OLD SAWS with NEW TEETH
by Ambrose Bierce · from Fantastic Fables
Adapted Version
A Rich Man wanted a big drawing. He asked an Artist to make it. The Artist said yes. He worked many long hours. He drew a beautiful, big picture. The picture showed a lovely house. The Artist was very proud. He gave the drawing to the Rich Man. The Artist then asked for his money. The Rich Man did not give money. He said, "Be happy now." He would not pay. He did not ask for it. The Artist felt a familiar weariness. He worked hard for the man. He used his best skills. The Rich Man did not pay. The Artist needed the money for food. He felt a bitter taste. The Rich Man just smiled a bit. He thought he was very smart. The Artist simply nodded. This was how it went.
Original Story
OLD SAWS WITH NEW TEETH
CERTAIN ANCIENT FABLES APPLIED TO
THE LIFE OF OUR TIMES
The Wolf and the Crane
A Rich Man wanted to tell a certain lie, but the lie was of such monstrous size that it stuck in his throat; so he employed an Editor to write it out and publish it in his paper as an editorial. But when the Editor presented his bill, the Rich Man said:
“Be content—is it nothing that I refrained from advising you about investments?”
The Lion and the Mouse
A Judge was awakened by the noise of a lawyer prosecuting a Thief. Rising in wrath he was about to sentence the Thief to life imprisonment when the latter said:
“I beg that you will set me free, and I will some day requite your kindness.”
Pleased and flattered to be bribed, although by nothing but an empty promise, the Judge let him go. Soon afterward he found that it was more than an empty promise, for, having become a Thief, he was himself set free by the other, who had become a Judge.
The Hares and the Frogs
The Members of a Legislature, being told that they were the meanest thieves in the world, resolved to commit suicide. So they bought shrouds, and laying them in a convenient place prepared to cut their throats. While they were grinding their razors some Tramps passing that way stole the shrouds.
“Let us live, my friends,” said one of the Legislators to the others; “the world is better than we thought. It contains meaner thieves than we.”
The Belly and the Members
Some Workingmen employed in a shoe factory went on a strike, saying: “Why should we continue to work to feed and clothe our employer when we have none too much to eat and wear ourselves?”
The Manufacturer, seeing that he could get no labour for a long time and finding the times pretty hard anyhow, burned down his shoe factory for the insurance, and when the strikers wanted to resume work there was no work to resume. So they boycotted a tanner.
The Piping Fisherman
An Editor who was always vaunting the purity, enterprise, and fearlessness of his paper was pained to observe that he got no subscribers. One day it occurred to him to stop saying that his paper was pure and enterprising and fearless, and make it so. “If these are not good qualities,” he reasoned, “it is folly to claim them.”
Under the new policy he got so many subscribers that his rivals endeavoured to discover the secret of his prosperity, but he kept it, and when he died it died with him.
The Ants and the Grasshopper
Some Members of a Legislature were making schedules of their wealth at the end of the session, when an Honest Miner came along and asked them to divide with him. The members of the Legislature inquired:
“Why did you not acquire property of your own?”
“Because,” replied the Honest Miner, “I was so busy digging out gold that I had no leisure to lay up something worth while.”
Then the Members of the Legislature derided him, saying:
“If you waste your time in profitless amusement, you cannot, of course, expect to share the rewards of industry.”
The Dog and His Reflection
A State Official carrying off the Dome of the Capitol met the Ghost of his predecessor, who had come out of his political grave to warn him that God saw him. As the place of meeting was lonely and the time midnight, the State Official set down the Dome of the Capitol, and commanded the supposed traveller to throw up his hands. The Ghost replied that he had not eaten them, and while he was explaining the situation another State Official silently added the dome to his own collection.
The Lion, the Bear, and the Fox
Two Thieves having stolen a Piano and being unable to divide it fairly without a remainder went to law about it and continued the contest as long as either one could steal a dollar to bribe the judge. When they could give no more an Honest Man came along and by a single small payment obtained a judgment and took the Piano home, where his daughter used it to develop her biceps muscles, becoming a famous pugiliste.
