The Ingenious Patriot
by Ambrose Bierce · from Fantastic Fables
Adapted Version
Once, a clever man met the King. The King let him come. The King sat on his throne. The Clever Man stood before the King. The Clever Man bowed low. The King looked at him.
The Clever Man had a paper. The paper was big. It showed a plan. This plan made very strong armor. The armor was for soldiers. No gun could break it. He told the King this. The King listened closely. He asked for many gold coins. He wanted one million coins. He wanted much gold.
The King looked at the paper. He thought it was good. The King smiled. He liked the idea. The King said, "Yes, I will pay you."
Then The Clever Man pulled out another paper. The second paper was new. It was a plan for a big gun. The gun was very powerful. This gun could break the strong armor. He told the King. The King looked surprised. He offered it to the King. He asked for more gold coins. He wanted one million coins. He asked for much more.
The King looked at the paper. He thought it was good. The King nodded his head. He agreed again. The King said, "Yes, I will pay you."
The Clever Man pulled out another paper. A third paper appeared. He started to talk. He had a way to stop bullets. It was a new idea. The King listened. The King's face changed. The King was not happy. He frowned a little. He looked cross now.
The King understood the trick. The King felt angry. He called The Royal Helper. The Helper came quickly. "Come here," the King said. "Look at this man. Search his clothes. How many pockets does he have?"
The Royal Helper searched the man. He checked every spot. He looked and looked. The Helper was amazed. "My King," he said. "He has many, many pockets. So many pockets!"
The Clever Man looked worried. His face turned pale. He was scared now. He held his breath. "Oh, King," he cried. "One pocket has tobacco. Please, not that one!"
The King was angry. The King's voice was firm. He gave a command. He said, "Give him some coins. This is for his first good idea. Then send him away. The man must leave. He cannot come back here. He cannot trick me again."
The King made a new rule. He wanted everyone to know. He said, "Do not trick people." "Do not be too greedy." "Always be honest." "That is the best way." The King was wise. He left the palace.
Original Story
The Ingenious Patriot
Having obtained an audience of the King an Ingenious Patriot pulled a paper from his pocket, saying:
“May it please your Majesty, I have here a formula for constructing armour-plating which no gun can pierce. If these plates are adopted in the Royal Navy our warships will be invulnerable, and therefore invincible. Here, also, are reports of your Majesty’s Ministers, attesting the value of the invention. I will part with my right in it for a million tumtums.”
After examining the papers, the King put them away and promised him an order on the Lord High Treasurer of the Extortion Department for a million tumtums.
“And here,” said the Ingenious Patriot, pulling another paper from another pocket, “are the working plans of a gun that I have invented, which will pierce that armour. Your Majesty’s Royal Brother, the Emperor of Bang, is anxious to purchase it, but loyalty to your Majesty’s throne and person constrains me to offer it first to your Majesty. The price is one million tumtums.”
Having received the promise of another check, he thrust his hand into still another pocket, remarking:
“The price of the irresistible gun would have been much greater, your Majesty, but for the fact that its missiles can be so effectively averted by my peculiar method of treating the armour plates with a new—”
The King signed to the Great Head Factotum to approach.
“Search this man,” he said, “and report how many pockets he has.”
“Forty-three, Sire,” said the Great Head Factotum, completing the scrutiny.
“May it please your Majesty,” cried the Ingenious Patriot, in terror, “one of them contains tobacco.”
“Hold him up by the ankles and shake him,” said the King; “then give him a check for forty-two million tumtums and put him to death. Let a decree issue declaring ingenuity a capital offence.”
Story DNA
Moral
Excessive cleverness, especially when driven by greed, can lead to one's downfall.
Plot Summary
An 'Ingenious Patriot' presents the King with an unpierceable armor invention for a million tumtums. Immediately after securing the deal, he offers the King a gun that can pierce that very armor, also for a million. As he begins to offer a counter-measure to the gun, the King, exasperated by the endless cycle of self-serving inventions, orders him searched. Discovering the Patriot has 43 pockets, implying countless more inventions, the King orders him executed after paying him for 42 potential inventions, and declares ingenuity a capital offense.
Themes
Emotional Arc
confidence to terror
Writing Style
Narrative Elements
Cultural Context
Ambrose Bierce was known for his cynical and satirical writing, often critical of human folly and institutions.
Plot Beats (11)
- An Ingenious Patriot gains an audience with the King.
- He presents a formula for unpierceable armor plating and demands a million tumtums.
- The King examines the papers and promises payment.
- The Patriot immediately presents plans for a gun that can pierce the armor, offering it to the King for another million tumtums.
- The King promises payment for the gun.
- The Patriot begins to describe a method to avert the gun's missiles, implying yet another invention.
- The King, realizing the pattern, orders his Great Head Factotum to search the Patriot.
- The Factotum reports that the Patriot has forty-three pockets.
