye' and is described as 'horrible'. Its feathers are important to its magical sensitivity.
Attire: Its own feathers, which are colorful and distinctive, combining traits of a cockatoo and a toucan.
Wants: To cause mischief and unhappiness by changing people and things. It seems to enjoy its power and the chaos it creates.
Flaw: It hates to laugh, and being tickled forces it to laugh, which activates its unpredictable magic. Laughing 'on the wrong side of its mouth' is its ultimate undoing.
Acts as the primary antagonist, causing widespread transformations. It is ultimately defeated and split into two non-magical halves: a common toucan and a weathercock.
Spiteful, malicious, enjoys causing chaos and unhappiness by transforming people. It hates to laugh, especially when tickled, as its laughter triggers its magic.
Image Prompt & Upload
A large, vibrant magical bird, standing on a perch inside a decorative, ornate birdcage. It has the distinctive white crest of a cockatoo on its head and the large, brightly colored beak of a toucan, predominantly orange and yellow. Its body is covered in iridescent green and blue feathers, with a long tail. Its eyes are a piercing, baleful red. It has an expression of perpetual annoyance or rage. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
The Princess ◆ supporting
Initially thin and spiteful, she becomes 'as fat as any Princess ought to be' and kinder after Matilda's arrival. Her tears are described as 'dissolved'.
Attire: Royal attire, though not explicitly detailed. It would be elegant and luxurious, appropriate for a princess in a magical kingdom.
Wants: Initially, perhaps to maintain her spiteful nature. Later, to undo the Cockatoucan's magic and restore her kingdom and father.
Flaw: Her initial spitefulness and her inability to solve the magical problem herself. She is also somewhat naive about the Cockatoucan's true nature.
Changes from a thin, spiteful princess to a kind, fat princess who helps Matilda defeat the Cockatoucan and restore her kingdom.
Starts as thin and spiteful, but transforms into a kind, affectionate, and somewhat naive individual as she gains weight. She is easily moved to tears by the plight of her transformed subjects.
Image Prompt & Upload
A young adult princess, around 20 years old, standing upright and facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. She has a round, kind face with soft features and a gentle smile. Her cheeks are full and rosy. Her long, wavy golden-blonde hair is styled elegantly with a small jeweled tiara. She wears a flowing gown of soft, emerald green silk, embroidered with delicate silver patterns, with wide sleeves and a modest neckline. Her posture is graceful and regal, but with a hint of warmth. She holds a small, ornate golden key in her hand. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
The King (Villa-residence-King) ○ minor
Initially a king, but transformed by the Cockatoucan into a 'desirable villa'.
Attire: As a villa, he has no wardrobe. As a king, he would wear royal robes.
Wants: As a villa, he has no motivation. As a king, his motivation would be to rule his kingdom.
Flaw: Vulnerable to the Cockatoucan's magic.
Transformed into a villa, then restored to his original form as king by the reversal of the Cockatoucan's magic.
Not directly shown as a king, but implied to be a benevolent ruler given the Princess's desire to restore him.
Image Prompt & Upload
A grand, two-story Victorian-era villa, built of red brick with white trim, bay windows, and a slate roof. It has a well-maintained front garden with a winding path and flowering bushes. The architecture is elegant and inviting, suggesting a 'desirable' residence. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
Locations
The Green Lane
A quickly and smoothly winding green lane, with vibrant flowers in the hedges and lush green trees forming a canopy overhead. The air is fresh and the light is bright.
Mood: Magical, unexpected, serene, a sudden escape from urban dullness.
Matilda's journey to the magical Green Land begins here, a stark contrast to her expected trip to Streatham.
Image Prompt & Upload
A narrow, verdant country lane winding gently under a dense canopy of mature English oak and elm trees, their leaves a vibrant spring green. Wildflowers like bluebells and primroses dot the grassy verges and hedgerows. Soft, dappled sunlight filters through the leaves, creating shifting patterns on the smooth, unpaved road. The air feels fresh and clean, with a sense of peaceful seclusion. no border, no frame, no watermark, no text, no signature, edge-to-edge illustration.
The Palace Rose-Garden
A formal rose-garden within a magical palace, where a large, red, automatic machine is brought in. It is the setting for the climax of the story.
Mood: Tense, magical, climactic, with an underlying sense of absurdity.
The Cockatoucan is tricked into laughing on the 'wrong side of his mouth' here, reversing all the magical transformations.
Image Prompt & Upload
A meticulously manicured English rose garden, with geometrically arranged beds overflowing with blooming roses in shades of crimson, pink, and white. Gravel paths crisscross the garden, leading to a central clearing where a large, ornate wrought-iron birdcage stands. In the background, the soft, warm stone facade of a stately, classical English palace with tall arched windows and ivy-clad walls is visible under a clear, bright sky. no border, no frame, no watermark, no text, no signature, edge-to-edge illustration.