The Ass and the Lion’s Skin
A Member of the State Militia stood at a street corner, scowling stormily, and the people passing that way went a long way around him, thinking of the horrors of war. But presently, in order to terrify them still more, he strode toward them, when, his sword entangling his legs, he fell upon the field of glory, and the people passed over him singing their sweetest songs.
The Ass and the Grasshoppers
A Statesman heard some Labourers singing at their work, and wishing to be happy too, asked them what made them so.
“Honesty,” replied the Labourers.
So the Statesman resolved that he too would be honest, and the result was that he died of want.
The Wolf and the Lion
An Indian who had been driven out of a fertile valley by a White Settler, said:
“Now that you have robbed me of my land, there is nothing for me to do but issue invitations to a war-dance.”
“I don’t so much mind your dancing,” said the White Settler, putting a fresh cartridge into his rifle, “but if you attempt to make me dance you will become a good Indian lamented by all who didn’t know you. How did you get this land, anyhow?”
The Indian’s claim was compromised for a plug hat and a tin horn.
The Hare and the Tortoise
Of two Writers one was brilliant but indolent; the other though dull, industrious. They set out for the goal of fame with equal opportunities. Before they died the brilliant one was detected in seventy languages as the author of but two or three books of fiction and poetry, while the other was honoured in the Bureau of Statistics of his native land as the compiler of sixteen volumes of tabulated information relating to the domestic hog.
The Milkmaid and Her Bucket
A Senator fell to musing as follows: “With the money which I shall get for my vote in favour of the bill to subsidise cat-ranches, I can buy a kit of burglar’s tools and open a bank. The profit of that enterprise will enable me to obtain a long, low, black schooner, raise a death’s-head flag and engage in commerce on the high seas. From my gains in that business I can pay for the Presidency, which at $50,000 a year will give me in four years—” but it took him so long to make the calculation that the bill to subsidise cat-ranches passed without his vote, and he was compelled to return to his constituents an honest man, tormented with a clean conscience.
King Log and King Stork
The People being dissatisfied with a Democratic Legislature, which stole no more than they had, elected a Republican one, which not only stole all they had but exacted a promissory note for the balance due, secured by a mortgage upon their hope of death.
The Wolf Who Would Be a Lion
A Foolish Fellow who had been told that he was a great man believed it, and got himself appointed a Commissioner to the Interasylum Exposition of Preserved Idiots. At the first meeting of the Board he was mistaken for one of the exhibits, and the janitor was ordered to remove him to his appropriate glass case.
“Alas!” he exclaimed as he was carried out, “why was I not content to remain where the cut of my forehead is so common as to be known as the Pacific Slope?”
The Monkey and the Nuts
A Certain City desiring to purchase a site for a public Deformatory procured an appropriation from the Government of the country. Deeming this insufficient for purchase of the site and payment of reasonable commissions to themselves, the men in charge of the matter asked for a larger sum, which was readily given. Believing that the fountain could not be dipped dry, they applied for still more and more yet. Wearied at last by their importunities, the Government said it would be damned if it gave anything. So it gave nothing and was damned all the harder.
The Boys and the Frogs
Some editors of newspapers were engaged in diffusing general intelligence and elevating the moral sentiment of the public. They had been doing this for some time, when an Eminent Statesman stuck his head out of the pool of politics, and, speaking for the members of his profession, said:
“My friends, I beg you will desist. I know you make a great deal of money by this kind of thing, but consider the damage you inflict upon the business of others!”
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Story DNA
Moral
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Plot Summary
This collection of short fables reinterprets classic moral tales with a cynical, satirical lens, applying them to the corrupt realities of late 19th-century American society. Each story features characters like rich men, judges, legislators, and state officials who consistently act out of self-interest, greed, and hypocrisy, subverting traditional notions of justice and virtue. The outcomes are often darkly humorous, demonstrating how good intentions are punished, and corruption frequently triumphs, leaving the reader with a bleak but incisive commentary on human nature and societal flaws.