- The Patriot, in terror, reveals one pocket contains tobacco.
- The King orders the Patriot to be shaken, given 42 million tumtums (one for each non-tobacco pocket), and then put to death.
- The King issues a decree making ingenuity a capital offense.
Characters
The Ingenious Patriot ★ protagonist
Of average height and build, not particularly remarkable in appearance, allowing him to blend in. His most notable physical trait is his ability to conceal numerous items on his person.
Attire: A formal, multi-pocketed suit or coat of a dark, sturdy fabric like wool, designed specifically to conceal his many inventions and papers. The cut is somewhat tailored but loose enough to allow for the bulk of his hidden items. Perhaps a high-collared shirt and a cravat, common for a man seeking an audience with a monarch in the 19th century.
Wants: To amass wealth by exploiting his inventive genius and the King's desire for military superiority.
Flaw: His insatiable greed and overconfidence, which lead him to push his luck too far.
Starts as a confident, self-serving inventor, but his greed and ingenuity ultimately lead to his downfall and execution.
Ingenious, opportunistic, greedy, cunning, resourceful, and ultimately cowardly.
Image Prompt & Upload
A middle-aged European man, standing upright, facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. He has a clean-shaven face, intelligent, calculating dark eyes, and neatly combed, slightly receding brown hair. He wears a dark grey wool frock coat with numerous visible and hidden pockets, a crisp white high-collared shirt, and a dark cravat. His hands are poised, one reaching into an inner coat pocket. He has a confident, slightly smirking expression. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
The King ⚔ antagonist
A man of regal bearing, likely of robust build, indicating a life of comfort and authority. His height would be average to tall, commanding respect. His hands might show signs of rings or other symbols of power.
Attire: Rich, formal court attire, perhaps a military-style uniform coat adorned with medals and epaulets, or a velvet robe with ermine trim, indicative of his high status. The colors would be deep and royal, such as crimson, gold, or deep blue, made of fine fabrics like silk or brocade. He might wear a jeweled crown or a military cap.
Wants: To maintain and enhance the power and security of his kingdom, and to eliminate threats to his authority or peace.
Flaw: His potential for paranoia regarding national security, which the Patriot tries to exploit.
Remains consistent as a powerful and decisive ruler, demonstrating his authority by swiftly dealing with the Ingenious Patriot.
Shrewd, decisive, pragmatic, ruthless, and possessing a dry wit.
Image Prompt & Upload
An adult European king, standing upright, facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. He has a stern, commanding face with a neatly trimmed dark beard, sharp grey eyes, and dark, slightly greying hair styled back from his forehead. He wears a deep crimson velvet military-style coat adorned with gold braid and several large, ornate medals, a white high-collared shirt, and dark trousers. A heavy gold and ruby crown sits upon his head. His posture is rigid and authoritative, with a serious, unamused expression. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
The Great Head Factotum ◆ supporting
A tall, imposing figure, likely with a lean but strong build, suggesting efficiency and capability in his role as chief enforcer. His movements would be precise and swift.
Attire: A formal, dark uniform, perhaps a livery coat with minimal but distinct royal insignia, indicating his position of authority within the court but subservience to the King. The fabric would be sturdy, like wool, and the cut would be practical for movement. Perhaps white gloves.
Wants: To serve the King faithfully and carry out his commands without hesitation.
Flaw: His absolute obedience, which makes him an instrument of the King's ruthlessness.
Remains a steadfast and efficient servant throughout the story, his character unchanged.
Obedient, efficient, thorough, and humorless.
Image Prompt & Upload
A tall, lean European man, standing upright, facing forward, full body visible from head to toe. He has a serious, clean-shaven face with sharp, dark eyes and short, neatly combed dark hair. He wears a dark blue, high-collared livery coat with silver buttons and minimal silver embroidery on the cuffs, dark trousers, and polished black boots. His posture is rigid and attentive, with a completely neutral expression. Plain white background, full body visible head to toe, single figure, no watermark, no text, no signature.
Locations
The King's Audience Chamber
A formal, opulent chamber within a grand palace, designed for royal audiences. The space is likely adorned with rich tapestries, polished stone or marble floors, and heavy, ornate furniture. The atmosphere is one of power and formality, with a hint of underlying tension.
Mood: formal, tense, opulent
The Ingenious Patriot presents his inventions to the King, leading to his eventual downfall.
Image Prompt & Upload
A vast, high-ceilinged audience chamber within a European Baroque palace. Sunlight streams through tall arched windows, illuminating dust motes in the air and reflecting off a highly polished marble floor. Ornate gilded plasterwork adorns the walls and ceiling, depicting mythological scenes. A heavy, carved wooden throne sits on a raised dais at one end, flanked by tall, crimson velvet banners. no border, no frame, no watermark, no text, no signature, edge-to-edge illustration.