Themes
Emotional Arc
cynicism to deeper cynicism
Writing Style
Narrative Elements
Cultural Context
Ambrose Bierce was known for his cynical and satirical writing, often reflecting the political and social corruption prevalent in post-Civil War America, particularly during the Gilded Age.
Plot Beats (17)
- A Rich Man hires an Editor to publish a lie, then refuses to pay, offering a non-existent favor instead.
- A Judge, flattered by a Thief's empty promise, releases him, only for their roles to reverse later, with the former Thief now a Judge releasing the former Judge.
- Legislators, planning suicide over being called the meanest thieves, discover tramps are even meaner when their shrouds are stolen, deciding to live.
- Striking Workingmen cause their Manufacturer to burn his factory for insurance, leaving them with no work.
- An Editor gains subscribers by actually making his paper pure and fearless, a secret he takes to his grave.
- Legislators mock an Honest Miner for not accumulating wealth, despite his hard work, implying his labor was 'profitless amusement'.
- A State Official stealing the Capitol Dome is warned by a Ghost, but a misunderstanding allows another official to steal the dome.
- Two Thieves fight over a stolen Piano in court, bribing the judge until an Honest Man makes a small payment and takes the piano.
- A Militia Member tries to intimidate people, but trips over his sword, allowing them to pass by happily.
- A Statesman tries honesty to find happiness like Labourers, but dies of want.
- A White Settler dispossesses an Indian, then threatens him when the Indian suggests a war-dance, ultimately buying off the Indian's claim cheaply.
- An indolent but brilliant Writer achieves little fame, while a dull but industrious one becomes a prolific compiler of statistics.
- A Senator's elaborate plan to become President through corruption is thwarted when he takes too long to calculate, missing a crucial vote.
- People, dissatisfied with a moderately corrupt Democratic Legislature, elect a Republican one that steals everything and incurs future debt.
- A Foolish Fellow, believing himself great, is appointed a Commissioner, but is mistaken for an exhibit and removed.
- City officials repeatedly ask for more government funds for a public Deformatory site, eventually receiving nothing due to their greed.
- Newspaper editors, busy 'elevating moral sentiment', are asked by an Eminent Statesman to desist, as their actions damage the 'business' of politicians.
Characters
Rich Man ★ protagonist
A man of substantial build, likely portly, with a well-fed appearance suggesting a life of luxury and minimal physical labor. His height is average, but his presence is commanding due to his wealth.
Attire: A dark, well-tailored three-piece suit made of fine wool, possibly in charcoal or navy, with a crisp white shirt and a silk cravat. A gold watch chain might be visible across his waistcoat. His shoes are polished leather, indicating attention to detail and status.
Wants: To maintain his public image and wealth through any means necessary, including lies and exploitation.
Flaw: His arrogance and belief that his wealth exempts him from moral obligations.
Remains unchanged, continuing his exploitative behavior.
Deceptive, manipulative, entitled, stingy, self-serving.
Image Prompt & Upload
A portly adult man of average height, standing upright, facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. He has a round, fleshy face with a double chin, small shrewd eyes, and thinning gray hair combed back. He wears a dark, well-tailored three-piece wool suit, a crisp white shirt, and a silk cravat, with a gold watch chain visible across his waistcoat. He has a self-satisfied, calculating expression. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
Editor ◆ supporting
A man of average build and height, perhaps slightly stooped from long hours over a desk. His appearance is neat but not ostentatious, reflecting a professional but not wealthy status.
Attire: A practical, dark wool suit, perhaps slightly worn, with a plain white shirt and a simple tie. His jacket might have ink stains on the cuffs. His shoes are sturdy and polished.
Wants: To earn a living by using his writing skills, even if it means compromising his integrity.
Flaw: His willingness to be employed for unethical tasks due to financial need.
Initially compromises his ethics for payment, but later in the 'Piping Fisherman' fable, he learns to prioritize integrity for success.
Compliant, professional, observant, somewhat naive (initially), adaptable.
Image Prompt & Upload
An adult man of average build and height, standing upright, facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. He has a somewhat gaunt face, sharp eyes, and neatly parted dark hair. He wears spectacles on his nose. He is dressed in a dark, slightly worn wool suit, a plain white shirt, and a simple tie, with subtle ink stains on his cuffs. He holds a folded bill in one hand. He has an observant, slightly weary expression. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
Judge ★ protagonist
A man of imposing stature, perhaps a bit heavy-set, with an air of authority that comes from years on the bench. His height is average to tall.
Attire: A formal black judicial robe over a dark suit, with a white shirt and a stiff collar. His attire is impeccable, reflecting his position of power.
Wants: To maintain his power and position, and to benefit personally, even through unethical means.
Flaw: His vanity and susceptibility to flattery and empty promises.
His initial corruption leads to a reversal of fortune, where he becomes the victim of the same system he exploited, but ultimately benefits from the Thief's reciprocal corruption.
Authoritarian, easily flattered, corruptible, self-serving, vengeful (initially).
Image Prompt & Upload
An adult man of imposing stature, standing upright, facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. He has a stern, unyielding face with deep lines, dark piercing eyes, and neatly combed gray hair. He wears a formal black judicial robe over a dark suit with a white shirt and stiff collar. He has a rigid, authoritative posture and a severe expression. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
Thief ★ protagonist
A lean and agile man, of average height, with a build that suggests quickness and stealth rather than brute strength. His movements are fluid and economical.
Attire: Practical, dark, and unassuming clothing, possibly a dark wool jacket and trousers, designed for blending into shadows and ease of movement. His shoes are soft-soled. No ostentatious jewelry.
Wants: To escape punishment and benefit from others' weaknesses, and later, to maintain a system of mutual corruption.
Flaw: His reliance on deception and manipulation.
Successfully manipulates the Judge to escape punishment, then rises to become a Judge himself, perpetuating the cycle of corruption by freeing his former oppressor.
Cunning, opportunistic, manipulative, resourceful, reciprocal (in a corrupt way).
Image Prompt & Upload
A lean, agile young adult man of average height, standing upright, facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. He has a sharp, cunning face with quick, darting dark eyes and slightly disheveled dark hair. He wears practical, dark wool jacket and trousers, and soft-soled shoes. He has a subtle, knowing smirk and an alert posture. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
Legislator ★ protagonist
A man of varying build, but generally well-fed and comfortable, reflecting his position of power and access to resources. He is of average height.
Attire: A dark, formal suit of good quality wool, with a crisp white shirt and a conservative tie. His attire is designed to convey respectability and authority.
Wants: To acquire wealth and maintain power, even through theft and deception.
Flaw: His profound lack of self-awareness and moral compass, easily rationalizing his own corruption.
Initially considers suicide due to public condemnation, but quickly rationalizes his continued existence by finding others 'meaner' than himself, showing no true change.
Corrupt, self-serving, opportunistic, easily swayed by public opinion (initially), hypocritical.
Image Prompt & Upload
An adult man of average height and comfortable build, standing upright, facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. He has a well-groomed, slightly smug face with calculating eyes and neatly combed graying hair. He wears a dark, formal wool suit, a crisp white shirt, and a conservative tie. He has an air of self-importance and a confident posture. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
Honest Miner ◆ supporting
A rugged, muscular man of average height, with a strong, lean build from years of physical labor. His hands are calloused and strong.
Attire: Practical, durable work clothes: a sturdy denim shirt, heavy canvas trousers, and worn leather boots. His clothes are stained with dirt and grime, reflecting his profession.
Wants: To share in the rewards of industry, believing his hard work entitles him to a share.
Flaw: His naivety and inability to understand or participate in political corruption.
Remains unchanged, serving as a foil to the corrupt Legislators.
Honest, hardworking, naive, direct, trusting.
Image Prompt & Upload
A rugged, muscular adult man of average height, standing upright, facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. He has a weathered, honest face with clear, direct eyes, thick dark unkempt hair, and a beard. He wears a sturdy denim shirt, heavy canvas trousers, and worn leather boots, all stained with dirt. He has a straightforward, unpretentious posture and a slightly naive expression. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
State Official ★ protagonist
A man of average build, perhaps a bit soft from a sedentary lifestyle, but with an air of self-importance. His height is average.
Attire: A dark, conservative suit of good quality, with a white shirt and a plain tie. His attire is professional but not flashy, designed to project an image of respectability.
Wants: To steal and accumulate wealth and symbols of power for personal gain.
Flaw: His cowardice and susceptibility to superstitious fear.
His attempt to steal is interrupted by fear, but he quickly recovers to try and intimidate the 'Ghost,' only to be outsmarted by another equally corrupt official.
Corrupt, opportunistic, cowardly, superstitious (initially), acquisitive.
Image Prompt & Upload
An adult man of average build and height, standing upright, facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. He has a somewhat bland, opportunistic face with nervous, shifty eyes and neatly combed dark hair. He wears a dark, conservative suit, a white shirt, and a plain tie. He carries a miniature 'Dome of the Capitol' in his arms. He has a cautious, slightly furtive posture and a nervous expression. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
Ghost of his predecessor ○ minor
A translucent, ethereal figure, appearing as a man of average height and build, with indistinct features that shimmer and fade. He seems to be dressed in outdated formal attire.
Attire: Appears to wear the spectral remnants of a formal suit, perhaps from an earlier era, shimmering with an otherworldly light. The fabric details are vague due to his ethereal nature.
Wants: To warn the current State Official, possibly out of a sense of lingering guilt or a desire to assert his continued influence.
Flaw: His ethereal nature makes him unable to physically intervene or enforce his warnings.
Serves as a catalyst for the current State Official's actions but is ultimately ineffective in preventing further corruption.
Warning, moralistic (in a self-serving way), slightly pedantic.
Image Prompt & Upload
A translucent, ethereal male figure, appearing as an adult of average height and build, standing upright, facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. He has an indistinct, pale face with faintly glowing eyes and wispy, floating hair. He wears the shimmering, spectral remnants of a formal suit. He floats with a slow, deliberate movement and has an ageless, warning expression. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
Indian ★ protagonist
A lean, resilient man of average height, with a strong, agile build. His features are characteristic of indigenous peoples of North America, with high cheekbones and a strong jawline.
Attire: Traditional attire consistent with a Plains or Woodland Indian, such as a buckskin tunic adorned with simple beadwork or quillwork, deerskin leggings, and moccasins. He might wear a simple feather in his hair or a beaded necklace.
Wants: To reclaim his ancestral land or assert his rights, and to maintain his cultural identity.
Flaw: His traditional values and lack of understanding of the White Settler's ruthless pragmatism and superior firepower.
Initially asserts his right to his land and threatens resistance, but is ultimately forced to compromise for trivial items, highlighting his powerlessness against the White Settler's force.
Dignified, resilient, proud, traditional, ultimately pragmatic (forced).
Image Prompt & Upload
A lean, resilient adult man of average height, standing upright, facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. He has a stoic, weathered face with deep-set dark eyes, and long, dark braided hair reaching his shoulders. He wears a buckskin tunic with simple beadwork, deerskin leggings, and moccasins, with a single feather in his hair. He has a dignified, quiet strength in his posture and a resigned expression. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
White Settler ⚔ antagonist
A rugged, determined man of average to tall height, with a strong, capable build. His appearance is practical and hardened by frontier life.
Attire: Practical frontier clothing: a sturdy flannel shirt, denim or canvas trousers, a leather vest, and heavy work boots. He wears a wide-brimmed hat. A cartridge belt is visible around his waist.
Wants: To acquire land and resources, believing in his right to take what he wants through force or intimidation.
Flaw: His complete lack of empathy and moral consideration for others' rights.
Remains unchanged, successfully intimidating and dispossessing the Indian.
Ruthless, pragmatic, aggressive, dismissive, self-justifying.
Image Prompt & Upload
A rugged, determined adult man of average height, standing upright, facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. He has a stern, unyielding face with a grim set to his jaw, sharp calculating eyes, and short sandy hair under a wide-brimmed hat. He wears a sturdy flannel shirt, denim trousers, a leather vest, and heavy work boots. A cartridge belt is visible around his waist. He holds a rifle in his hands. He has a confident, assertive posture and a dismissive expression. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
Locations
Editor's Office
A functional, perhaps cluttered, office space where an editor works, likely filled with papers, printing presses, and the tools of the trade for publishing a newspaper.
Mood: Professional, busy, potentially morally ambiguous.
An editor is employed to publish a monstrous lie as an editorial, and later decides to make his paper genuinely pure and fearless.
Image Prompt & Upload
An early 20th-century American newspaper editor's office, dimly lit by a single bare bulb, with stacks of freshly printed newspapers piled high on a wooden desk. A large, clunky printing press dominates the background, its gears and levers visible. Ink-stained papers are scattered across the floor, and a half-empty coffee cup sits beside a typewriter. The air is thick with the smell of ink and paper. no border, no frame, no watermark, no text, no signature, edge-to-edge illustration.
Courtroom
A formal, imposing space where legal proceedings take place, featuring a judge's bench, a witness stand, and seating for lawyers and the accused.
Mood: Somber, authoritative, prone to corruption.
A judge is about to sentence a thief but is swayed by a promise, leading to a reversal of roles later.
Image Prompt & Upload
A turn-of-the-century American courtroom, with high ceilings and dark, polished oak paneling. A stern, elevated judge's bench dominates the far wall, flanked by heavy velvet drapes. Below, a worn wooden railing separates the public gallery from the main court area, where a simple witness stand and defendant's dock are situated. Natural light streams through tall, arched windows, illuminating dust motes in the air. no border, no frame, no watermark, no text, no signature, edge-to-edge illustration.
Legislature Meeting Place
A formal assembly hall, likely grand and ornate, where legislators meet to conduct business, but also a place where they contemplate drastic actions.
Mood: Desperate, self-serving, ironic.
Legislators, shamed by accusations of being thieves, prepare for suicide but are deterred by an even meaner act of theft.
Image Prompt & Upload
A grand, late 19th-century American legislative chamber, with rows of dark wooden desks arranged in a semi-circle facing a central podium. High, arched windows let in diffused daylight, illuminating the ornate plasterwork on the ceiling and walls, possibly featuring allegorical murals. The air feels heavy and formal, with a sense of impending drama. no border, no frame, no watermark, no text, no signature, edge-to-edge illustration.
Lonely Midnight Road
A deserted road or path, likely unpaved, under the cover of darkness, creating an eerie and isolated atmosphere.
Mood: Eerie, isolated, mysterious.
A State Official carrying the Capitol Dome encounters the ghost of his predecessor, leading to a comical theft.
Image Prompt & Upload
A desolate, unpaved dirt road winding through sparse, gnarled trees under a full, bright moon at midnight. Long, distorted shadows stretch across the uneven ground, which is littered with dry leaves and small stones. The air is still and cold, with a palpable sense of isolation and mystery. The only light comes from the moon, casting everything in stark silver and deep blue tones. no border, no frame, no watermark, no text, no signature, edge-to-edge illustration.
Street Corner
A bustling urban intersection where people pass by, serving as a stage for public display and interaction.
Mood: Public, observational, ironic.
A State Militia member attempts to intimidate passersby but trips, revealing his true nature.
Image Prompt & Upload
A busy turn-of-the-century American street corner, paved with worn cobblestones, flanked by tall, red-brick buildings with ornate cornices. Sunlight illuminates the bustling scene, casting sharp shadows from horse-drawn carriages and pedestrians. A cast-iron street lamp stands prominently at the intersection, its glass globes reflecting the light. The atmosphere is lively and observational. no border, no frame, no watermark, no text, no signature, edge-to-edge illustration.
